BOB’S BURGERS-A LITTLE MORE TIME (FANFIC)

 

BOB’S BURGERS:

A LITTLE MORE TIME

belchers


Louise was once taught in class that nobody ever opened a sentence with “Dammit”.

Within life’s many dramas, that expression had to be earned by whatever form of consequence occured to warrant it.

She was hanging upside down on the swing when she spotted the cause of potential problems headed her way, and she felt like now was one of those instances where the exclamation was deserving.

“Hey Louise” said Rudy.

“Oh hey there Rudy. Keeping things regular?” Louise asked, refusing to change her posistion, even if the blood was steadily rushing all the way to her face. She’d hoped he’d spot the red in her face and assume she was in a prickly mood and walk away.

He did’nt budge.

“Nothing out of the ordinary. Seems that sums up all of the last year” he said sollemly.

“Oh I’m sure it’ll pick up soon” Louise replied.

“I heard you had a belter of a valentine’s night out. Everyone’s talking about what Tina and your driver did to Jimmy Junior. You’d had a make-up job too, like you’d exorcised the demon right out from under the nose of the Balor club” Rudy continuecd.

Louise twiddled her fingers mischevously and let out a cackle.

“The sisterhood were quite bewitching that night” she said with some pride in her voice, this seemed to cheer Rudy up.

Louise could feel her tension dissapating, which caused her slight concern as well as relief. She realized her next question would dictate the mood of the conversation. She was fearful it would lead to ackwardness and tension, but she felt compelled to ask anyway.

“How was your valentine?” she said.

“Oh” Rudy replied, looking up at the sky, curious to see if it’d start raining once he began to vent.

“No luck on the kissing or dating front this year” he said.

Louise sighed and straightened herself up on the swing. She urged Rudy to come sit beside her on the opposite swing.

“C’mere you” she said.

Rudy sat down and looked quite down. Louise wanted to slap herself for noticing how sad he was, but she knew the time had come to talk.

It’d been a year since the kiss.

“How far away are you?” she asked.

“Glad you noticed how distant I’ve been lately. I’m not out of reach, I’m just out of options”

“Don’t say that, you’re closer than you think” Louise replied.

“In what way?” Rudy asked.

“Look, I told my Mom a big fat lie about our school play, how it was a western, and that you were the Sheriff and me your partner, and I built you up as a real brave character, someone I’d take a bullet for”

“You’ve been thinking about me in commendable ways? I thought the only way I mattered after our kiss was with my head on a MOST WANTED list”

“Oh you make that list alright, just in a different way” Louise joked.

“I can taste it you know, that raw slap you gave me. It was like Iron” Rudy replied.

“I bruise easy don’t I?” Louise continued.

Rudy looked at her sternly.

“Other people, yes” he continued

“Well you backed me into a corner that day…I did’nt want to just reveal how I felt, in case you…you know…”

“Became insistent? Don’t worry Louise, I respect how you are about the mushy stuff. You have no time for it” said Rudy in a defeatist tone.

Louise clutched his hand tightly.

“You never know…we all get a little older, and a little crazier, with each passing year. You’re right, I don’t have the time, but you can give me a little more time y’know?”

“There’s always valentines next year I guess” Rudy said.

“Just make sure you keep one thing in mind, while not every guy happens to be Jimmy Junior, you know what happens to those who are, so you be on your best behavior” Lousie replied, giving Rudy a fierce elbow.

“Wow, you do bruise easily” said Rudy, rubbing his right shoulder tensely.

“I know how to bruise, but you sure know how to kiss” said Louise.

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I’m Safe In My Retreat (original poem)

 

I’M SAFE IN MY RETREAT
The beats aren’t so erratic
The doomsday clock no longer ticks
I confess to friends all my concerns
Thier advise always clicks
But still I don’t heed their warnings
My fate is with my needs
I give in to the medication
I’m safe in my retreat

 

Power Rangers Samurai-Origins

Power Rangers Samurai

DOWNLOAD “ORIGINS” FANEDIT HERE

 

Power Rangers Samurai is a pretty poor season by Power Rangers standards, mostly translations of the Japanese scripts, minimal originality, unnecessary “mega modes” etc. What little home grown material we did get came in the form of needless comedy skits with the veteran character of the franchise’s early days Bulk and the son of his sidekick Skull, Spike.

What I’m working on now is a version of “Origins”, the premiere two-parter of Samurai, that does not include Bulk or Spike.

Changes so far

-Bulk and Spike scenes removed (except for the title sequence, just assume they will show up later in the series and not here, Antonio the Gold Ranger is also included in the titles despite not appearing at all).

-The search for Emily by Mia, Kevin and Mike

-All commercial fades removed.

Doctor Who-Deep Into The Dalek (Fanedit)

Deep Into the Dalek

IFDB Entry 

(To download, please register at Fanedit.org and PM “Zarius”)

Debuts for Doctors are, like regeneration, a bit dodgy, you never know what you’re going to end up with, but it’d better be good.

Deep Breath is good for the most part, and this by no means an attempt to reinvent the wheel, rather instead we take the wheel and add it to an altogether different motor.

Fanediting is very much like the broom analogy in the story, which, lucky for you I’ve kept in. After a while, is it the same film or show? Of course it is’nt, and that’s the point.

But with the way story arcs in television and film series, one can glue things together a tiny bit more confidant that it can mesh well, and create the illusion that some things stay very much the same.

So we come to this, a chance to launch Peter Capaldi’s Doctor a bit differently. An hour-long opening with Twelve mulling over whether or not he’s a good man, complete with a scene that really enforces whether or not he is as he dispatches Half-Face Man at the start of the story.

I figure if you’re going to relaunch Doctor Who to the casual crowdyou really should try things the way Russel T. Davies managed…we’ve seen the regeneration, we’ve seen previous Doctors work out their mission statement in their openers…let’s see Capaldi struggle with his mission statement right off the bat and not have him try to work out if he’s got Clara’s name right or if he can really complain about things now that he’s scottish. Let’s be like our rebel time lord and be rebellious…let us see him kick up a fuss, be proactive, and kick arse as soon as he see him.

Let’s stick him in the midst of a proper adventure. A typical Saturday Night out for him and his mates. Most of the story you’ve seen unfold in the original cut of Deep Breath is elaborated on within the restaurant confrontation with Half-Face Man, it’s almost as if Deep Breath could have just been a “day in the life” minisode before the main event.

And, appropriately enough, the privilege of facing off against Capaldi should lie with The Daleks.

Outside of The Power of the Daleks, no other Doctor’s debut story has opened with them facing him. Odd given their long history, but they’re mostly reserved for Doctor’s finales in the new stuff (except for Tennant), so I figured “what the heck?”

Changes in full
-Kicking things off in the edit right off the bat is the final third of Deep Breath, and the Doctor’s companions knee-deep in danger. It’s a typical Saturday night with the new Doctor introducing himself by pouring a glass and then debating life and death with The Half-Man. What serves as a decisive stand off becomes an enigmatic introduction to our favorite time lord.

-The titles kick in after Clara finds the TARDIS is missing from the courtyard

-First use of Into the Dalek footage kicks off after the titles, with the new Doctor answering the distress call and reaching the asteroid base where he learns of the Dalek being held prisoner. We cut before we see what he sees

-Resume Deep Breath footage here with Vastra assuring Clara The Doctor will return for her. We end the footage once they arrive in Glasgow, but cut before they talk about buying chips and coffee.

Cut to Danny Pink arriving for class. His drill sergeant routine with the boys has been cut

-Cut The Doctor and Clara talking about coffee and glasgow.

At the 26: 29 mark of the edit , you hear a door clicking just before Clara closes the door in the shot, this is not a miscue with the audio, that is actually The Doctor opening the TARDIS door, which becomes clear in the next shot. I was worried people would mistake that for an error, but rest assured it isn’t.

Knight Rider 2000-One Cut Can Make A Difference (Fanedit.org version)

Knight Rider 2000A bit late (it was scheduled for January 1st), but traffic was murder

A milestone achievement for me. My first real fanediting passion project that I started in early 2008, went through various redrafts and alterations across the span of a decade, has finally settled into it’s rightful place at the IFDB.

Not much different from the version I uploaded to Vimeo last year (special shout-out to all those who have Favorited that upload), the only significant change is the frame rates have been fixed up, there’s the reinstatement of the KR 2000 titles and the assassination attempt on the Mayor no longer serving as a pre-titles teaser.

Download Here.

Have a pleasant and shadowy flight

Wisecrack (original story)

WISECRACK


Parties are meant to be lively.

Lively people, full of joy and song.

And jokes.

You’ve got to have jokes, for Jokes are beutiful.

Thy’re beutiful because they’re legal lies.

You could tell a million of them freely, openly, and not harm a soul with your story. The only people you make light of are invisible, they’re not real.

Trouble is, with jokes, is that they matter much more when they are about real situations, real people. They’re not often people you know, then that’s taking it too far.

So you make it about celebrities, you make it about the untouchable, you bring them down to a level you’d like to see lowered to.

It’s an easier method today than it was when it belonged to tomorow.

The public vote with special apps on their i-pads, the most well told jokes are attached to a chart listing the names of noones, virtual zeroes, and someones, people of hight stature.

It’s shaped like a thermustad, If the joke is immensly popular, the celebrity or non-celebrity it targets rises in appreciation figures. Eventually, if the joke becomes overused, ages badly, or becomes too repetitive, it “cools off”. The real world reacts accordingly and adjusts, placing another big name at the top of the polls and drops the celebrity or noone made light of to a lower “temperature”. If they drop way below, everything about them is frozen, their assests, their perks, everything.

Once you’re made light of, once you experiance the burn, it’s hard to crawl out of the cold.

Here, let me give you an example.

The person at this party is a bit of a local hero, a comedian who gets by on telling observational jokes about people he knows. He’s never mean-spirited about it, he does’nt attempt to assasinate their character, he just describes their mistakes in a manner that gets everyone laughing. He exaggerates a bit.

Just a bit.

Ok, you could say he lies, but is’nt that what some jokes are? Lies?

Yes. Some are.

But never the best ones.

He meets a woman at this party, another comedian, this one is strikingly fit, for a smoker at the very least, she likes to socialize in a shellsuit. She’s the ironic kind of comedy. It’s her gimmick, she loves it, and people love her.

But she likes to bring celebrities down to our level, and she always goes for the more offensive jokes.

The jokes that ring true.

The man is fascinated by this, he wants to get to know her better, he strikes up a conversation, he notices things about her behavior. The way she talks, the way she moves.

She gets a little tipsy, she spills some of the drink across her shellsuit.

His glass of wine was’nt empty, but he already felt full.

He could take control of the room. Right now. It’d be easy.

Tell people about what he’d just witnessed, give them something to laugh about.

He had respect for her though, and he found her quite attractive.

The two talked, the two struck up a connection, the two fall for each other, as they must.

Their connection goes beyond the party, the subsequant months see them bring a life into this world, a daughter.

This girl’s journey would be shared by the father on the club scene.

Observational comedy. Harmless exaggerations, but he found simply telling the truth about life with a six month year old crawling about in her own filth and throwing up on the mother in bed with the slightest dose of humerous annecdote is what caused his approval rates to go up and up.

A nobody became a somebody, and with it came perks

He lost track of how many baby showers there were from the public let alone his own family.

He and his girlfriend attended every one of them, and they found it lively.

Parties are meant to be lively.

What does’nt stay alive, what does’nt stay alight, is the burn.

Eventually, it all cools off.

Children grow, children evolve, and the fun in how they deal with their growing pains soon becomes an all too harsh reminder of the everyday struggles people experiance from day to day. Everyone is bullied, everyone argues, everyone leaves.

Everyone seeks escapism.

The joke can be a kinder fiction, or it can be a crass but comical reflection of reality.

And most of the time it’s the latter.

When it ceases to be even that, it can only become the former, and society is not tailored to approciate that anymore.

So the daughter cools off, she loses her perks, her boyfriends cut ties from her, she can’t even attend school. She can’t even stay with her family.

The man and woman are way too busy keeping other nobodies and somebodies in the charts to notice. Their field of expertise keeps the wheel turning.

The daughter fails to understand that, and takes a dive off the nearest bridge.

Love is always wise unless it’s a wisecrack.