Bob’s Burgers-Enough Rope

 

 

BOB’S BURGERS:

ENOUGH ROPE

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS


“I want a crack at that whip” Louise remarked as Tina continued to thrust her right arm in a forward motion towards one of the restraint tables, with her brother Gene continuously making whiplash noises.

Their parents, Bob and Linda, walked in, caught sight of what they were doing, and were left bamboozled.

“Tina honey, what are you doing?” Bob asked.

“Just putting in an imaginary shade of grey” Tina said.

Bob instantly understood the reference and became ever so slightly miffed, he turned to Linda.

“Lyn, I told you not to leave that book lying around” he pointed out.

A small breeze briefly touched the back of his neck. He turned around, only to find nothing there. He didn’t give the sensation any further thought

“I already grounded Louise for reading it” Linda said in her defence.

“Yeah, but you know how exotic Tina gets also” Bob replied.

“Oh yeah, the butts thing…there’s a lot of that in there. Silly me” said Linda, realising the error of her ways.

“I want a crack at the whip next” said Gene.

“No dice, I promised our client I’d keep him male” said Tina.

“What kind of girl doesn’t want to make a man out of me?” asked Gene.

“Tina, let your brother fantasise about a woman in that position” said Linda

“Don’t encourage this behaviour Lyn” Bob said.

“Oh where is my head today…I know where it is, it needs to be where the dishes are, come on Bob you can help out”

“Lyn, you’re avoiding the subject, you think they’re going to cut this out? It’s a project to them, they’re going to COMMIT”

“Just let them whip it out of their system, nobody’s getting hurt”

“My client is, and he enjoys it.” Tina replied.

“That’s nice dear; good customer feedback is what we like to hear in real life too”

“Is this real life, or is this fantasy?” Bob joked.

“Dishes Bob” said Linda.

As Bob took in the greasy plates left on the far right of the bar, he noticed a young puckish boy staring intently upwards outside.

“Rudy?” said Bob, and wandered towards the front door to see what was going on.

“Hey, Mr. Belcher” said Rudy.

“Rudy, why are you staring up at Louise’s window?” Bob asked

“I’m thinking of a way to climb up”

“Seriously, like in ‘Clarissa Explains it All?'” Bob asked.

“Bobby, the dishes” said Linda.

“In a minute Lyn” said Bob.

“What’s ‘Clarissa Explains It All?'” asked Rudy

“Don’t you watch late night Nick?” asked Bob.

“Louise is always telling me I’d never last past midnight” said Rudy.

“Why do you want to climb up to Louise’s window?”

“I heard she was grounded, we were supposed to play some games at my place, thought I’d come to her instead”

“Why not just invite yourself in? You’ve been in our home upstairs before”

“Mrs. Belcher didn’t want Louise to talk to anyone today. Could you maybe convince her?”

“She’s a little too busy at the moment son..besides, even if you wanted to see her, Louise’s window is closed”

“I know, I want to get her attention somehow so she’ll open the window”

“Then how will you get up?”

“She could hand me a rope or something” Rudy explained.

Bob chuckled.

“I really think you need to think this through Rudy, this sort of thing rarely works outside of the movies”

“You think I’ll be too big for the rope to sustain?”

“Well you said it” Bob replied.

“The whole thing’s not worth talking if that window just remains shut” Rudy replied.

Bob picked up a couple of small pebbles on the ground.

“Here, chuck one of these at it, this used to work for me all the time when I wanted to hang out with my friends” Bob replied.

Rudy tossed one as far as he could, but it barely reached the intended target, falling back down at the half-way mark.

“Put a little more energy into it Rudy, like this” Bob said, hurtling his own stone.

A thunderous thud and an alarmingly harsh crack could be heard.

“Oh swell move there buddy” came a voice from behind them. Bob and Rudy turned around, and were greeted by Louise, holding a bag of sweets in her hand.

“It was your Dad” Rudy said.

“Yeah, but you encouraged the madness”

“Louise, what are you doing out here? You’re grounded” said Bob.

“Yeah, I snuck out while Tina was putting on her shady show” Louise revealed.

Bob suddenly realised where the chill that pierced the back of his neck came from earlier. While he and Linda watched Tina’s imaginary sex show, Louise had managed to creep past them and quickly slip through the door. The weather was particularly breezy so it caused a draft.

“Tina got that idea from you didn’t she?”

“You and Mom were too busy today to nip out to the store to get us our Wednesday intake of sugary goodness, so I stepped in using my knowledge of the ‘grey area’ to give Tina and Gene something to do to hold your attention”

“Yeah, well I’m going to have to confiscate those and ground all three of you for pulling that stunt” said Bob

“Yeah, and if you do, I’ll tell Mom you broke my window” said Louise.

“Oh you play this game way too well” said Bob, deflated and defeated.

“Tina’s putting on something shady? A slim chance I could see it?” said Rudy.

“Not for your innocent eyes little buddy” said Louise, grabbing his hand and pouring some sweets into it.

“Thanks” he said.

“I heard the whole thing by the way…you wanted me to hand you a rope? You abuse yourself way too much as it is” she joked.

“Or maybe the ‘Tangled’ thing” Bob asked.

“Hey, I value my hair just the same as the hat on my head” said Louise.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to pull it so hard it’d tear off”

“Make me an instantaneous skinhead? Worth it” Louise replied.

“OK, OK, I’ll sneak you back in Louise, but you’re still paying a small price. Rudy, go home, you can see her at school tomorrow”

“Yes sir. Thanks for the sweets Louise”

“Thanks for being sweet enough to come ’round buddy” Louise replied, nudging him on the shoulder.

As he left, Bob instructed Louise to stick closely to his back as he walked back into the restaurant, where Tina was going into overdrive on her ‘client’

“Aw look Bobby, she’s trying to earn a bonus” said Linda, beaming proudly at the fictitious feat.

“I suppose she’s not really scarring anyone except herself with this” Bob replied.

“Crack that thing quick and hard girl” said Linda

“Yeah, crack it like a window” joked Bob.

“Give yourself enough rope Dad…” Louise whispered devilishly.

Thunderbirds Are Go-Nothing More Disruptive

 

THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!

NOTHING MORE DISRUPTIVE

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS

(Contains spoilers for “City Under The Sea”)

The little thing about Penelope’s visit to The Hood in prison is a nod to one of my previous fics, “Questionable Methods“, be sure to check if that out if you give this a read, thankyou kindly-Zarius


As Thunderbird 2 touched down on Tracy Island, Gordon, Kayo and Virgil reflected on their trip to Antarctica, bearing witness to the very edge of existence with the family they had managed to save from the submerged city.

“It’s miraculous that nice unit were so willing to exchange clear waters for icy patches” Kayo noted, “It’s like nothing really bothered them about the predicament they were in”

“It’s always like that when we’re around” Gordon replied, “We provide real reassurance”

“With the mess you leave in Thunderbird 4, it’s probably a good thing they had reassuring manners, if I were in their shoes I’d be most critical of having to sit through a craft with as many wrappers”

“Hey, it’s my space” Gordon insisted.

“Yes it is, but sometimes your space has to be their place” replied Kayo.

“Is there something I’m not catching here?” asked Virgil.

“Yes, the youngest of the Tracy clan are in dire need of watching how they dispose of their trash” Kayo insisted.

As she disembarked from Thunderbird 2 and headed to the living area upstairs, Gordon was left alone to defend his habits.

“She thinks I’m some sort of slob in secret” he said.

“Hardly secretive, you were exactly like this with Alan on Thunderbird 3 a month ago” Virgil replied.

“Yeah, but it’s a credit to Alan he didn’t tell her” Gordon replied, twiddling his fingers. Virgil opted to change the subject.

“So Penelope did a real bang up job getting the better of The Mechanic” he joked.

“Oh great swerve there Virgil, at least with the slob accusations I get to worry about something normal” Gordon snapped.

“Easy there pussycat” Virgil replied, barely intimidated. Gordon had yet to master the precise means to intimidate.

“Well, it’s just I had a lot to deal with on my plate…rescuing the family, making sure to hasten the rescue due to the growing concern of the crack on their ship getting bigger until it finally caused the glass to cave in…and then there was a moment I thought Kayo was…gone…worse still, my minds immediately turned to Penny…”

Virgil shook his head, “I’m sorry Gordon, I didn’t think…”

“No, no it’s ok, it’s the kind of stress we try to avoid through jokes and quips, and yeah, even the occasional bursts of unkempt living. Those celery bars are great stress relievers you know, when you tend to worry too much about the way you’re perceived on missions, they’re just a means with which you can kick back and just let your taste buds satisfy you more than people”

“So long as you let everyone know you’re ok, your eating habits should concern you the least. Nothing is more disruptive to how we cope with our occupations than the fear of the unknown happening to us…it’s a lot more overwhelming than what we gain from the reality of it”

“Maybe I should have a talk with Penny, see if she’s shaken up any by what went on. She can put on a tough front, but I think I’ve been letting her drift on her own too much…and Parker did tell me some unsettling thoughts he had on her visit to the Hood’s prison” Gordon replied.

“Really, like what?” said Virgil.

“That’s kind of our business for now, but we’ll let you know if it needs to be yours too” Gordon replied.

In the living area, Kayo found Alan was busy picking up the discarded wrappers off of the floor and neatly placing them in the bin he had been trying to toss them into much earlier in the day, and achieving little success. It’s what had prompted her to call him a slob

“See, a little insult goes a long way to kick in some motivation” Alan remarked.

“If it helps, Gordon is a far worse slob than you” Kayo replied.

“Really, I could have told you that a month ago” said Alan.

“And why didn’t you? ” Kayo asked, crossing her arms and looking into Alan with accusing, yet graceful, eyes.

“We’d just kind of bonded over that month I guess, we’d seen alien life, and I’d…well…”

“..Did everything he suggested?” Kayo replied.

“We got a fantastic experience out of it, and he made me feel like I’d made a good call, even if it almost got us all killed…” Alan confessed, picking up the bin and hauling it over to the kitchen.

Kayo smiled, “An honourable bond, one that gives one of each a safe sort of space, I can respect that more than leaving any actual space at the mercy of these things”

She produced a small celery bar from her pocket and offered it to Alan.

“They’re definitely the sort of taste you have to acquire; luckily I’ve mastered such a habit. Now it’s your turn” she said, unwrapping it and offering Alan a nibble.

“Celery? Well at least it’s a step up from those cheesy milkshakes he drinks…maybe in being a slob, he’s learning there’s nothing more disruptive to a healthy lifestyle than the fastest sort of food”

Alan took the bar out of the wrapper, Kayo crunched it up.

“Let me see if I can score a touchdown” she said, shoving the rest of the snack into Alan’s mouth. Alan nodded, and put some distance between the bin and Kayo.

She gave the bin a precision gaze, and flung the wrapper far across the room. It landed neatly into it.

Alan ran up to Kayo and high-fived her.

“Teach me how to stick a landing like that” he said.

“Only if you let me know next time when there’s someone making a bigger mess than you, there’s nothing more disruptive to a clean cat like me than that”

Simpsons Renewed For Two More Seasons

Renewed for two more seasons, and it’s episode count will soon eclipse Gunsmoke

<i>The Simpsons</i> Renewed at Fox Through Record-Setting Season 30

Personally, I’ve come to the conclusion that “Homer’s Enemy” is the finale of the classic era, since it deconstructs the whole premise of Springfield’s tolerance of Homer and uses it as a meta-commentary on why we all put up with him, and it ends with Homer telling Marge to change the channel

Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows#1-Second Lettered Preview

asmrenew2016001-int-lr2-3

Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows #1

Five days to go until the return of the real Peter and MJ folks…make your way to your LCS on November 9th and support this release so they can come home to 616 where they belong.

Also, take note of the poster on Annie’s wall…Carol Danvers as she presently looks, meaning this is an alternative present and not the late 80s/early 90s retro world the Battleworld version of RYV was set in last year

Thunderbirds Are G0-How We Get There

 

THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!

HOW WE GET THERE

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS

(I was inspired to do this short fic after watching the preview for “City Under The Sea” on YouTube ahead of this week’s episode)


Kayo felt the fear course through her.

It was tangible, raw, the stuff of nightmares.

Here she was, at the helm of Thunderbird 4, didn’t matter how she would up here, the point now was making sure she got somewhere else.

The Mechanic’s MECHA loomed over the tiny ship as it sped into the deepest recesses of the underwater city, trying to avoid being caught in the grip of its iron-clad claws and avoid being crushed into mangled pieces.

It was not Kayo’s first rodeo with The Mechanic, having confronted him during the incident with the Earth-Shaker, another cataclysmic contraption that she and her brothers had dared to defy, and one she personally infiltrated, reaching the Mechanic, only to ultimately let him slip out of her grasp.

She wondered how she got there the first time, and if she could reach such a summit a second time.

Perhaps she couldn’t this time; perhaps this was the devil incarnate coming to collect, the mortal price she would pay for daring to get in the way of his mission.

She thought back to the reports Penelope had given the team back on the island, discussing the possibility of The Mechanic’s connections to The Hood. Her uncle. Family turned foe.

That one bad apple.

There were two once, she often thought of herself as that, but not anymore. That notion came with a different kind of fear, the fear of hiding in plain sight and counting the days to being caught. Those days were over.

That fear passed, she learned to stroll past fear that day, for on the hour of revelation, judgement passed and she was absolved of all guilt by people who understood her, who loved her, and who protected her.

The kindest souls she had ever been around had looked into her own and found it worthy of a thousand chances.

That’s what she had to focus on now as Thunderbird 4 continued to evade the attacks of The Mechanics’ MECHA. She would not let one of those thousand chances granted to her by just five brave and unconditionally loving men slip from her.

Now was not the time to be afraid of that.

So she swallowed her pride, she held her nerve, and hoped that Gordon would come to her aid soon, that this mission could be over, and so they could reach their next destination…their island, their paradise, their home.

So she could stare into the features that housed those five souls again, just so she could assure them that faith, not fear, was how she got there.

 

Doctor Who-Two Sides To This Wall

 

DOCTOR WHO:

TWO SIDES TO THIS WALL

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS

Disclaimer: Doctor Who is trademarked by the BBC.

Note: This takes place during “For Tonight We Might Die”, the opening episode of the DW spin-off CLASS, shortly after the character Ram has been dealt a personal blow by The Shadow-Kin.


Ram was unable to comprehend it at this moment in time.

He felt there there was this wall where he used to be. Of which there was two sides.

The physical one, and the mental one. Both fused together. Both sides couldn’t be climbed over.

Not yet.

The loss of so much this night had been overwhelming.

He looked around him, taking in the immense width of the room he was in. He hoped it would take one side of the wall, the one chained to his mind, off of dealing with the immense pain.

“So much” he whispered, hoping he wouldn’t be heard.

Too late.

The Doctor caught what he said.

“So much pain?” The Doctor asked.

“So much…bigger” Ram said, raising his voice a little higher.

“Yes, you don’t know how many times I’ve tried to shorten the length. I once had Santa himself complain to me about it, all those children of the universe writing letters back saying their toys were never quite as accurate in relative dimensions as this”

“What, you know Santa?” Ram asked

“Doesn’t everybody?” the man replied.

“Yeah, but he’s…a story” Ram said

“Everything’s a story, a character, a play, I’ve never preferred the one-man shows though, imagine a whole room where there’s no speaking parts but you and an audience that you have to inject with all of your ego-massaging. The sound of your own voice will never be the sound of drums, I’ve tried telling an old friend that a few times. She never listens.”

“What happened…back there…in the halls, in the dark, it’s just…I can’t face it again” Ram said, his mind already racing back to the fragile final seconds of the life he’d lived before. A life with Rachel and an intact leg.

“What is it with you teenagers wanting to disconnect from the world, especially without realizing what you can do with it?” The Doctor asked, refusing to settle for the pessimism.

“We wanted to be happy, to challenge the world in ways that don’t…punish us you know? We wanted to scale the walls, not be pushed off a building” Ram said.

“Oh who are we fooling?” The Doctor countered, scanning the frightened teen with his sonic screwdriver, “The human race does nothing but climb, they ascend to the highest mountains, they plant the seeds for generations to grow taller. If someone comes and finds it so easy to cut you down, it doesn’t stop you inspiring others to push harder so it’s much more difficult to do so again. Don’t just climb over the wall, break through it. Do I have your promise of that?”

Ram nodded. He didn’t really buy the speech given to him, he just wanted the procedure over with so he could walk out of this strange blue box and back into the uninviting world. It may not be the world he desired, but he had to see where he now stood in it, and make up his mind later whether he should stand his ground there.

Rachel would have wanted that much for him at least.

“Careful now” said The Doctor as he grafted the artificial leg to the gaping hole that was once connected to Ram’s original one, now severed from his body by the nefarious Shadow-Kin.

Ram felt a nerve-wrenching jolt as the leg snapped into place, but he held in the urge to yell, for his soul had deafened heaven and hell enough for one evening.

And something about this place felt calm, soothing. The elderly man working on him had done much to keep him and a band of other misfit sorts from further hall this cold and unkindly night.

As he walked back out of the blue box, he sat down and took in what the old man had to say. That there were tears in time and space, that Coal Hill Academy would serve as a beacon for all manner of alien terrors, things that would ensure things would never resemble a normal quality of life for any of them.

He said time had looked upon all of them, and then it would not forget.

And then he stopped.

And he stared.

He stared intently at something on the wall, a mural with names listed on them. Two names stood out to The Doctor.

Oswald. C.

Pink. RD.

He was immersed, interested, but distant.

Ram could sense something. Something all too familiar.

He couldn’t tell how, he just knew, instinctively.

Part of him felt he should have sensed it earlier when he looked the old man straight in the eyes, for they were well-worn eyes, eyes that had seen billions of years of physical taxation and emotional heartache. His fancy speeches were all he could do to camouflage years of loss, years of struggle, internally and outwardly.

He should have seen it.

The Doctor was facing a wall. Of which there were two sides to it. Physical and mental.

And he couldn’t breach either one of them.