I OWE YOU AN ICE SLIDE
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Hi, Amanda? Erika, Erika Temple from the fourth circle? We used to be in the third, but we got tired of coming in second place. Well, I say I got tired, but we both know I was just following your lead and you wound up dragging me through the mud when they identified your clan as the source of the circle uprising that occurred that year. I owe you a visit from the Luminous Triad.
I know you probably don’t have a quarter or half an hour to spare as it what with the resistance freeing up the boarders four days ago, but I wanted to talk about Billy for a little bit, I feel I have to get it off my chest now or it’s just going to linger in my mind all summer, and it’s going to intervene with my attempts to quieten the rebels on my home turf at iron towers. That’s the imperial citadel, not the theme park. Yes, I know the park came first; in fact that’s kind of what I wanted to bring up.
So I was just coming out of the shower at Iron Towers the other day, put on my wardrobe, multiple layers just to keep warm around the late stages of winter as it passes, and I find my guards have brought someone right up to my doorstep. A member of the resistance! Gift-wrapped. And sent to me. Count me lucky.
““Hi” says the prisoner
“Did she send you?” I ask.
“I don’t know”
“She kind of had to, y’know”
“Maybe she did”
I noticed he looked like he hadn’t eaten in a couple of days.
“Have you been fed? You don’t look so good”
“I ate a pickle before I got here”
And I said “Ewww”
“You don’t like pickles either?” he asked
“My dad never did”
“Your dad was kind of mean”
“Yeah, I guess”
“I don’t mean to be rude about your family, it’s just…that’s what Karen’s always telling me”
“Ah” I said, “So she did send you. Guards, interrogate him”
“Is that going to hurt?” he asked.
“Nah, you’ll be fine, we have an interrogator called John, he cuts up sandwiches, drinks coffee, listens to Whitesnake, he’s fine”
“Whenever we interrogate one of yours, there’s a lot of shouting”
“Wait, are you…”
“Yeah, I think I am”
And all of a sudden, I forgot I had ordered the separation of a dozen or so Resistance Clansman from all sectors from their families. Suddenly I was the age where I’d only ordered that by at least 5%.
Then I recognized him.
“Oh my god, Kimmy’s brother, I haven’t seen you since you were thirteen”
“Yeah, that was three days ago”
“You have to be over seventy now”
“Yeah, I don’t think you can count”
“Age is any number I want it to be, and you’ve gotten so big”
“Thanks, I guess”
“How old is Kimmy now?”
“If I said twelve you wouldn’t believe me”
Then, I swear this just came out the lips before the mind even processed it.
“Hey, you want to nip on down to a water park?”
“Ok, I can talk to you about my inventions”
“You make things? That’s great, can you make me a slide?”
“I can make you a compact; give you some make-up to wear”
And just like that I felt flattered. Ah, the kid’s a genius. He should talk to himself more, all geniuses talk to themselves. Maybe he already does it, it’d explain the confidence. God, I’m so proud of him.
So I tell him, “Ok, don’t talk girly stuff to me, alright? We’re off to a good start here, only my aunt talks about girly things, and I don’t like to listen all that much. Don’t be a man version of my aunt please”
“Alright, I’ll make your slide. Will I still need to be questioned?”
“No, I’ll ask questions while you’re working”
“Can I go home and tell everyone?”
“I don’t think you want to talk about the slide, they might come over and play with it; let’s just make it our slide, OK?”
“I have some bombs with me; I was supposed to use them on the railroad you’re building on the mountain”
“Oh you can still do that, give yourself a cover story”
“Great, great, how long do you want the slide?”
“Tell you what, carve it out of Ice”
“It’s too hot, it’d melt out there”
“OK, build me it in the winter”
“So I owe you it?”
“I also owe you dinner”
I don’t know why that came out the way it did dinner with a resistance member isn’t ok, it’d take plenty of precautions to make that work, but the guy made me feel good y’know? It was nostalgic to see someone from a more uncomplicated time.
Is this word salad to you? I won’t ask you to ring back, you’ll probably just toss the salad straight back at me.
Anyway, got to go, all the best in dealing with the luminous triad in the coming days. I told them not to mix martinis with murder juice but they often make rare exceptions to the rule.