All posts by zariusii

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The Simpsons-Extract From Another Series [Fanfic]

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EXTRACT FROM ANOTHER SERIES


“Hi, I’m Troy McClure, you may remember me from such tv movies as “To Have and to Hold My Beer”, and “Where There’s A Wi-Fi, There’s No Will”. Today I have a very special treat for you, a recently rediscovered deleted scene from the pilot episode of Chief Wiggum: P.I, that long-running series starring Springfield’s very own Chief Clancy Wiggum and Seymour Skinner. The scene covers a great deal, and there’s even more to expect from everyone’s favorite family The Simpsons as they drop in to wish both of their old friends luck. Let’s drop in on them now…”

“Well family, we’re here, and just in time for Mardegras” said Homer as the family car came to a halt.

“I wasn’t aware you knew what day Madegras festivities fell on” said Bart.

“I still don’t, it just happens to be going on as I parked the car” said Homer.

“Homer, you’ve parked right in the middle of the whole thing” observed Marge as they stepped out into the street.

“Now, we’ve got two options…one is we join in on all the activity, largely to avoid being caught for disrupting the thing, or we could go and visit our old friend Clancy Wiggum”

“Dad, you’re not friends with him, he’s arrested you more than a couple of times and his son stalked Lisa” remarked Bart.

Lisa savagely elbowed Bart in the shoulder for his trouble.

“What’s up with you?” said Bart.

“Leave Ralph alone, he was confused at the time, besides he did a lot of nice things for me in those days” said Lisa, trying to conceal how hurt she was.

Bart quickly caught on to why she was acting funny.

“I knew there was a reason we came here, it’s because you want to check up on him isn’t it? You never got a chance to say goodbye to him when he left Springfield” Bart realized.

“Mom, tell him to keep his inquiring mind at bay” Lisa pleaded.

“Look dear, Lisa has been thinking about Ralph a great deal, I remember I pushed my sisters to take me to the east coast just so I could hand an old friend of mine, Patricia Phelps back her jump-rope after it spent a good seven years in my care”

“Hey, I was the one who had to retrieve that, my car broke down and your sisters volunteered to drive me the rest of the way, then they left me there. You had to pick me up, how can you not remember that?” Homer replied.

Marge hummed to herself.

“Sometimes to make one feel good about yourself with a cherished memory, it’s necessary to invent one”

“I just worry about how Ralph is keeping up” Lisa explained, “First his dad gets fired for mass corruption, then his parents divorce. He’s such an innocent, delicate soul, you can break his heart pretty easily”

“You speak from experience” Bart said.

“Mom” Lisa yelled.

“Don’t tease your love-struck sister dear” said Marge.

“Mom” Lisa aggressively whispered.

“Oh, right, should have left that part out” said Marge.

“It’s more guesswork than actual fact” said Lisa.

“Yes, but the way you told me to keep quiet indicates otherwise” replied Marge.

“Let’s just try to focus on the important things shall we?” insisted Lisa.

“Yeah, like finding out just what kind of depths even our ex Principal Skinner is sinking to around here. I heard he moved here along with Wiggum” said Bart, rubbing his hands together with a mischievous energy.

“That whole Tamzarian business really did bring his whole world crashing down, he’s got just the right kind of backstory needed to fit in to a shadier world like this” Marge observed.

“All the more reason to give him one last phase of torture” Bart revealed.

“I think I spot Wiggum, let’s dress up and sneak up on him” said Homer, lifting a Mardegras outfit off of a citizen and placing it on Bart.

Lisa took a look around, she was certain she had spotted someone she had been longing to look at again, she was sure she had spotted Ralph in the crowd riding the shoulders of an altogether different person.

And he looked happy.

Lisa breathed a sign of loving relief at that.

“Well folks, while Lisa remains oblivious to the fact Ralph was spending time with his kidnapper, what can I say to something that touching other than maybe ”Too bad you can’t get to touch it..for now”, that deleted scene can’t be found on the upcoming official DVDs unfortunately, but they can be found as a hidden Easter Egg. A literal one. Try to find them scattered around your local parks. Until then, I’m Troy McClure, you can expect me in some upcoming projects as ‘Three Days of the Doctor” and “Where’s Your Hummer Gone?”. Thanks for watching”

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Amazing Spider-Man-Moments of Need [Fanfiction]

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THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN:

MOMENTS OF NEED

(Contains spoilers for Amazing Spider-Man#1 by Nick Spencer and Ryan Ottley)


When a weary and troubled Peter Parker dropped by Mary Jane Watson’s apartment, It was one of those moments in time where everything paused, and all that was laid out before them was their eternity together.

Thier eternity as friends, as lovers, as partners.

Reality had meddled in those moments, diminished them, stripped them of the belief those moments could be eternal, and they had been more than content to invite this cruel paradigm in.

But recent days, recent events, had drawn them closer to their eternal connection once more.

As Peter bore his soul to her, as he had done so many times, and was as unsure and as frightened as he’d ever been when sharing his failings and insecurities, Mary Jane had thought it motivated by the recent death of Flash Thompson, sacrificing his life to halt the rampage of the vindictive and calculating Norman Osborn.

She thought it’d even had something to do with how willing she’d been to stand side by side with him and Venom against Osborn.

Perhaps these moments in their endless waltz together had touched him as much as it’d touched her, causing her to reflect on what she had come to reject in the past, perhaps realizing that it was, again, just another instance in eternity of all too fleeting hesitation.

Peter continued, telling her that he was uncertain of whether or not he was making a mistake, apologizing for asking this much of her.

But Mary Jane didn’t care much for the insecure moments, she focused on the one precise moment that counted.

The moment of need.

It was Peter conveying his need for her in his life, to help him survive the unsustainable moments, that convinced her, at this precise time, to embrace Peter with a warm embrace and a gentle reaffirming kiss.

He had told her he was in need of her once before, back when they were trapped in an airport under siege, and some anguished part of her had always told her Peter had salvaged something back then, something she felt was just out of her soul’s reach, but one she felt compelled to grasp through this latest re-connection.

If there was something that had been lost, it would be found again…perhaps even born again.

All it took to draw her back into Peter’s world were those precise moments of need.

“We’re in this together Pete…and we always have been” she said to him, as their endless waltz resumed again.

Pokemon-Gotta Catch Ya Now! [Fanfiction]

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GOTTA CATCH YA NOW!

BASED ON “GOTTA CATCH YA LATER!”


With the Johto League Super Conference behind them, Ash and his friends decide to take a well-earned rest in Viridian City before they began the short journey back to Ash’s home of Pallet Town.

As they stood atop a small hill on the road leading into Viridian City, the three friends took in the lush woodland around them. The mixture of scented flowers and brisk air awoke strong nostalgic memories in Ash, memories of family, and of one day in particular.

So strong was the memory that Ash could hear the voices of the past echo all around him

You be good to your Mom”

Can I step into the wild you Dad?”

Come and catch me”

“Ash? Is something the matter?” asked a concerned Misty

Ash, on the defensive, looked her in the eye and let out a hefty laugh.

“Never better Misty”

Ash’s faithful Pikachu had taken to the green around the travelers, searching for some wild Pokemon to chase about or to even battle so his partner could catch a few. It loved a challenge, and despite being exhausted from his Johto experience, was eager to keep his battle prowess in tip top condition.

But there was to be no playtime of this caliber to come, as Ash beckoned Pikachu to get a move on as they made their way through the forests.

“Hold up a second Ash, Misty’s shoelaces have come loose” said Brock.

Ash, however, was drifting in and out again, the nostalgic pull of the voices in his head compelling him to think back to simpler times.

“Don’t you leave me behind Ash Ketchum” snapped Misty as she tied her shoelaces together.

For some reason, it was this that caused Ash to snap back out of his trance-like state.

“What? Oh, yeah, sure Misty, I promise” he said dismissively as Misty caught up with them.

“Our first port of call ought to be the Pokemon Center” said Brock enthusiastically.

Ash and Misty gave each other knowing looks, they knew what he really wanted.

“Keen to try your luck with Nurse Joy again I see” Ash remarked.

“We see Joy in virtually every town” Misty added.

“See, yet never handle. That’s due to change” said Brock, oozing confidence.

Heading into the city, the Pokemon Center was indeed the first port of call for the young trio, and Nurse Joy was of course there to greet them.

Ash handed in his pokeballs, each containing a well worn-out Pokemon still recuperating from their exhausting battles.

“I couldn’t help but notice you’re carrying one too many balls, mind if I help lighten your load?” Brock asked, trying his best to conceal his flirtatious intentions by earning his way into Joy’s good graces.

Joy, however, was having none of it.

“I’m afraid the ball is out of your court” said Joy, and gripped one Pokeball she couldn’t carry by hand in her teeth, carrying all of them over to the resuscitator.

Brock sighed. Misty patted him on the shoulder.

“Nevermind Brock, you’ll get the balls rolling some day” Misty.

A distraught Brock looked Ash’s loyal Pikachu dead in the eyes, Pikachu gave Brock a thumbs up and a wink.

Having replenished the Pokemon and returned them to their owners, Nurse Joy took some time out to examine the trio that had ventured into her place of work, she was trying to place their faces, as she was sure she’d seen them before.

Eager to prove her hunch was correct, Joy browsed the center’s vast computer database and looked up a list of trainers who had been present at the center some months prior. She soon struck paydirt as Misty’s profile and information, including her known relatives, was soon displayed on the screen.

Confident she had found her woman, Nurse Joy returned to the center’s waiting room.

“Excuse me Ma’am, you are related to the Gym leaders of Cerulean City aren’t you?” Joy asked her.

“Yes, what of it?” Misty replied, curious as to what was up.

“A few days ago, your sisters dropped by Viridian City and requested we pass along a message to someone fitting your description. They have been summoned to a private beauty pageant in an undisclosed region and may be gone for some time, they have entrusted the running of their gym to you”

Misty let out a faint gasp and frustration built up inside of her, she swiftly let Nurse Joy know how she felt

“How could they do this to me? What about all my free time? I’ve got a life too you know, there are people I want to spend more time with, this will cut into everything” she said

“I’m very sorry, I wish I could do something” said Joy.

Misty calmed herself, and turned to her friends for support.

“Guys, I really don’t know what to say” she said.

Brock seemed pleased at the news, “Trust me, when the Pewter Gym was entrusted to me, I felt like a huge weight had been placed on my shoulders, but boy did I learn to lift”

Misty wasn’t buying how sincere he was.

“Brock, you haven’t been near your gym in ages, you left it behind to be with us, then you shacked up with she-who-must-not-be-named, then came crawling back to Pallet Town when that went belly up . Don’t lecture me about the responsibilities of the world when you’re still refusing to take any on board”

Brock looked at her with a sheepish expression, he had been firmly put in his place.

Misty turned to Ash, a slight lump in her throat as an unsettling and unnerving calm took hold of her

“Ash, say something” she said.

Ash produced a smirk and gave her a wink.

“You’ll do great Misty” he said, “Besides, it’s only until they come back right?” he said.

“Did’nt you hear what Joy said? We don’t know how long this pageant will take…and it doesn’t help that I can read my sisters like a book, they’ve been on these kind of extended vacations before, but that was when I was little. Now I’m at the right age, they see fit to just get on their bikes and dash off to wherever and leave me with their workload” Misty continued.

“Oh, speaking of bikes, I have another surprise for you” said Joy, heading outside towards the center’s garage and beckoning the trio to join her.

Joy soon emerged from the garage with a very special gift.

Ash’s eyes lit up, while Misty’s eyes teared up.

“It’s your old bike, the one I ‘borrowed’ to help get Pikachu to this center for emergency medical treatment when he got injured protecting me. I remember how mad you were, guess you don’t need to follow me around much anymore do you?” Ash joked.

Misty, however, didn’t see the funny side, to her this was all coming full circle too fast.

“How can you be so calm about this?” she said, “We’re being pulled apart and you seem to think it’s like every other day”

Misty’s words were falling deaf on Ash, as he was recalling, once again, an altogether different day, and altogether different voices.

The voices were known to him, as echoes of the past tended to be. He could see in his mind’s eye, himself at a younger age standing outside his house, his mother behind him and his father in front, a heavy bag slouched over his shoulders, and slowly walking away from the pair

Can I come into the wild with you Dad?” said the young Ketchum

His father turned and smiled.

“You know how I get to keep all of my wild Pokemon don’t you son?” he said.

“You catch them” said Ash.

Think of where I am now as something you admire from a distance, but when you’re old enough to understand, when you’re ready to step into the wild, come and catch me” he said.

Ash wanted to ask him one last question, one he felt he ought to ask someone now.

But first he had to settle for the questions that lay in wait for him in the here and now

“Ash Ketchum, are you even listening to me?” Misty snapped angrily.

“I’m sorry Misty, my mind’s been elsewhere” said Ash apologetically.

“Maybe it’s me that needs to be elsewhere” Misty said, and dashed off towards the mountains.

“Misty, wait” said Ash, but Misty was too emotionally distraught to pay attention, she needed some space.

“Ash, go talk to her” Brock said.

Ash kept himself closed off.

“Will you guys excuse me? I have to make a call” Ash replied

“Of course” said Nurse Joy.

As Ash headed inside the center, Brock was left with a feeling of unease, feeling as if nothing had truly prepared him for these emotional winds of change.

“Neither of them are taking this well, Ash is so distant” Brock said to Joy

“You three have been together a long time haven’t you?” said Joy.

“We’ve led quite a roller coaster life, but we haven’t had to deal with the kind of adventure the real world tends to bring” lamented a saddened Brock.

Back at the center, Ash contacted his mother Delia via video phone

“Hi Mom” he said.

“When are you due back in Pallet Town sweetie?” Delia replied.

Ash cleared his throat, he let his mind wander backwards into the past one last time, hearing the voices of his father and his child self resonate, taking that final exchange they had not as something to cherish, but as something to heed.

Still apprehensive, Ash responded as firmly as he could.

“That’s just the thing Mom, I might not be back for a while” Ash said

“Any particular reason?”

“Mom, do you remember when I set off on my journey to be a Pokemon master?” Ash said.

“Proudest day of my life. You’ve grown into a great trainer. Your advancements in the Johto league were all the neighbors could watch on tv and talk about the next day. Every step you take further and further into the world beyond Pallet Town takes you that further to filling in the shoes of your dad. I know he’s as proud of you as I am”

“How is dad?” Ash asked.

“He hasn’t come home yet, but when he does we’ll celebrate how far you’ve come” she assured her son.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about him lately. I bet you have too” Ash said.

“Every day” she replied.

The tone of the conversation turned less jubilant between mother and son as Ash posed a question

“Does it get harder?” he asked.

Delia fell silent, if only briefly, her smile diminished, she briefly closed her eyes and held her hands close to her chest.

Ash felt a pang of guilt, but felt compelled to continue. Something was eating away at him, a choice memory that had been persisting since they arrived in Viridian City.

His mother’s voice soothed his inner sense of uncertainty as she finally responded.

“Whenever he or you are far from home, I reach down into my memories and I pick out all of the moments we spend together, and I bring them to the surface. Nothing that brings me such joy could ever equal a burden, don’t ever think of yourself or your father as something that could bring any day difficulty. What you leave behind, the promises you make for tomorrow, are what see me through today”

Ash let these words from the heart ease himself back into the memory of one such promise. One he’d dismissed earlier

“Don’t you leave me behind Ash Ketchum”

“I promise”

The promise he’d made then took his thoughts back further to another conversation, in another lifetime.

Catch me later” said his father.

Why not now?” asked the young Ketchum

Ash stepped out of the projected memories, past and present, with renewed conviction, and at peace.

“Is there anything troubling you dear?” Delia asked of her son. Ash shook his head and gently wiped away a small selection of minute tears.

“Nothing Mom. It’s nothing…and everything. I’ll call you again as soon as I can” Ash said.

“I love you sweetheart, catch you later” she said.

Ash smiled.

She always would keep his Dad close to her.

Ash came out of the center and found Nurse Joy, he examined the bike.

“You guys did a real swell job” he said.

Nurse Joy beamed with an approving smile. Ash turned back to look at her.

“…But it could do with a slight modification”

A few hours later, Misty had calmed down and had returned from her trek through the mountains, and had caught some water type Pokemon deep in the cavern rock pools. She saw Ash and Brock awaiting her with the bike.

Resigned to her fate, Misty took a deep breath and walked over to them.

“Guys, Ash, I wanted to say sorry for…” she began, but quickly cut herself off as she examined the bike, noticing a significant change had been made to it.

“Ash, my bike, why does it have an extra seat?” she asked.

Ash walked over to the bike and stroked the second seat gently with his right hand.

“I thought we could ride back into Cerulean City, you and me, together”

“I’m flattered Ash, but don’t you need to head back home?” Misty replied.

“I am” he said.

“Ash, what are you saying?”

Ash gripped Misty’s hands tightly with his own. Misty felt a flutter in her chest as her heart beat faster.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about my dad, about a question I asked him when I was younger, he never answered it, he took off into the wild and I’ve been trying to catch him ever since. My whole journey has been trying to grasp something always just out of reach, I can’t let this happen again to someone I also admire, someone I care about”

Misty blushed, she held back fresh tears.

“We’d see each other again” Misty assured him, reminding him of what he’d said earlier “, It’s only until my sisters come home, I can tolerate a few million days and nights by myself once I put my mind to it”

“Then we’ll wait for them together, sometimes it’s better to have someone keeping you company” Ash argued.

“Your ship needs a captain” Brock remarked, reminding him of something he said the last time he parted company with them.

“How about you Brock? We could always use an extra hand” Misty said.

“Nah, you were right, I need to get back to Pewter City and run the gym, maybe I could work out a bit, put some muscle on so I’m as chisled as my Onyx” Brock joked.

Ash and Misty mounted the bike, Misty’s Togepi was deposited in the basket attached to the front, while Pikachu climbed aboard Ash’s head.

The pair waved goodbye to Brock and proceeded to head in the direction of Cerulean City, leaving Brock behind to start his own journey back.

But first, he’d try his hand once more at flirting with Joy.

“Are you sure Brock can take care of himself on the way back?” Ash asked Misty.

“Oh knowing him, he’ll get a lift from Officer Jenny once she comes over to arrest him for harrasing Joy at her workplace” joked Misty.

Ash clung to Misty’s back tightly, Pikachu spotted something up in the sky and prodded Ashe’s head, prompting him to stare upwards too.

Misty brought the bike to a standstill so she and Togepi could stare upwards at the mesmerizing sight also.

High above, a magnificent bird flew over them, a Ho-Oh, native to the Johto region.

“It’s beautiful” said Misty.

“It must be heading home” Ash said.

“Just like us right?” said Misty.

“I guess” said Ash.

Misty smiled, she could tell what Ash was thinking,

“You want to try your luck catching something like that?” she asked.

A part of Ash would have jumped at the opportunity, but he opted to stick by his current decision.

“I meant what I said, it’s better I leave things to the wild and catch what you have in front of you for now” Ash revealed.

As the pair resumed their journey, it came to an abrupt halt as the bike fell into a connivningly camoflaughed pit.

Thrown from the bike, Ash struggled to get his bearings and almost slipped into unconsciousness. Only Pikachu and Togepie’s cries kept him active and alert. He scrambled to Misty’s location.

Ash noticed the fall had left Misty with a bruised leg and some minor cut. He shook her gently, trying to bring her around.

“Come on Misty, wake up” Ash replied.

Much to Ash’s relief, Misty came around.

“Anybody ever tell you you badly need a bath?” she said, noticing the specks of grime on Ash’s face.

Ash gripped her hand tightly and brought her to her feet. Pikachu and Togepi high-fived one another once it was clear Misty was simply shaken.

“What just happened?” Misty said, observing the deep crater they were in.

“Someone’s cruel idea of a prank, this could have been worse for others, what if some kids were playing nearby?” Ash responded.

“Unfortunately for you, playtime is over” uttered a snark voice from above them.

Ash and Misty found themselves face to face with three individuals towering over them.

“Who are you guys?” Ash asked.

“Prepare for trouble” said Kai.

“Team Rocket?” Misty asked.

“Not quite, we’re the Triple K, Kim, Kail and Kai, the best trappers and trainers in all of Viridian City, and we’ve been tasked by Team Rocket with acquiring that Pikachu, hand him over” said Kail.

Misty stepped forward, shielding Pikachu.

“Oh look, she wants to be a hero” observed Kim.

“Get behind me Ash” Misty said.

“Misty, come on, it’s my Pikachu they want, let me in on this action” Ash replied.

“I can handle this myself Ash” said Misty.

“I promised you we’d be all in this together from now on, not one soul’s an island woman” argued Ash

“Hey, are you having a quarrel down there?” said Kail.

Ash and Misty looked at each other, their faces red with embarrassment.

“I guess Team Rocket’s descriptions of these two were accurate, they are lovebirds” Kim said.

“Enough stalling. Kai, send in your Hitmochan” ordered Kail.

Kai did as instructed and sent Hitmochan into the pit.

“I’m sorry Ash, I guess with you willing to live under my roof, I got a little overprotective” Misty remarked as the Hitmonchan came closer.

“Real world responsibilities, don’t let them shake you, let me share them” said Ash.

Misty nodded.

“Ready Pikachu?” said Ash. Pikachu nodded while Togepi retreated to the remains of the bike and hid.

Ash give Misty a confident and sharp look.

“Ok tigress..pounce” he said.

“Go Politoed” Misty commanded as she set one of her own Pokemon loose.

“Use water gun” Misty instructed. Politoed obeyed and let out a gush of high pressure water at the physically intimidating Hitmonchan. It proved super effective, knocking him out instantly.

The triple K sent in two more Pokemon, Hitmonlee and Hitmontop, which surrounded Politoed.

“Pikachu, thunderbolt attack now” instructed Ash.

Pikachu’s delivery of the bolt was swift and devastating to Hitmonstop, stunning him. Politoed used the bubbles attack on Hitmonchan, while Pikachu delivered another ferocious thunderbolt to Hitmontop and Rapid Spin on Hitmonlee. It wasn’t long before the team of Pallet and Cerulean’s finest had mopped the floor with the forces of the Triple K.

Ash and Misty clambered out of the pit and approached the trio, who all backed away slowly

“Hey, nothing personal you know, simply business” Kim said.

“If this was buisness, consider this pleasure” said Ash, and instructed Pikachu to again use thunderbolt, Misty joined in with Politoed and water gun.

“I guess these stories about blasting off are also true” the trio all screamed in unison as they were captaulted into the air and vanished into the distance.

“Well, guess Team Rocket won’t be paying top dollar for those cheapskates services anytime soon” remarked Ash.

“Yeah, but who’s going to pay for my bike, it’s wrecked again” said Misty as she climbed back into the pit to pick up Togepi.

“Oh I’ll sort that old thing out once we get back to the gym. I need to find something to occupy my time while you’re accepting Gym battle challenges” Ash said.

“I’d much rather you challenge me every day, at least I know I’d stand more than a fair chance against you” Misty remarked as she climbed back out of the pit.

“Hey” Ash said, slightly annoyed.

Misty smiled and rubbed her hand gently through Ash’s hair, handing him back his hat. She kissed him tenderly on the cheek.

“Relax Ash Ketchum, you’ll learn a lot. By the time we’re done, we’ll be the talk of town, and not just as Gym leaders” she said.

Ash pondered what she meant by that, and his mind again drifted back into the mists of time to something Misty had said to him.

An unintentional sign at the time?

No.

A promise.

“You and I will be married someday too”

“I’ll hold you to that” Ash said aloud.

Misty, having not been privy to his innermost thoughts, was confused.

“I did’nt quite catch that” she said.

Ash laughed and began to run enthusiastically towards the direction of Cerulean city. Misty, clutching Togepi tightly, took off after him with Pikachu dashing alongside her.

“Don’t you leave me behind Ash Ketchum” she yelled happily.

“Sure Misty, I promise, just so long as you catch me first” Ash yelled back at her.

Now was as good a time as ever.

Doctor Who-Let’s Kill Hitler [Fanedit]

 

When certain events in history happen, people always reflect on where they were at the time.

For me, I recall exactly where I was when Let’s Kill Hitler went out…it had been my parent’s silver wedding anniversary, we had a grand old tea at a swank little inn and many family members came back to the family homestead for a few drinks and a bit of chatter. I had to watch the episode in my bedroom along with my cousin and little brother. At one point, an uncle joined in.

This, for many, is where not only series six went wrong, but you got the distinct feeling DW’s days as the “cool” thing to watch were numbered in the years to come.

It took a year for it to sink in, but this was it. The first post-hiatus episode following the gripping “A Good Man Goes to War” and what did we get? A flipping River Song rom-com disguised as an origin story. If anyone watching the show had a pre-existing distaste for Alex Kingston’s performance, their tempers were not quelled by this.

And yet, I quite like it.

For all the ham, the comedy, the “clever lie” bit which deconstructs the temporal grace of the TARDIS, and the gimmicky misleading title which doesn’t involve the tantalizing time travel conundrum of what to do with Adolf if you met him, it’s a very energetic script, it does offer some insights into what the Silence are, and the Tesselecta is a great concept, albiet more for the time travel modus operandi than ripping off the Numbskulls in the Beano.

I may enjoy a lot of this episode, but make no mistake, this is where series six died a gurning death over the course of 45 minutes and the Moffat era was never regarded in quite the same light again.

You can enjoy something, but you must always be aware of it’s faults so you can understand the side who trash it and not callously dismiss them in the name of the 10/10 club mentality that think the whole series is sunshine and rainbows.  You see this all the time in certain Whovian podcasts on Youtube and reaction channels, save for maybe two (Zaredit personally recommends Blindwave and Seskasays for some proper analysis)

Ah, but there wouldn’t be an edit if there wasn’t something to cut now would it? And there was a lot to go, making this, the second of my World War II themed edits, to run at a considerably shorter run time, this one clocking in at 35 minutes.

The episode begins with the way it should have, with Hitler at the front and center of the action. If you’re going to mishandle the furher, at least make it seem like he’s important…set up a bit of a mystery as to what the Tesselecta want with him, and give the Doctor a massively impactful entrance with the TARDIS crashing through…then have the titles come as Hitler, sodding Hitler, thanks our intrepid travelers for saving his life. DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNNNNNN.

Gone too is the creation of the crop circle summons and the introduction of Mels in the stolen car, and the flashbacks to her childhood with Amy and Rory.  All you need to know from the moment Mels is released from prison is that she’s a friend of the family, she set Amy and Rory up together, and she’s trouble.

Afterwards, one of the last things to go was the ultimate in time-wasting filler, where Matt Smith does a little bit of self-sabotaging and diminishes the enigmatic performance of his Doctor by indulging  in a childish tantrum about guilt and yelling out fish fingers and custard a gazillion times to really emphasize to the whole audience that Doctor Who serves the children’s whims above the adults or the family.

And that’s your lot. Episode ends on the Doctor handing River her diary and the Doctor/Song ‘ship era is well and truly set to sail in a few filler’s time. Hello Benjamin.

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Doctor Who-Victory of the Daleks [Fanedit]

1j65

Another edit revisited…with a lot more experience under my belt, I was able to put this together with a bit more finesse.

For those new to the blog, this is a minimalist 30-minute cut of Victory of the Daleks, Mark Gatiss’ first major script for the Moffat era and the second big letdown of the series one episode after The Beast Below. The signs were all there from the two that trouble was brewing, but fortunately the rest of the series was top notch quality and spared such thoughts from manifesting in most fans’s minds until the mass bungling of the latter half of series six.

Victory of the Daleks biggest crime is the New Dalek Paradigm, aka the Teletubby Dalek Rangers…which I couldn’t remove. If I could, I would, I swear[/George Micheal], so I decided to make do with removing the other big misfire of the story…Bracewell, the Dalek-enginerred scientist who “develops” the gorgeous looking Ironside Daleks (why didn’t Moffat keep them on?)  is revealed to be a living bomb.

What happens next is a truly despicable bit of emotionally manipulative storytelling where the power of love saves the day for the first time in the Moffat era. It’s time consuming filler designed purely to drag out the Daleks’ inevitable escape and nothing more, so off it goes.

Also gone is the ending with Amy’s crack forming just as the TARDIS dematerializes, just to give this episode more of a one-and-done feel.

Do your worst Adolf!

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Blink and Think [Original Story]

BLINK AND THINK

Johnny hadn’t quite gotten the knack of the contact lenses yet. He was thinking about the girls in his class again, and how unattractive they were.

Not unattractive in the conventional sense, as if they had buck teeth, or features that were cratered with acne and too many freckles, but unattractive in the sense of morality.

These were the girls you would entrust your deepest secrets to out of some cocky notion they would take pity on a nice guy and turn to you in understanding, but all they do is turn the information loose on their friends, or their jock boyfriends who’d wait patiently for you outside the school gates and taunt you mercilessly with the information as you crossed the road, complete with their judgement.

You’d get half-way across the road with your darkest secret being thrown back in your ear, and you’d be compelled to stop dead in your tracks and hope the approaching school bus carrying all who were in kindergarten would mow you over and give the little devils it was carrying their first glimpse of the cost of mortality up close.

He wanted to punish those girls for not being the kind that would stand by the nice guys in the class, the ones that could stay equal and independent of them, but have the compassion and kindness necessary to be open to dates, to maybe even marriage, and maybe even a family.

Too many women in his generation weren’t functioning the way his mother did in her marriage to his father. He had been raised by a family that had lived in conservative times that had been graced only by the tender innocence of then-radical innovation. Ideas of how the world ought to function differently, but ones that had not taken on any form of chaotic exaggeration or had helped to bend too many rules.

This was an age where the nice guys were tarred and feathered, and mocked for their insecurities, not helped through them.

But then, maybe the nice guys had earned it.

Nice guy is often an easily used term to describe the shy, the needy, the socially awkward, the helpless, and too many strong-willed women, at least the ones in his class, didn’t take to that. Maybe it was an age-old story God got nostalgic for and applied it to each generation, Johnny didn’t know, he was only fourteen.

He was fourteen and thinking way too much about anything but the lesson being taught to him, the lessons about the contact lenses attached to his pupils.

In today’s age of radical thought and radical behavior, learning the nature of these lenses was key to maintaining an ever rare prescense of dignity.

The nice guys now needn’t tell any jock’s girlfriend their private info out of some desire to be noticed, even loved, now all they had to do was blink and think, and it would all be downloaded onto the lenses, the glass also functioning as a clear micro server, a cloud drive with which all that was conjured forth in the mind during the lesson would be stored.

That would include revision, research, answers, questions the student didn’t have the motivation or drive to really ask of the tutor, and of course slightly more wayward thoughts.

It was often agreed upon in the testing stages that the lenses being open to all thoughts would lead to a significantly more focused form of think tank, where the dangers of having their dirty laundry processed would encourage students to be of a more strict and educationally focused mindset, with no room for filth in their thoughts.

If they persisted, the information would be collectively gathered from the lenses, uploaded to the computers in the staffing area, and each potentially devious and damaging thought would be noted down and put in a permanent record which would be issued to every other educational facility and job agency far across the country.

It seemed like an unfair and demanding task, one the students had no control over, but there was some quality of mercy attached to this insistence on a more strict and uniform collective.

The required information would be processed and separated through the right and left lenses, representing the left and right centers of the brain, which also process problem solving, logistics, and more creative and self-pleasing thoughts separately.

As the bell rang, the teacher instructed the student body to remove the contacts they were wearing and place them in the boxes, which would then be gathered by a choice pupil. The class would then move on to another room where they would undergo the same process for that specific tutor and subject, and repeat the process through all available periods until the end of the day’s school session.

This was the first day, the first hour, and the first moment of truth for Johnny.

He had been processing much of the lesson despite constantly thinking about the abhorrent actions of women among the student body, but he worried that his thoughts would be regarded as controversial, he wasn’t quite sure how to feel.

He nervously walked up to the intimidating cardboard boxes at the edge of the Tutor’s table, watching as the rest of the boys and girls removed their lenses and deposited them in the left and right versions.

Johnny was in a particular pickle here, and with good reason.

He could never tell left from right.

A friend of his chose this opportunity to pat him on the back with a gently slap that knocked both of his lenses into the left box.

A student in the class was summoned to take the boxes to the staffing area, to Johnny’s dismay, it was one of the girls.

“Hey wait up, I want to check if I put the lenses in the correct box” Johnny said to the girl as she left the classroom.

“You’re Johnny Spencer aren’t you?” the girl said as she skipped merrily along, Johnny trying to keep up with her.

Johnny looked in the box, on the lenses were little nuggets of binary code, the same row of numbers except for the final digit, the digit represented the student number on the class roster roll-call sheet.

“Don’t worry, just tell me what number you are and I’ll fish it out” the girl said.

“Ok, twelve” he said.

“There, that was easy” she said.

“I’m a bit worried…my thoughts on there, some of them aren’t pleasant” he said

“Neither were mine” the girl replied, telling Johnny how all she could think of was making love to a German footballer she’d saw plastered all over the back end of the express newspaper.

Johnny laughed.

“See? Everyone’s dirty laundry is on the left side lenses, not just silly boys” she said, “It’s equal footing for everyone, nobody has any secrets, not from them, so we all have to be on our best behavior, and it doesn’t have to seen as slavery, or being forced to think more collectively, we can use this opportunity to build character, morals, strength, conviction, and maybe make a better choice when sharing our pleasures with those we love”

Johnny grinned, perhaps there were still some girls out there getting it right.

“I’m no German footballer, but maybe we could score sometime” he thought to himself, glad that the lenses were off so the girl wouldn’t pick up on that.

“Tell me what you’re thinking anytime” thought the girl back.

Locked away in their private thoughts, finding freedom in the ten or so minutes they could enjoy between classes, the two of them chatted away in as appropriate a manner as social norms allowed.