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Bob’s Burgers-It’s My Jam [Fanfic]

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BOB’S BURGERS
IT’S MY JAM

The dominance of Ga-Ga Ball was over.

Back in vogue were acting like cats across the playground of Wagstaff and sculpting perfectly formed breasts on hedge sculptures.

For one champion of the defunct sport however, falling back into more traditional activities proved weary.

Regular Size Rudy walked over to the basketball court and lay down on the tarmac, staring gently up at the sky, watching them form images that only his mind could perceive.

“Hey Rudester” came a voice from the left of him, Rudy smiled before turning, he knew who it was.

“”I thought you wanted that nickname banned” he said as Louise Belcher lay down next to him

“Hey, that was only so I could have exclusive rights to it, y’know? Besides, that was before you got me to channel my own compeititive spirt and play that game” she said.

“Sorry we were so taken in by it” Rudy continued, “It gave me so much confidence, but it also gave me too big an ego

“And it gave Gene the willes, good thing he convinced us all it was taking away the independence of the playground” Louise said.

“He still working on another hedge sculpture?” Rudy asked.

“He’s trying to give the thing braces now” Louise said.

“Hedge sculpting is great” Rudy replied

“It’s kind of considered vandalism here” Louise added.

“Which is even better” said Rudy, which made Louise laugh.

“So what are you thinking about?” she asked.

“Trying to picture myself in the clouds, slamming an ace dunk across the courtyard” said Rudy.

“Still hung up on your failings at basketball I see” noted Louise.

“That’s my jam Louise, that’s why I felt so empowered by Ga-Ga Ball, the chance for David to slay Goliath. This might sound a tad blasphemous, but being the person I was in that pit made me feel biblical”

“Well, thinking you’re God may be a little lofty, but it’s more preferable than declaring yourself a Phantom Menace, I’m glad you’re working on a page one rebuild of yourself, just don’t make it an Episode I rebuild, you know what I’m saying?” Louise replied.

The pair clutched their hands together and stared long and hard until they saw an image come together as the clouds danced around them.

“That’s a basketball net isn’t it?” said Louise looking at the right set of clouds, before turning and staring to the left of her.

“Wow, is that Michael Jordan? He looks pretty short” Louise observed.

“No, it’s Elmer Fudd. You have seen that movie right?” Rudy replied.

Louise smiled, and tightened her grip on Rudy’s hand.

“You know what the scary part is about you persuading me to play the game? Even when you turn out to be wrong, you’re always able to convince me you’re right”

Rudy turned and gently stroked her face with his right hand.

“This too, is so my jam” Rudy quietly whispered.

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BOB’S BURGERS-A LITTLE MORE TIME (FANFIC)

 

BOB’S BURGERS:

A LITTLE MORE TIME

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Louise was once taught in class that nobody ever opened a sentence with “Dammit”.

Within life’s many dramas, that expression had to be earned by whatever form of consequence occured to warrant it.

She was hanging upside down on the swing when she spotted the cause of potential problems headed her way, and she felt like now was one of those instances where the exclamation was deserving.

“Hey Louise” said Rudy.

“Oh hey there Rudy. Keeping things regular?” Louise asked, refusing to change her posistion, even if the blood was steadily rushing all the way to her face. She’d hoped he’d spot the red in her face and assume she was in a prickly mood and walk away.

He did’nt budge.

“Nothing out of the ordinary. Seems that sums up all of the last year” he said sollemly.

“Oh I’m sure it’ll pick up soon” Louise replied.

“I heard you had a belter of a valentine’s night out. Everyone’s talking about what Tina and your driver did to Jimmy Junior. You’d had a make-up job too, like you’d exorcised the demon right out from under the nose of the Balor club” Rudy continuecd.

Louise twiddled her fingers mischevously and let out a cackle.

“The sisterhood were quite bewitching that night” she said with some pride in her voice, this seemed to cheer Rudy up.

Louise could feel her tension dissapating, which caused her slight concern as well as relief. She realized her next question would dictate the mood of the conversation. She was fearful it would lead to ackwardness and tension, but she felt compelled to ask anyway.

“How was your valentine?” she said.

“Oh” Rudy replied, looking up at the sky, curious to see if it’d start raining once he began to vent.

“No luck on the kissing or dating front this year” he said.

Louise sighed and straightened herself up on the swing. She urged Rudy to come sit beside her on the opposite swing.

“C’mere you” she said.

Rudy sat down and looked quite down. Louise wanted to slap herself for noticing how sad he was, but she knew the time had come to talk.

It’d been a year since the kiss.

“How far away are you?” she asked.

“Glad you noticed how distant I’ve been lately. I’m not out of reach, I’m just out of options”

“Don’t say that, you’re closer than you think” Louise replied.

“In what way?” Rudy asked.

“Look, I told my Mom a big fat lie about our school play, how it was a western, and that you were the Sheriff and me your partner, and I built you up as a real brave character, someone I’d take a bullet for”

“You’ve been thinking about me in commendable ways? I thought the only way I mattered after our kiss was with my head on a MOST WANTED list”

“Oh you make that list alright, just in a different way” Louise joked.

“I can taste it you know, that raw slap you gave me. It was like Iron” Rudy replied.

“I bruise easy don’t I?” Louise continued.

Rudy looked at her sternly.

“Other people, yes” he continued

“Well you backed me into a corner that day…I did’nt want to just reveal how I felt, in case you…you know…”

“Became insistent? Don’t worry Louise, I respect how you are about the mushy stuff. You have no time for it” said Rudy in a defeatist tone.

Louise clutched his hand tightly.

“You never know…we all get a little older, and a little crazier, with each passing year. You’re right, I don’t have the time, but you can give me a little more time y’know?”

“There’s always valentines next year I guess” Rudy said.

“Just make sure you keep one thing in mind, while not every guy happens to be Jimmy Junior, you know what happens to those who are, so you be on your best behavior” Lousie replied, giving Rudy a fierce elbow.

“Wow, you do bruise easily” said Rudy, rubbing his right shoulder tensely.

“I know how to bruise, but you sure know how to kiss” said Louise.

Bob’s Burgers-The Unfinished Detail

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BOB’S BURGERS

THE UNFINISHED DETAIL

[Contains Spoilers for Mom, Lies, and Videotape]

 

Louise often had difficulty letting things go.

Even tall tales.

She couldn’t quite place why this notion for further closure presently  existed in her mind, but it was preventing her from a sound sleep.

The story had served its purpose, her mom was left feeling content and engaged by her account of how the play at school had went for her and her siblings. It wasn’t the real account by any  means, they had to exaggerate because their father’s camera had died out on them, but it was a satisfying yarn that had pleased her.

So why couldn’t she let it go?

Was there a detail she missed out?

She figured she had covered all the nitpicking basics covered. When she described  how Millie fell off of the upper floor of the bar in an elastic string shoot-out, she made sure her mother knew she had been training for weeks for the stunt.

She was the most experienced at the creative nuances of play production. She knew how to craft a cohesive story, so what wasn’t so straight about it?

Part of her thought it might have something to do with how she thought less of Millie, often her regular nemesis, in this scenario. Here she was in actuality a lackey to Chloe Barbash.

And then it hit her.

Of course it would be Chloe.

And of course it would be related to the one other thing she had left behind when she closed the story out.

The one detail she had left unfinished.

The Sheriff.

Rudy.

In this reality, he was something much more simple to her. He was her son. The son she was barely there for, but would at the most urgent of emergencies, come to the aid of no matter the distance between them in terms of miles, lifestyle or ideology.  Priorities were so much more tempered when you are protective of your own. There was no room for emotional compromise.

That is, until she herself was compromised.

She had let the story get away from her, but she relished it. She relished letting in that reality, to let loose, take a risk, take a stray elastic sting, and pass on, leaving what she left behind with strong words to live by, instructing him to take in as much air and life around him than anyone who treaded through life with such soft steps and  much   shorter breaths.

In this realm, her motherly instincts kicked in.

The deep lore she had established for herself…an outlaw who had rarely ever been there for her child due to  the most dubious and troublesome business leading her astray and incarcerating her,  was ushering in a desire for redemption.

In the land of the living, she had been inconsistent, as a spirit fit for the sky, she could look upon what kind of man she left behind.

So in order to sleep peacefully, she would spend her entire evening’s worth of dreams attempting that.

She envisioned the slick, crisp sunset hovered high above the backwater town, bringing a day glow sensation to those who dwelled in it.

The Sheriff took in this sensation while keeping a sharp eye trained on the funeral procession for his mother. He took out the mini-bellows that passed for his inhaler and took in a breath, he walked past the coffin, tenderly stroking the side of the brazen brown casket with his fingers.

He tapped a little diddy on the side, the first few notes of a song Louise pretended to have sang to him when he was little.

He took his leave of the procession and entered a tailor’s shop. He made a request.

Knitted spurs.

Louise could feel the other realm’s version of herself smiling warmly at him making specific mention of this, and she ascended to the highest point in heaven knowing he would not let his memory fade as long as his footprints remain engrained in the Earth.

She had that much faith in him.

Same applied to the version of him that awaited her in the real world. Where  the truth was more complex for her, where the priorities were all over the place due to age, hormones, and vitality.  Notions of love and compassion that overwhelmed her to such a degree she had to mask it in her day to day routine.

It was so much easier to consider herself a mother than a lover.

But who said reality, life, was simple?

Bob’s Burgers-An Expected Hit

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BOB’S BURGERS

AN EXPECTED HIT


“How far do I have to be?” asked Bob.

“Just a few inches more Bob” Linda replied, Bob slowly backing away from the restaurant.

“Lyn, you’re kind of backing me up onto the road here”

“That’s the point silly, now raise the ad up high” Linda instructed.

Bob raised a placard he held in his hand, with the word HIT scribbled on it, with a triangle in the middle.

Lyn, I really don’t want to hold up any traffic here

Oh you’ll be peachy Bob, now hold still while I take the shot

The Belcher children swiftly arrived on the scene

“Whoa Mom, you trying to get Dad whacked or something? Louise asked, taking note of the sign Bob was holding

“No, nothing of the sort kids, we’re just trying to move some business along”

“Lyn, come on” Bob said, as a few cars had already stopped dead in their tracks, their drivers aggressively telling him to move off the road.

“Looks to me that the traffic isn’t moving along” said Louise.

“Mom, what’s with the triangle on the sign?” said Tina.

“It requires an eye, like on the corrupt dollar bill” said Gene.

“Now Gene, what did we tell you about not taking the whole root of all evil thing seriously? ” Linda cautioned.

“I will not sleep soundly with a sound mind, my hats are made of tin for a reason. Assure me this is the work of the devil or I will be no angel today”

“Gene, I’m docking your pay for that remark” Linda said, annoyed.

Gene sulked.

“No, really mom, what’s with the triangle?” Tina asked

“It’s pointing to the restaurant, it says hit because that’s what the recent food reviews in the papers called us”. said Linda

” Whoa, whoa, wait Mom…that’s meant to be an arrow from a front angle?” Louise asked, slightly bamboozled.

“Yeah, the idea is we list the name of the street we’re on, take a picture of the road in the town, post it online and then the customers who view it on their apps and whatnot can pinpoint where it is.

Wouldn’t it have made more sense to write the name of the business on the sign? By just having it read ‘here’, you’re not giving it much information

“And if anything, the fact the rival restaurant is right behind him will probably make everyone think he’s advertising THAT” Louise pointed out

“Linda, they’re honking at me” cried out Bob, “I also think one of them’s contemplating stepping out of his car, yep, he’s rolling up his sleeves. The sleeves are rolled. ”

“I think you should give Dad the all clear Mom”

Louise suddenly felt someone tug at her skirt, she peered around and found pocket-size Rudy from school commanding her attention

“Oh, hey Rudy, fancy meeting you here”

“I wanted to give you this” Rudy said, handing Louise a thank you card. Louise read the message aloud.

“Be it small, regular, or large, you make everything feel fun size”

“Oh gee, that’s sweet of him…this is for saving him from those loons who loomed over him at lunch right? ” Tina asked.

“Yeah, thanks short stuff, it was my honour” Louise said, rubbing her hand across Rudy’s hair and scruffiying it up a tad.

“Aw, my little angel’s looking out for all her little cupcakes that begin with the same name”

“Don’t read into it Mom” Louise said, trying to cover her tracks. Linda gave her a knowledgeable stare, respecting her daughter’s desire to keep her true feelings for a Rudy of the regular kind private.

“Linda, for god’s sake, just write the address on the sign next time” Bob said

“Ok Bob, come away from the traffic, the kids have gotten me to change my mind”

Bob walked back, apologizing profusely to the drivers. It had been, however, too late to appease one of them, who had levelled his face with a mean right hook.

“We’re really going to have to hold family meetings if we’re going to plan big boosts for business” Bob said. Linda walked over to him and nursed his black eye.

“I guess this campaign led to a most expected hit” said Tina.

Bob’s Burgers-The End Is The Beginning

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BOB’S BURGERS

THE END IS THE BEGINNING

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS

(Contains Spoilers For “Bob Actually”)

As Louise received the hot tag from Ollie as the game of tag intensified, she knew that her role on the playground as of this moment was to be the personification of unparalleled terror.

The other kids knew just how devious she could be at administrating her own take on a tag. It wouldn’t just come up with a light prodding of her finger upon a part of the body. Oh no.

It would come with a tackle, a trust, a harsh cold slap across the cheek. It would be physical, it would be painful.

She was usually not in the business of dealing with the pleasantries of playtime. Louise Belcher was all about injecting a dose of chaos into the more tranquil activities during school hours.

After all, to her School was very trying. Why should anyone work off their stress when said stress would just start mounting up again as soon as they re-entered the classroom?

The kids scattered in all directions, except Andy and Ollie, who desired Louise to tag them so they could selfishly keep the game all to themselves, tagging one another until eternity caved in. Louise ignored them and pursued others on the playground.

Ultimately, though she stopped in her track.

Every world she paid attention to, the ones centred on the game, the playground, and the stress all caved in as she saw a solemn figure on one of the swings nearby, nimbly swaying back and forth and humming a faint little melody to himself.

Louise could faintly make it out. It was The Right Stuff from New Kids On The Block.

She only knew about that from the kind of music listened to by the father of her best friend.

She walked over to the boy on the swings, perched herself on the swing next to him and nudged him on the shoulder

“Hey buddy, what’s got you down?” she asked Rudy.

“Oh hey Louise, I was just thinking about life…and life, life again, ’till I’m kind of full of it”

“C’mon, life’s always kicking you in your perfect teeth, do me a favour and bite it right back” Louise replied.

“Oh I will…someone has to. I just wish it had been my third cousin”

“What happened with him?” Louise asked.

“He died this morning.”

Louise shuddered as a chill coursed through her veins.

“Major apologies man, death’s a kicker”

“Guess I’ll be using your poem for the funeral” Rudy replied, referring to the one she had written for their class project

“Hey, no, that’s morbid, you’re the guy that brings spoons to a gunfight, ready to make breakfast out of things that are hard to swallow, you can write something much better than that” Louise replied.

“Maybe I could talk a little about the disease he was fighting, how it made him a little desperate to die, but that he wanted everyone to go on living. He thought so selflessly…makes you wish we were all like that”

“Hey, living takes effort, especially with the low-lives you wind up having to put up with”

“Yeah, we’ve all had our fair share” Rudy spoke in agreement.

“Hey Belcher, get back in the game” snapped one obese kid on the playground as the two remained seated at the swings.

“Your tag is gonna come hard and heavy lardo” Louise retorted. Rudy laughed, then gasped for breath, Louise quickly rummaged through his pockets and gave him his inhaler.

“Thanks” he said, “You always bring me back from the brink of death”

“Hey, it’s me, the girl who breathed life into you on valentine’s day, you can always trust me to keep you going” Louise replied.

“I was thinking…if I ever got the same disease my cousin had, at any point, I’d like you to make the call on whether I should live or not.”

Louise tried to keep herself composed, she wasn’t the best at dealing with raw emotional dilemmas

“Are all your bat stir crazy breathing problems affecting your brain? Don’t ever ask me to do something like that Rudy ” she said

“You’re a cool cat Louise, there’d be no pressure with you” Rudy assured her.

“Yeah, but it’d mean letting you off life’s leash, I’d sooner reserve that for jerk offs like Logan”

“You said you’d end me, I’m holding you to that”

“That was only if you ever told anyone I kissed you” Louise whispered, not wanting anyone to hear her.

“Belcher, come on” cried out another kid as everyone scattered across the playground became restless with their impatience.

“Maybe it’s best you go play, don’t worry about me”

“I like worrying about you buddy…besides, you’re it”

Rudy suddenly remembered that when Louise had nudged him earlier, she was still playing the game, even though she had brought no terror to his doorstep.

He smiled, and nudged her back.

“You’ve still got it” he said, and darted off.

“Ah, so you DO want me to end you. Tell you what Rudy…in this situation, I can arrange all manner of methods I can satisfy your demand”

“Come and kill me” said Rudy.

Elated to be free of a moral dilemma that was best left to their adult days, Louise shot like a bullet towards Rudy as he darted around the other kids, who likewise took off, thinking Louise would eventually target them.

Louise had other plans, she knew Rudy would take her one step beyond her usual spots, he would let her pursue him across all other layers of the school he was accustomed to visiting, and she hoped that when he ran out of breath, they would be in a place so secure she would have the opportunity to once more breathe life into him as their lips came together once more.

For him, she was Alpha and Omega. The beginning, and the end.

And for her that end would only lead to the beginning.

Bob’s Burgers-The Living End

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BOB’S BURGERS

THE LIVING END

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS

(This contains spoilers for “Bob Actually”)


“Louise honey, did you finish your poem for school yet?” Linda asked her youngest daughter.

“Not yet Mom” Louise replied.

“Let me know when you have” Linda said.

Louise had struggled all week to come up with something for her school project, the challenge was to write a poem based on the themes of mortality, death and grief, and it had to come from the heart. Conveniently enough, there had been some inspiration for her recently.

“How’s the funeral coming along?” Louise asked of her mother.

“Oh you know how your father is with relatives of a friend, he’ll want to be the designated driver”

“Of the hearse I hope”

“Don’t be silly dear, his pals will all be encouraged to give their dearly departed a spiked salute, once that’s done they’ll be in no state to drive, so your father will be taking them all home”

“Ah he ought to give them all a hellfire ride downtown, put them all in a death-defying mood”

“Oh honey, breaking the law afterwards isn’t going to take anything off the mind of your father before he arrives there”

“Why not?”

“He thinks he’s obligated to give some sort of a speech…it’s funny because he really didn’t know too well, either that or too much time has passed and his memories of spending time with him have lapsed”

“A real trip down amnesia lane huh?”

“Yeah, it’s a shame, there’s so many things that you think you’ll treasure forever, but the passage of time really leaves you out of touch sometimes”

Louise resumed work on her poem. Eventually, she printed it out and showed it to her mother, who approved of it in the obligatory prideful manner that most moms would, and sent Louise off on her way to school.

As she walked down the street, she carefully read the poem aloud to herself

“Death is a stinkhold

I tell you no lies

Once it’s applied

You’ll do nothing but cry”

Louise thought long and hard about what brought her to convey such thoughts to paper, a frightful situation experienced by the brave soul that was her brother Gene, stepping in to take the feared move on behalf of his terrified sister at the hands of her nemesis Logan, one of few men she had ever shed a tear in front of.

A humiliating moment that had brought a disquiet to her feisty soul.

As she mulled over her poem, she suddenly bumped into someone walking up towards her. Just as she was about to fall backwards and hit the concrete, this person reached out and grabbed her by the arm, propelling her forward and preventing her from collapsing.

Louise stared up at her rescuer. Regular Sized Rudy, his face still bearing a red hot handprint, Louise’s handprint, from their fateful valentine’s day encounter.

“Hey slugger, thanks for keeping me off the concrete” she said

“You going to shake my hand with that one, or shatter my face with it this time?” Rudy asked, pointing to her hand that he had clasped in his own.

Louise smiled, and swiftly shook it.

“You got your poem ready for school?” he asked.

“Sure do, come on, let’s exchange” Louise suggested.

The two did so, Rudy reading Louise’s out first.

“That’s a killer” he said

“Well it fits the theme don’t it?” said Louise, swiftly turning her attention to Rudy’s poem

It’s a very different sort of dark

When we deal with the loss of light

The moments we reflect most fondly on

Are our courage in the fight

As time takes eternal steps ahead

And as we move as one with it

We pray our kindest days before

Provide us with due credit

We reflect, we rise, we raise a toast

As winter turns to spring

A little early to call on the sun

But these times demand we sing

We close our eyes, we let our day slip

We know this procedure all too well

What we take from it is a moment

Where we realize there’s still much more to tell

The stories, the legends, the place souls lost to us hold

Our minds, our hearts, our spirits soar

As love decays grief’s pure cold

Louise was taken aback. The poem was elegant, beautifully composed, and above all else, hopeful.

“Do you mind if I use your poem?”

“For class? Sure I guess, least I can do for that kiss you gave me” said Rudy.

“No, not for class, my Dad needs some A-material to read at a funeral”

“Sure, if you think it’ll bring some life to that kind of party”

Louise gave Rudy’s face a tender stroke with the hand she had used to slap him

“When it comes to planting a note of dignity on death little buddy, you’re what I’d call the living end”

The other side of Rudy’s face began to beam as red as his other side as another kiss graced his lips and the merciless hand of Louise thrust itself upon his features.

 

Bob’s Burgers-Enough Rope

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BOB’S BURGERS:

ENOUGH ROPE

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS


“I want a crack at that whip” Louise remarked as Tina continued to thrust her right arm in a forward motion towards one of the restraint tables, with her brother Gene continuously making whiplash noises.

Their parents, Bob and Linda, walked in, caught sight of what they were doing, and were left bamboozled.

“Tina honey, what are you doing?” Bob asked.

“Just putting in an imaginary shade of grey” Tina said.

Bob instantly understood the reference and became ever so slightly miffed, he turned to Linda.

“Lyn, I told you not to leave that book lying around” he pointed out.

A small breeze briefly touched the back of his neck. He turned around, only to find nothing there. He didn’t give the sensation any further thought

“I already grounded Louise for reading it” Linda said in her defence.

“Yeah, but you know how exotic Tina gets also” Bob replied.

“Oh yeah, the butts thing…there’s a lot of that in there. Silly me” said Linda, realising the error of her ways.

“I want a crack at the whip next” said Gene.

“No dice, I promised our client I’d keep him male” said Tina.

“What kind of girl doesn’t want to make a man out of me?” asked Gene.

“Tina, let your brother fantasise about a woman in that position” said Linda

“Don’t encourage this behaviour Lyn” Bob said.

“Oh where is my head today…I know where it is, it needs to be where the dishes are, come on Bob you can help out”

“Lyn, you’re avoiding the subject, you think they’re going to cut this out? It’s a project to them, they’re going to COMMIT”

“Just let them whip it out of their system, nobody’s getting hurt”

“My client is, and he enjoys it.” Tina replied.

“That’s nice dear; good customer feedback is what we like to hear in real life too”

“Is this real life, or is this fantasy?” Bob joked.

“Dishes Bob” said Linda.

As Bob took in the greasy plates left on the far right of the bar, he noticed a young puckish boy staring intently upwards outside.

“Rudy?” said Bob, and wandered towards the front door to see what was going on.

“Hey, Mr. Belcher” said Rudy.

“Rudy, why are you staring up at Louise’s window?” Bob asked

“I’m thinking of a way to climb up”

“Seriously, like in ‘Clarissa Explains it All?'” Bob asked.

“Bobby, the dishes” said Linda.

“In a minute Lyn” said Bob.

“What’s ‘Clarissa Explains It All?'” asked Rudy

“Don’t you watch late night Nick?” asked Bob.

“Louise is always telling me I’d never last past midnight” said Rudy.

“Why do you want to climb up to Louise’s window?”

“I heard she was grounded, we were supposed to play some games at my place, thought I’d come to her instead”

“Why not just invite yourself in? You’ve been in our home upstairs before”

“Mrs. Belcher didn’t want Louise to talk to anyone today. Could you maybe convince her?”

“She’s a little too busy at the moment son..besides, even if you wanted to see her, Louise’s window is closed”

“I know, I want to get her attention somehow so she’ll open the window”

“Then how will you get up?”

“She could hand me a rope or something” Rudy explained.

Bob chuckled.

“I really think you need to think this through Rudy, this sort of thing rarely works outside of the movies”

“You think I’ll be too big for the rope to sustain?”

“Well you said it” Bob replied.

“The whole thing’s not worth talking if that window just remains shut” Rudy replied.

Bob picked up a couple of small pebbles on the ground.

“Here, chuck one of these at it, this used to work for me all the time when I wanted to hang out with my friends” Bob replied.

Rudy tossed one as far as he could, but it barely reached the intended target, falling back down at the half-way mark.

“Put a little more energy into it Rudy, like this” Bob said, hurtling his own stone.

A thunderous thud and an alarmingly harsh crack could be heard.

“Oh swell move there buddy” came a voice from behind them. Bob and Rudy turned around, and were greeted by Louise, holding a bag of sweets in her hand.

“It was your Dad” Rudy said.

“Yeah, but you encouraged the madness”

“Louise, what are you doing out here? You’re grounded” said Bob.

“Yeah, I snuck out while Tina was putting on her shady show” Louise revealed.

Bob suddenly realised where the chill that pierced the back of his neck came from earlier. While he and Linda watched Tina’s imaginary sex show, Louise had managed to creep past them and quickly slip through the door. The weather was particularly breezy so it caused a draft.

“Tina got that idea from you didn’t she?”

“You and Mom were too busy today to nip out to the store to get us our Wednesday intake of sugary goodness, so I stepped in using my knowledge of the ‘grey area’ to give Tina and Gene something to do to hold your attention”

“Yeah, well I’m going to have to confiscate those and ground all three of you for pulling that stunt” said Bob

“Yeah, and if you do, I’ll tell Mom you broke my window” said Louise.

“Oh you play this game way too well” said Bob, deflated and defeated.

“Tina’s putting on something shady? A slim chance I could see it?” said Rudy.

“Not for your innocent eyes little buddy” said Louise, grabbing his hand and pouring some sweets into it.

“Thanks” he said.

“I heard the whole thing by the way…you wanted me to hand you a rope? You abuse yourself way too much as it is” she joked.

“Or maybe the ‘Tangled’ thing” Bob asked.

“Hey, I value my hair just the same as the hat on my head” said Louise.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to pull it so hard it’d tear off”

“Make me an instantaneous skinhead? Worth it” Louise replied.

“OK, OK, I’ll sneak you back in Louise, but you’re still paying a small price. Rudy, go home, you can see her at school tomorrow”

“Yes sir. Thanks for the sweets Louise”

“Thanks for being sweet enough to come ’round buddy” Louise replied, nudging him on the shoulder.

As he left, Bob instructed Louise to stick closely to his back as he walked back into the restaurant, where Tina was going into overdrive on her ‘client’

“Aw look Bobby, she’s trying to earn a bonus” said Linda, beaming proudly at the fictitious feat.

“I suppose she’s not really scarring anyone except herself with this” Bob replied.

“Crack that thing quick and hard girl” said Linda

“Yeah, crack it like a window” joked Bob.

“Give yourself enough rope Dad…” Louise whispered devilishly.