“I’m ready, I want to be at home with my grandson” he says, a look of longing in his eyes, longing for home comforts, longing for quality time spent with loved ones.
Or was it longing for the opportunities he was about to miss out on?
I can’t help but smile, I can’t help but be moved, because I know it’s not the latter, he’s leaving for the right reasons; he’s leaving for just reasons.
He’s leaving our fam to be with his own.
This is it, this was properly it
Oh blimey, now what am I going to do?
Of all the people to turn me down, turn all this down, why him?
If I were a little less kind, a little less tolerant, I would be cursing out Ryan Sinclair right now for not speaking out about this, to convince Graham to stay, that he’s his own man with his own life to lead. Graham has so much more of the universe to see before he slips away.
I can’t tell when that’ll be, I can’t tell when the cancer will take hold of him again, all I know is I’ve lost my window to remind him every day that he should not let that scare him out of doing anything extraordinary.
Yaz tells him she’s going to miss him, she’ll miss him far more than she thinks, and I’ll miss the calming influence he has on her. I feel young Yasmine will be quite a handful to me going forward if that shove from earlier in the mission was any indication.
She seems so possessive, she’s afraid of letting go, like I’m all that tethers her to some meaningful purpose in life.
It’s not fair, I tell the universe, why must I carry on while everyone stays behind? As it pertains to Yaz, just why do I need to bear this burden of personal responsibility? Is it some kind of karmic punishment for defying the will of The Judoon? For escaping their justice?
Am I being told to grow a little? Maybe a lot?
Can’t help but think these thoughts, they always course through me whenever situations like this arise; I’m left wondering what I could have done to make things right, or different.
Oh no, now he wants a hug. That’s certainly different.
Still, it might just be one of the few things I can do right by him in this situation.
Were it not for social awkwardness, it’d be more than a hug.
My face tells the whole story, a long drawn out feature made of missed opportunity and wasted time, how inappropriate given my very calling as a time and space traveller.
He thanks me for everything…no, dearest Graham, thank you.
He prepares to leave; I can’t let him go, not after receiving a taste of his warmth, of his generosity, of his love.
I beckon him over and we all come together in one last unified circle of friendship and family, our arms wrapped tightly around each other’s waists, I hold Graham closest to me, his immediate present about to become my inevitable past, and I would no longer be a part of his future.
“Bye fam” I say.
And then he goes, Ryan in tow, and we’re alone.
Yaz is with me, but whether or not she truly is altogether there will be for our time together to decide.
For now, I am left with my thoughts.
And all I can think of is just how unfair it all is.
Is love ever fair?