WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
Disclaimer: The Simpsons is trademarked by FOX
Bart stayed glued to the computer screen for a span of about ten minutes before disembarking from his seat, walking out of the bedroom, and towards the stairs.
He wondered if he should slide down the handrail of the staircase, but he didn’t feel like spending energy on something that seemed more fun to do about twenty-six years ago, when there weren’t any electronic pleasantries to keep you firmly glued to the seat you were often dying to escape from.
Bart planted himself on the floor. He spotted Santa’s Little Helper perched at the door, he whistled, attempting to summon the dog, but the animal felt compelled to stay where he was.
Bart grew more frustrated; nothing in front of him seemed capable of moving anywhere, not even himself.
He heard the toilet flush, and soon the door to the bathroom opened, out popped his little sister, Lisa.
“Hey Bart, you got the internet working again?”
“Yeah, not that it ever brightens my day”
“Did the mods catch and ban you again?”
“Got it in one sis. Got banned last night before the connection went dead. Thing is, it wasn’t the mods that caught me out this time, it was you-know-who”
“Him again huh? That professional comic writer known more for his online clickbait antics and overall salty reputation with the fans than the divisive opinions over his comic writing?”
“He ratted me out to the mods and I wasn’t even insulting him, just speculating on what he might do with the book he’s writing after the Keep It Ever So Slightly Confidential Wars comes to an end after the summer. I don’t know what it is about him that sets me off. We’ve known each other on and off of that forum for well over eight months, in each instance we try to come close to an understanding, he always perceives another criticism I make of how he writes the Radioactive Man comic as a personal jab at him. I remember when I was added to his friends list on a chat room, he told me that I was full of nothing but bile and that if I were a friend, I’d have his back. I’m not supposed to have my own opinions of his creative choices if they turn out to be in any way negative”
“Did it ever occur to you that sometimes there just can’t be two paths to travel down if you want to strike up a friendship with someone who believes so strongly in his creative prowess?” Lisa replied, “Talented people like that always take it personally when someone throws them some criticism, especially if it’s worded a little salty”
“That’s the thing, I’m no troll, I don’t post in all-caps, and I just rely on my history with the characters and point out moments when they’re off-point. I don’t go on tirades saying people who like his stuff are full of it. Each time I do this though, he has to have a full-blown cow about it, and then his acolytes chime in trying to pick at my bones”
“You didn’t escalate the drama did you?”
“I screen capped the argument I was having with him, the mods there always delete his posts to make sure he doesn’t come off looking bad. I shared them on that “co” forum, but they just mocked the pair of us and labelled the whole thing pathetic”
Lisa laughed, “Well, it kind of is rather petty Bart. How old is this guy?”
“40s I think” Bart answered
“And you’re not even close to your teens, but I know you Bart, sometimes you can display an awareness beyond your current years, this might just be one of those instances where you shouldn’t act the age you are now”
Bart hugged Lisa, “Thanks sis, hearing that makes me want to sort of go back there and reregister”
“How does that solve the situation?” Lisa asked
“Well, I’d be the mature guy standing up to the bully, as he then spent the rest of the last few hours accusing somebody else of being me and really needling him”
“Who is that?”
“I don’t know, some guy called Zero Cide”
Lisa’s face slowly contorted as she reached
“Bart, that’s Ralph‘s handle on that forum” she said, before getting up, cracking her knuckles and storming into Bart’s bedroom. “Wait here” she said, “I’ve got a few words to say to this paranoid peasant of a professional”
“Figured opening that particular can would prompt the bookworm to slither in on the action” said Bart, cackling smugly to himself, before causally whistling as he followed her into the room