BOB’S BURGERS:
ENOUGH ROPE
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
“I want a crack at that whip” Louise remarked as Tina continued to thrust her right arm in a forward motion towards one of the restraint tables, with her brother Gene continuously making whiplash noises.
Their parents, Bob and Linda, walked in, caught sight of what they were doing, and were left bamboozled.
“Tina honey, what are you doing?” Bob asked.
“Just putting in an imaginary shade of grey” Tina said.
Bob instantly understood the reference and became ever so slightly miffed, he turned to Linda.
“Lyn, I told you not to leave that book lying around” he pointed out.
A small breeze briefly touched the back of his neck. He turned around, only to find nothing there. He didn’t give the sensation any further thought
“I already grounded Louise for reading it” Linda said in her defence.
“Yeah, but you know how exotic Tina gets also” Bob replied.
“Oh yeah, the butts thing…there’s a lot of that in there. Silly me” said Linda, realising the error of her ways.
“I want a crack at the whip next” said Gene.
“No dice, I promised our client I’d keep him male” said Tina.
“What kind of girl doesn’t want to make a man out of me?” asked Gene.
“Tina, let your brother fantasise about a woman in that position” said Linda
“Don’t encourage this behaviour Lyn” Bob said.
“Oh where is my head today…I know where it is, it needs to be where the dishes are, come on Bob you can help out”
“Lyn, you’re avoiding the subject, you think they’re going to cut this out? It’s a project to them, they’re going to COMMIT”
“Just let them whip it out of their system, nobody’s getting hurt”
“My client is, and he enjoys it.” Tina replied.
“That’s nice dear; good customer feedback is what we like to hear in real life too”
“Is this real life, or is this fantasy?” Bob joked.
“Dishes Bob” said Linda.
As Bob took in the greasy plates left on the far right of the bar, he noticed a young puckish boy staring intently upwards outside.
“Rudy?” said Bob, and wandered towards the front door to see what was going on.
“Hey, Mr. Belcher” said Rudy.
“Rudy, why are you staring up at Louise’s window?” Bob asked
“I’m thinking of a way to climb up”
“Seriously, like in ‘Clarissa Explains it All?'” Bob asked.
“Bobby, the dishes” said Linda.
“In a minute Lyn” said Bob.
“What’s ‘Clarissa Explains It All?'” asked Rudy
“Don’t you watch late night Nick?” asked Bob.
“Louise is always telling me I’d never last past midnight” said Rudy.
“Why do you want to climb up to Louise’s window?”
“I heard she was grounded, we were supposed to play some games at my place, thought I’d come to her instead”
“Why not just invite yourself in? You’ve been in our home upstairs before”
“Mrs. Belcher didn’t want Louise to talk to anyone today. Could you maybe convince her?”
“She’s a little too busy at the moment son..besides, even if you wanted to see her, Louise’s window is closed”
“I know, I want to get her attention somehow so she’ll open the window”
“Then how will you get up?”
“She could hand me a rope or something” Rudy explained.
Bob chuckled.
“I really think you need to think this through Rudy, this sort of thing rarely works outside of the movies”
“You think I’ll be too big for the rope to sustain?”
“Well you said it” Bob replied.
“The whole thing’s not worth talking if that window just remains shut” Rudy replied.
Bob picked up a couple of small pebbles on the ground.
“Here, chuck one of these at it, this used to work for me all the time when I wanted to hang out with my friends” Bob replied.
Rudy tossed one as far as he could, but it barely reached the intended target, falling back down at the half-way mark.
“Put a little more energy into it Rudy, like this” Bob said, hurtling his own stone.
A thunderous thud and an alarmingly harsh crack could be heard.
“Oh swell move there buddy” came a voice from behind them. Bob and Rudy turned around, and were greeted by Louise, holding a bag of sweets in her hand.
“It was your Dad” Rudy said.
“Yeah, but you encouraged the madness”
“Louise, what are you doing out here? You’re grounded” said Bob.
“Yeah, I snuck out while Tina was putting on her shady show” Louise revealed.
Bob suddenly realised where the chill that pierced the back of his neck came from earlier. While he and Linda watched Tina’s imaginary sex show, Louise had managed to creep past them and quickly slip through the door. The weather was particularly breezy so it caused a draft.
“Tina got that idea from you didn’t she?”
“You and Mom were too busy today to nip out to the store to get us our Wednesday intake of sugary goodness, so I stepped in using my knowledge of the ‘grey area’ to give Tina and Gene something to do to hold your attention”
“Yeah, well I’m going to have to confiscate those and ground all three of you for pulling that stunt” said Bob
“Yeah, and if you do, I’ll tell Mom you broke my window” said Louise.
“Oh you play this game way too well” said Bob, deflated and defeated.
“Tina’s putting on something shady? A slim chance I could see it?” said Rudy.
“Not for your innocent eyes little buddy” said Louise, grabbing his hand and pouring some sweets into it.
“Thanks” he said.
“I heard the whole thing by the way…you wanted me to hand you a rope? You abuse yourself way too much as it is” she joked.
“Or maybe the ‘Tangled’ thing” Bob asked.
“Hey, I value my hair just the same as the hat on my head” said Louise.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to pull it so hard it’d tear off”
“Make me an instantaneous skinhead? Worth it” Louise replied.
“OK, OK, I’ll sneak you back in Louise, but you’re still paying a small price. Rudy, go home, you can see her at school tomorrow”
“Yes sir. Thanks for the sweets Louise”
“Thanks for being sweet enough to come ’round buddy” Louise replied, nudging him on the shoulder.
As he left, Bob instructed Louise to stick closely to his back as he walked back into the restaurant, where Tina was going into overdrive on her ‘client’
“Aw look Bobby, she’s trying to earn a bonus” said Linda, beaming proudly at the fictitious feat.
“I suppose she’s not really scarring anyone except herself with this” Bob replied.
“Crack that thing quick and hard girl” said Linda
“Yeah, crack it like a window” joked Bob.
“Give yourself enough rope Dad…” Louise whispered devilishly.
zaredit 
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