EXTRACT FROM ANOTHER SERIES
“Hi, I’m Troy McClure, you may remember me from such tv movies as “To Have and to Hold My Beer”, and “Where There’s A Wi-Fi, There’s No Will”. Today I have a very special treat for you, a recently rediscovered deleted scene from the pilot episode of Chief Wiggum: P.I, that long-running series starring Springfield’s very own Chief Clancy Wiggum and Seymour Skinner. The scene covers a great deal, and there’s even more to expect from everyone’s favorite family The Simpsons as they drop in to wish both of their old friends luck. Let’s drop in on them now…”
“Well family, we’re here, and just in time for Mardegras” said Homer as the family car came to a halt.
“I wasn’t aware you knew what day Madegras festivities fell on” said Bart.
“I still don’t, it just happens to be going on as I parked the car” said Homer.
“Homer, you’ve parked right in the middle of the whole thing” observed Marge as they stepped out into the street.
“Now, we’ve got two options…one is we join in on all the activity, largely to avoid being caught for disrupting the thing, or we could go and visit our old friend Clancy Wiggum”
“Dad, you’re not friends with him, he’s arrested you more than a couple of times and his son stalked Lisa” remarked Bart.
Lisa savagely elbowed Bart in the shoulder for his trouble.
“What’s up with you?” said Bart.
“Leave Ralph alone, he was confused at the time, besides he did a lot of nice things for me in those days” said Lisa, trying to conceal how hurt she was.
Bart quickly caught on to why she was acting funny.
“I knew there was a reason we came here, it’s because you want to check up on him isn’t it? You never got a chance to say goodbye to him when he left Springfield” Bart realized.
“Mom, tell him to keep his inquiring mind at bay” Lisa pleaded.
“Look dear, Lisa has been thinking about Ralph a great deal, I remember I pushed my sisters to take me to the east coast just so I could hand an old friend of mine, Patricia Phelps back her jump-rope after it spent a good seven years in my care”
“Hey, I was the one who had to retrieve that, my car broke down and your sisters volunteered to drive me the rest of the way, then they left me there. You had to pick me up, how can you not remember that?” Homer replied.
Marge hummed to herself.
“Sometimes to make one feel good about yourself with a cherished memory, it’s necessary to invent one”
“I just worry about how Ralph is keeping up” Lisa explained, “First his dad gets fired for mass corruption, then his parents divorce. He’s such an innocent, delicate soul, you can break his heart pretty easily”
“You speak from experience” Bart said.
“Mom” Lisa yelled.
“Don’t tease your love-struck sister dear” said Marge.
“Mom” Lisa aggressively whispered.
“Oh, right, should have left that part out” said Marge.
“It’s more guesswork than actual fact” said Lisa.
“Yes, but the way you told me to keep quiet indicates otherwise” replied Marge.
“Let’s just try to focus on the important things shall we?” insisted Lisa.
“Yeah, like finding out just what kind of depths even our ex Principal Skinner is sinking to around here. I heard he moved here along with Wiggum” said Bart, rubbing his hands together with a mischievous energy.
“That whole Tamzarian business really did bring his whole world crashing down, he’s got just the right kind of backstory needed to fit in to a shadier world like this” Marge observed.
“All the more reason to give him one last phase of torture” Bart revealed.
“I think I spot Wiggum, let’s dress up and sneak up on him” said Homer, lifting a Mardegras outfit off of a citizen and placing it on Bart.
Lisa took a look around, she was certain she had spotted someone she had been longing to look at again, she was sure she had spotted Ralph in the crowd riding the shoulders of an altogether different person.
And he looked happy.
Lisa breathed a sign of loving relief at that.
“Well folks, while Lisa remains oblivious to the fact Ralph was spending time with his kidnapper, what can I say to something that touching other than maybe ”Too bad you can’t get to touch it..for now”, that deleted scene can’t be found on the upcoming official DVDs unfortunately, but they can be found as a hidden Easter Egg. A literal one. Try to find them scattered around your local parks. Until then, I’m Troy McClure, you can expect me in some upcoming projects as ‘Three Days of the Doctor” and “Where’s Your Hummer Gone?”. Thanks for watching”