Danger Mouse-Authors of Pain [Fanfiction]




(Contains Spoilers for “Colonel Danger Mouse”)

In the cafeteria of the Danger Agency headquarters, two close friends were exchanging choice words about the world’s most untrustworthy former head agent.

“The nerve of him, the sheer nerve of him” complained Danger Moth as she took another bite of the chips recovered from Baron Greenback’s island resort, beckoning Professor Squawkencluck for a bottle of ketchup.

“You think the nerve of that mouse can unnerve you, think of what his ham-fisted hamster friend said to me as soon as I took charge” she said, reflecting on Penfold critiquing her attempts at preparing the Agency for the chip crisis.

“You’d think the males in this agency would get the memo by now, we don’t need to take instruction from those that can’t take it well themselves” Danger Moth continued, before a sharp pain shot through her mouth.

“Anything the matter?” asked Sqauwkencluck

“I’ve only gone and bit down hard on a tooth I got smoothed over today at the dentist. She told me not to chew down on anything too hard, but after the chewing out I got from the front office, I’m in no real mood to take it easy on anything”

The two girls calmed themselves and sought other topics to cover, but everything came back around to the urgent mission they were presently on.

“You think Col. K was serious when he told us to consume all of the chips transferred back to headquarters?” Danger Moth asked.

“I’m pretty sure this was a command direct from Danger Mouse before he stepped down” replied Squawkencluck.

“The absolute madmouse, is he aware of the figure I’m trying to keep?” Danger Moth responded, once more slightly irritated.

Danger Mouse entered the cafeteria, opting to inspect how the mission he had placed upon the Agency’s finest was coming along.

Danger Moth spotted him, and steadily rose from her seat, planning to sneak up upon the agent who’s brash ego had gotten in the way of her attempts to prevent landmarks from being shrunk and collected by Greenback.

Squawkencluck grabbed her arm and gave her a stealthy and cautionary gaze, urging her to sit perfectly still and not cause much incident.

Danger Mouse turned and spotted Danger Moth resume her seat, and waved over to her.

“I was hoping I’d find you here” he said.

“I was hoping to do my job without you looming over my shoulder instructing me on how to pull it off sir” Danger Moth replied venomously.

Danger Mouse sighed, “Yes, about that, I wanted to apologize Danger Moth, it was my confidence getting in the way of your expertise. I should have trusted you to do things your way”

“Your confidence? That’s what you’re calling your ego these days?” replied Danger Moth.

Danger Mouse let out an unnerved chuckle.

“My ego? Don’t be ridiculous, we’re all conditioned to be a little selfless you know” he said.

“Then you won’t mind me being a little selfless now, have a handful on me mate” Danger Moth said, grabbing a plateful of chips, mashing them up in her hands, and thrusting them in Danger Mouse’s mouth.

DM buckled and spat them all out in rapid-fire succession, pinning Danger Moth to the wall.

Squwkencluck couldn’t help but laugh, which reminded her of what she and Penfold had gotten up to when Danger Mouse had first taken up duties at Col. K’s desk dressed in the un-snazziest of suits.

Being reminded of sharing laughter together compelled Squwkencluck to get up and seek Penfold out, with the aim of apologizing.

Danger Mouse walked over to the stricken Danger Moth and pulled her off the wall.

“Apologies again for this particular serving” said Danger Mouse.

Danger Moth looked a little down.

“No, I still think you’re at fault sir, but I should not have stepped out of line like that, especially when I read the report on how you used that same technique to put things right and apprehend the Baron” Danger Moth replied.

“Perhaps I can serve you better this evening, with a little of that earl grey mix you look to cosy up to during first run episodes of Quality Street, and some mash to go with it”

“I hope you’re not going to make the mash off the writing on this wall” Danger Moth joked, pointing to the regurgitated concoction that she had been pried away from.

“I think we’ve authored enough pain between us for one taxing day” assured Danger Mouse, and kissed her right hand.

Danger Moth let him cross his right arm with hers and lead her out of the dining room.