Tag Archives: dangermouse

Danger Mouse-If There Was A Mountain To Move

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Ah the supermarket, where frantic shoppers go to restock the contents of their fridge back at home, and it is here we find the world’s busiest secret agent.

“Let me see…OJ, OJ, OJ…ah, Purple Stuff” said DM as he popped the large container at the front of the trolley besides the boxes of cereal and French loafs.

He reached the frozen foods aisle, and a pang of nostalgia shot through his heart as he stared at the range of Melted licensed offerings.

Bumpsidaisy Burgers

He reached out to grab the item; he stared at the imagery, thinking back to the obsessions his friends had with the franchise, and reflecting on what this particular character the food was branded on meant to him.

A time where he had given a girl a bedazzling waltz that enabled him to save the world.

Another hand swiftly attempted to grab the item from his hand, their fingers nimbly overlapping over one another as the struggle to attain control of the box began in earnest.

“Hands off you, I called first dibs”

“And I’ll just call you a dib” came a familiar voice.

DM peered down to find the person on the other end clutching the box was Dawn, the girl he had shared magic with under the Northern Lights.

Here they stood now, grasping the box, looking over it to catch the expressions conveyed in their three eyes, two for Dawn, one for Danger Mouse, both wondering if their experience in the chilling cold could stir up warm emotion within them both now.

Surely that experience couldn’t have been for nothing? DM thought.

He could sense there was something more to the timeless child that stood before him, he’d seen her at her most selfish as well as at her most vulnerable, but that day he danced with her, the day they put both of their bodies through a wondrous motion, was the first time he had seen her at her most submissive.

She had learned to let go, to seal the cracks she had admitted to have seen within herself, and reflected that attitude through the pristine reflection of a mind, heart and soul at peace.

Something changed in him that day too, he had waited forever to find something to stir the song within his own soul, after years of falling victim to nerves, and Dawn had brought that courage to the forefront.

It could not have been for nothing, he knew it, and she must have too.

DM sighed, handing her the box.

“Here” he said.

Dawn gave him a sour look and looked for the expiration date, thinking DM was only letting her have the burgers because they’d gone off.

DM tried to provoke some small talk, in the hope he could break through the icy demeanour of the child nemesis and get to know her a bit better in this form, fearing at the same time she could turn to her teenage form and use her powers for destructive ends, bringing the whole of the supermarket crashing down on the teeming shoppers that populated it.

He had to be careful about it.

“I see you’ve changed your mind about Melted” he said, referring to how she never wanted to watch the movie again after their dance.

“These are the only burgers I happen to like in this wretched city, the branding doesn’t mean anything”

“I see, so there’s nothing there then? Maybe a film doesn’t matter all that much as you get older, which would, in your case, only be handled within a matter of seconds”

“No, a movie doesn’t matter” said Dawn, surprising DM with a swift clasp of her one free hand, she pulled at his arm, forcing his face to meet her height, and she clasped one side of his cheek softly

“The experience does” she says, kissing him on the nose.

“You turned that on rather rapidly” DM said, blushing ever so slightly.

“You can’t hide what you mean from me Mouse, you wouldn’t be standing here trying to get me involved in mushy grown-up talk, you’d be alerting your silly side-kick and that plucky back ended Professor to what I was doing looking for a way to stop whatever it is I was doing”

DM gave her a smug glance, he found Dawn’s ability to grasp the obvious a strong compliment to her character, it certainly put her in a league of her own, far beyond his other rivals and enemies, even friends.

Whether or not she was a friend in this instance was another matter entirely.

“Where’s Snuggle?” said DM, knowing Dawn’s friend, protector and caretaker could not be far behind.

“At the arcade machine, a driving simulator, he’s keeping my seat warm” Dawn replied.

“How’s he doing? I’ve never known him to drive”

“Oh he’s not playing the game, he’s just pretending to until I get back with some change to put in the slot”

“Do you have any?”

“No, so if I can’t play before I leave, nobody else is, I’ll have Snuggles smash it to pieces before we go”

“But who’d pay for that?” said DM.

“They all pay eventually” Dawn replied, letting out a cruel giggle.

“I believe in this instance, you can’t hide what you mean to me either” said DM.

“So what do you intend to do about it?”

“Care to flip a coin?” said DM, producing five pence from one of his suit’s pockets.

Dawn gasped, and swiftly grabbed it.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you” she said, giving the mouse another gentle touch on the nose with her gentle lips.

“Good, now hand it over” said DM, his hand outstretched, waiting for her to deposit something in his hand.

“Hand what over?”

“You know what I mean” said DM.

Dawn winked and gave him the hamburgers.

“What did we learn today?” DM said.

“Money can be exchanged for goods and services” she said.

“Run along” said DM.

Dawn relieved Snuggles of his pretend play through, jumped into the simulator, inserted the coin into the slot machine, and set to work on having a good time.

“We heading home after this?” Snuggles said.

“Somehow, I feel like I already was home” Dawn said.

As he watched Dawn play, DM felt that if there had been a mountain to move in this moment, he had just pushed Everest.

Danger Mouse-Older

DANGER MOUSE:

OLDER

(Contains Spoilers for “Melted”)


“I’m never watching that film again” Dawn Crumhorn vowed as the Mark IV darted across the arctic tundra en route back to London. She was tied to the back of the flying machine and was finding the wild winds difficult to tolerate, especially as they were messing up her hair.

“Well, at least Melted gained one fan to replace the one it just lost” came a voice from the intercom.

Dawn frowned.

It was him.

Her co-star in her most recent misadventure.

“I’m not talking to you, you cut my adaptation to ribbons”

“Terribly sorry about that, it took me a little while to get into the part” Danger Mouse replied.

“I should have kept your dimwit sidekick in the role of Bumpsydaisy, he’d have stuck to the script” Dawn continued

“Penfold is many things, but a willing accomplice would never fit” DM replied, having faith that his sidekick would never be completely swayed.

“And what about your pitiful pal? I’d much rather spend the rest of this trip talking with a fan of the experience than some newcomer who only used a priceless moment as a means to an end”

“He’s taking a nap, I should know, I gave him a little something in his refreshment to send him to slumber land” DM revealed, adding a tenth pillow from the car’s compartments to the pillow fort that he’d been forming around Penfold to keep him asleep.

“You put him to sleep?” Dawn asked.

“Which means we can talk” DM continued.

“Talk?”

“That big number we shared was a means to an end, but I meant everything I said in that performance Dawn”

Dawn felt something shoot up her spine.

At first, she believed it to be a rush of blisteringly cold air from the sharp winds that coursed through the sky and all over her body, but this felt like an internal jolt associated with the feelings of anxiety and unnerving uncertainty.

Whatever he had just admitted to, she believed him.

“How could you have possibly meant it? What was it I said?” she asked, unsure of whether to hate herself for asking as she was seemingly giving in to the kind of conversation her captor was trying to have with her.

“The whole spiel you had about the world being as cracked as the people you meet, that touched me Dawn, it reminded me of my own shortcomings when I was trying for a career as a musician and singer early on in my youth. My voice, and even the people in my life at the time, were all cracked and distorted. Everything was held to an impossibly high standard. The worst examples of anthropomorphic kind judged me on my ability and rejected me. All I wanted was a chance to play in their pen”

“That’s exactly how we met, I wanted nothing more than to have someone play with me, to give me undivided attention and respect, even love” Dawn admitted.

“Look at the pair of us Dawn, we demand everyone lavish us with attention in order to stroke our egos. At the worst of times, we want to embrace love in its most selfish state, only thinking selflessly of others when we give in its highs or lows”

“Are you saying that, deep down, I wanted to stop the literal meltdown of the planet?”

“Deep down, you wanted to be the hero, you wanted the redemption story. That’s what Melted was Dawn, a tale of love finding a way to cleanse the light of the darkness that was enveloping it. You wanted me to be your glue to mend the crack in your world, and I in turn needed you to be the light, I needed you to help me to take charge of my voice, to command a worldwide stage and make us both the heroes of the story. We brought the light of Melted into a world that sorely needed it. Love held back the ocean, it turned the tide, and we stopped the flood”

Dawn absorbed what DM had said, and rattled back with something she needed to hear. She hated herself for asking in light of the strength in the marvellous mouse’s words, but she needed to hear this from his lips.

“When you were saying ‘I can’t, I can’t’ earlier, you weren’t suggesting you couldn’t bring yourself to sing, you were afraid to admit something about yourself to me, a side that could get you in trouble with your superiors. There was a hidden meaning to it, just as there was when I made my own intentions clear…when I demanded you play Bumpsydaisy. It wasn’t humiliation I wanted from you, I may have said that just to be cheeky, but it wasn’t what I wanted from you at all. It was the chance for you to reciprocate what I was already feeling”

Danger Mouse felt the unnerving cold shoot down his neck as the tension built, only for it to then steadily fade. He smiled.

Dawn understood.

“You’re right, you’re exactly right, I jumped at the part after I thought back to what Penfold had said about the character when he was telling me all about the musical. I feigned disinterest but it struck a chord with me, it got me thinking about how we first interacted, I couldn’t help myself, I even knew instinctively what your favourite game was on that day, it was hide and seek. That right there demonstrates synergy I haven’t had with almost anyone else”

Col. K’s hologram form suddenly formed before DM as he contacted the two.

“Ah congratulations DM, that performance was absolutely riveting. During your duet, Squawkencluck got so caught up in the moment she nearly jumped into my arms, completely forgetting I’m a hologram 50% of the time, she landed straight on her chest, the poor woman. What’s your E.T.A? We have a nice soft cell waiting for young Dawn that’ll serve her well, at least until her father bails her out with his vast wealth, resources and connections. See you when you get here”

DM smiled, though he was quite uneasy, and turned off the hologram. He wasn’t quite sure how to break it to the absent-minded Colonel that Dawn’s father had been exiled to deep space long ago. A good thing in this case.

“Is what you feel worse than a prison sentence?” Dawn asked.

“To some people it might very well be, but I believe what I feel is something that travels with me, not something that hinders me. It reminds me there is good to come in my twilight years when you’re all caught up and we can truly embrace what we have with confidence we won’t be judged”

“Why tell me now? I could very well say something”

“Dawn, you won’t tell. As you said, your intentions were clear. Right there, in your soul, and in your song, the understanding we share is tangible and real. These feelings will always stay with you regardless, and you won’t want to give that up”

“That’s probably why I’ll never watch the film again…it does nothing now but remind me of what we shared, and what we can never have for as long as age and our opposite experiences divide us”

“Youth is fleeting Dawn, it forever will be, if we can hold on to the hope time can heal those scars of yours, and provided our hearts aren’t pulled in other directions, then we can also hope to act on whatever impulses linger in the farthest future”

“Said with such conviction…but you’re right, we need to give each other time, when I grow up, when I allow myself to grow up, we’ll explore this further. I won’t tell, I’ll treasure our moment Mouse, but don’t think for a second it will go on to define where we stand as long as I’m still young. I’m still a spoiled, selfish little girl, and still every bit your worst nightmare”

“And I will be as determined to stop you for as long as you stay where you are…but know that, for that brief moment in time, when we shared the fate of the world in the palm of our hands, we were wiser, and you? You were older

Danger Mouse-Danger/Dawn: Everything I Need [Fanvid]

 

password: dangerdawn

DM is currently on hiatus, but there was room for this year’s Christmas special in the schedules this week, and it was a parody of “Frozen” called “Melted”. Pink Dawn, Penfold, Col. K and Squawk all love the movie (Squawk doesn’t even like films but enjoys Melted more for the experience) and DM doesn’t see the point of it. We later learn DM has a repressed childhood memory of being criticised for his singing.

Dawn decides to reenact the plot of the movie and assumes the role of Princess Zora, who has the power to melt things, she casts DM as the villain and begins melting the polar ice caps as part of her method acting. Only she can turn the device off, so DM has to appeal to her fanatical devotion to the film in order to save the day. He ultimately takes on the role of Zora’s manservant and crush Bumpseydaisy and manages to successfully pull off the big musical number at the end. Dawn is captured and realises the movie was more trouble than it’s worth and vows never to watch it again.

The Ship Teasing in this episode is off the chain, especially with DM and Dawn, which surprised me since there’s a lot of Jail Bait implications if it were more serious. Dawn ‘s spiel about her and DM being cracked gave DM empathy with her due to his own issues with singing and his whole world crashing down on him back then, he admits to understanding how she felt. Dawn is the one who suggests DM become Bumpseydaisy, her excuse is that it will be more humiliating for him, but one can’t help but wonder, given the info dump on this character Penfold was giving DM earlier in the episode with his “poseable action figures” (aka dolls), there was perhaps something more to it, and what it tells us about DM (again, probably nothing they can afford to delve into without attracting the Lolitta crowd)

There was some adult humour too, when Penfold tells Squawk not to touch his “honker” (in reality, a plush doll called Honker the Magic Walrus), Squawk is pretty cute throughout this episode, embracing more of a sentimental side to herself, her reaction to Penfold playing with his dolls is great, and DM’s singing even moves her to tears.

Next to the Halloween special and “A Fistful of Penfolds”, this is definitely my favourite of the lot we’ve gotten so far this season.

 

Danger Mouse-Squawk/Penfold: Higher Love [AMV]

If you’ve read any of my Danger Mouse fanfics on here or on FF.Net, you knew this was coming eventually…as soon as “A Fistful of Penfolds” aired I was on this.

password: penfold

There’s always something gratifying about your fanon theories being proven right…either the showrunners caught wind of my fics (something I’ve often suspected of certain other professionals in the industry) or someone’s very like-minded. Apparently there’s a mixture of different head writers on the current season of Danger Mouse (2015) so who knows what’s going on in their heads..I’m just glad this one idea finally popped into theirs.

So yeah, I got into a debate with a non-‘shipper over just how much of this told us about Squawk’s feelings for Penfold in the show…I mean, devoting a whole testing facility to a replacement sidekick for DM in Penfold’s image, using them as whipping boys…something about that smelt fishy to me (or smelt like a finely grilled hen), almost as if Squawk wanted to replace Penfold so she could have him all to herself.

And then of course, there’s the bit where she says “I could kiss you” to Penfold, with Penfold reciprocating and Squawk backing out at the last minute…if she only considered Penfold a friend, she would not have made the first move there and provoked him into that romantic gesture…and, hell, I guess this also means Penfold and Scarlet Johamster really did break up in their last episode together in the previous season.

So yeah, very happy camper, and hopefully it’s not the end of more direct Squawk/Penfold hints to come (“License to Care” showed Squawk throwing a party for her lab on the same day as Penfold’s birthday so obviously we ain’t done yet)

Danger Mouse-The Mouse Behind The Curtain (fanfic)

 

DANGER MOUSE:

THE MOUSE BEHIND THE CURTAIN

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS

(Contains spoilers for “Dark Side of the Mouse”)


Well, apologies are in order aren’t they DM?

“I’m glad you agree narrator” said DM as he and Penfold made their way back to headquarters, having saved the world from the grip of the cretinous Crumhorn and a mind-controlling device that made even myself turn against the world’s greatest secret agent and ridicule him, but he managed to overcome all obstacles after leading a team consisting of members of his reviled rogues gallery, whom he’s left up on Crumhorn’s space station dueling with one another over who should take the credit for the heroic deeds Danger Mouse has pulled off.

“All single-handidly I might add” said DM.

“Single handidly?” Penfold asked, slightly baffled, “But Chief, you had help, from them, from me”

“Now now Penfold, let’s not leave things to technicalities, they helped in part, but I’m the main cog in this wheel, and it’s me that’s kept everything spinning”

“Sometimes Chief, just by knowing what you’re like, I get the strangest feeling that when the Danger Agency ganged up on you after Crumhorn took over, they weren’t brainwashed” Penfold noted.

The Mark III flew back into headquarters and DM and Penfold made their way to the lab to rendevouz with Squawkencluck.

“Professor?” asked DM as Squawk threw darts at imagery of Crumhorn on the survelance monitors.

“The nerve of that Crum bum” she said

“I think you’ll find his name is Crumhorn Professor” corrected Danger Mouse.

“He even wanted me to call him Crummy” Squawkencluck said in a fit of emotional release, taking the container of darts and tossing them to the floor.

Penfold walked over to her and gave us a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

“Nevermind Professor”

“That’s precisely what I was Penfold, I was never in the right mind because of that device, and I turned against you and everything I worked hard to secure. To think the episode ended without any of us being recalled in the casting sheet to say sorry to you and Danger Mouse and to reward him for single handidly saving the Earth”

“You seem awfully complimentary Professor” said Danger Mouse.

“I just felt the sudden urge to” said Squawkencluck.

“Really now?” Penfold said, folding his arms and huffing.

Colonel K’s hologram lit up and he urged Danger Mouse to come to his office for a special reward. Penfold opted to stay with Squawkencluck.

“Go ahead Chief, the Professor’s in a real state, it’s best she lean on a friend’s shoulder”

Squawkencluck promptly accepted the invitation and buried her head atop the right shoulder, her frustrations over being emotionally compromised moisting the sleeves of his right arm. Penfold’s lip quivered and he too felt the urge to emote.

Danger Mouse, courageous and confident, steeled himself for his encounter with the Colnel.

“I have to admit, you really are being quite courteous to me today”

“Well you single handily saved the day Danger Mouse”

“I know, I feel like I ought to thank people for making that all possible, my enemies, my assistant, my writers, the CBBC staff who introduce my show every week..but I feel the sudden urge to bypass all of that. Anyway, time to get what’s coming to me”

He entered the Colnel’s office, the door slammed shut behind him, and greeting him was every Danger Agent armed to the gritted teeth with clubs and mallets.

“Colnel, are you still under Crumhorn’s mind control?” asked an alert DM.

“I think you’ll find this entire office is now immune to brainwave tampering DM…but it’s not so safe for you” the Colonel assured him.

A monitor in the office came to life and the Professor and Penfold, seated comfortably in their seats munching down on a bag of popcorn, greeted him.

“I’ve been tracking the readings of the mind altering device since it went offline, small vestiges of it are still active, and they’re responding to commands from you” Squawkencluck revealed.

“You used the psychic bran scrambler to get everyone to lavish praise on you. For some reason, I wasn’t affected, but the narrator and Squawk were…luckily, Squawk realized what was going on and alerted the Colonel just before you arrived” said Penfold.

“All this time we thought you were the great and powerful…we never took into consideration that we were puppets on a string, made to the dance to the merry tune of the mouse behind the curtain” said the Colonel.

“You’ll get your thanks for saving the world in due course Danger Mouse, but we do need to teach you that fine lesson, that you must leave your ego at the door” said Danger Moth with a hint of dread and empathy in her voice.

“But, but I did’nt do anything, I felt the urge as much as you did to take all the credit for myself…I had nothing to do with it”

“Then who did?” asked Danger Moth.

“Someone who clearly wants my fame to be my misfortune…and there’s only one person I can think of who’s obsesed with fame. Duckula”

DM led the Danger Agents out of Mayfare and, pitchforks and rotten tomatoes in hand (the critics of Rotten Tomatoes, not actual rotten tomatoes), they stormed Castle Duckula in Transylevania.

Witnessing the Danger Agency arriving at his doorstep, Count Duckula severed the connection he had with the mind control device, swung his throne around and leapt out of it, heading to a secret passage. He instructed someone in a scarlet coat to see their way out.

“Go, your neck’s on the line here, and not from a dose of my feindish fangs, if they catch you here, your reputation’s sunk like the Titanic…sorry I could’nt give DM the razzie he deserved for embarrasing you”

The cloaked figure held the Count’s hand and gave him a tender kiss on the cheek, before vanishing through the door and down the long corridor.

As the Danger Agents crashed through the door with a battering ram, the cloacked figure made it outside just as a raging commotion commenced in the castle. The figure pulled the hood back, revealing the sollem features of Jeoparday Mouse, watching the castle eagerly ..before common sense dictated that she get a move on.

All she wanted was to gain revenge on Danger Mouse for editing her portion of reality in a previous episode, framing her for embarrassing her superior officer. Duckula already had an existing soft spot for her, she felt he would make the appropriate ally.

She walked from the scene with many thoughts playing through her head, how she had refused to keep her own ego in check in an attempt to make DM’s occasional ego trips his undoing, how she sided with a known felon because he would rather place his life in hers.

She knew she had made many compromises, played with many lives, and she resolved that in future missions she would never make such mistakes again, least it poisoned her soul.

She vowed there would be no further lives put at risk of ruin within her own.

So we end this session of Danger Mouse back in the lab, with the Professor and Penfold watching the scuffle in the castle, taking handfuls of popcorn out of the bag, settling in and admiring the spectacle of a comfort fight with comfort foods.

Can I have one?

“No narrator” said Squawk

But I suddenly have an urge to eat

“Oh for heaven’s sake, has that device not been switched off yet?” said an annoyed Squawkencluck.

Curse you Jeopardy.

“Why are you cursing her? She wasn’t even in this episode” said Penfold.

Oh if only you knew the mouse behind the curtain Penfold.

Danger Mouse-I’m Sad I Crashed The Wedding (fanfic)

DANGER MOUSE:

I’M SAD I CRASHED THE WEDDING

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS

Well, this a fine mess you’ve gotten us into DM.

“Can you get a clear signal back Narrator?”

It’s going to take a lot of juice in the unit, but I think we can manage an episode this week…no thanks to you.

“Relax Narrator, all I did was abort one time line. The anomalies from every aspect of the aborted dimension will ultimately merge as one to cope with the existing paradox”?”

If realiy can manage that before our scheduled transmission this evening DM, it would be appreciated DM.

“Right, well Penfold, any ideas on how to speed up the process ?”

“I’ve had time to think a bit cheif…I’ve got so many questions” said Penfold.

“That’s all well and good Penfold, but we need answers”

“But these are important to our futures, that is, if we still have any”

“Oh I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time” DM assured him

“And what time do you call this?” Penfold said in a huff.

“The end times?” DM replied.

“Exactly. It’s the end. Nothing but static and a white void…and all because you had to open your big mouth and inform reality what a muddle we’d gotten the timeline mixed up in..we live in a very sensetive universe Cheif. I hope you know that, you never know what kind of mood it’ll be in. I’m certain even it was enjoying Derick and Pennyfold’s wedding”

“Is that what your questions Penfold, some curiosity over whether or not the universe has some existential emotional compromise?”

“We watch soap operas for a reason, we’re invested in stories for a reason…it just makes sense for the universe, our motherly spirit, to be just as invested in how we move along” Penfold argued.

“So why would the universe even give me the freedom to express a bit of logic that would undo it’s investment?” a confused DM asked.

“Maybe it wanted to test your character…to see if you could keep that ego and insistence on having a correct hunch in check long enough for someone to live happily ever after”

“Surely that would be the universe giving itself permission to live a perfect lie then…I can’t see how the truth should hurt it so much” DM continued.

“Think of it like a computer with a virus, only the virus is the question, the same one that causes so many of us to go, on a bad day, ‘what’s the point?’, and constantly dwelling on that question leads to no easy answer…so we crash…and in this case, we’re lucky it didn’t result in the heat death of the universe” Penfold replied.

“Well, now I feel deflated…I guess the universe probably wants me to write it a frank and formal letter of apology before it resets”

“Will you even remember giving it the letter Cheif?” Penfold asked.

“I suppose a small part of me would…but that would probably only linger for a short time. Our will, though strong, can’t defy time”

Penfold felt a tingling sensation.

“I think reality’s starting to reallign, I can see everything forming around us”

“Well then, any further questions?” DM asked.

“Just one more, if Derick’s wedding did’nt happen now, will he and Pennyfold ever meet? Will they even be born?” Penfold asked.

“That’s a whole world and time apart from us Penfold, the important thing is, we just have to hope the universe is willing to give the grand soap opera called life another chance to thrive…nothing’s worse than a rerun”

Reassured, the pair allowed reality to realign, just in time for another mind-bending adventure on the edge of existence with Danger Mouse!

 

Danger Mouse-Repeat Offenders (fanfic)

 

DANGER MOUSE:

REPEAT OFFENDERS

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS


Duckula sat in his cell wondering if any of the prison officers would bother fetching him his clothes to wear. He’d been in nothing but his pajamas for hours.

The door to his cell opened and, it appeared, salvation had come at last, as his cape was thrown at ludicrous speed towads him, smacking him in the face and settling on his beak.

Still heavily tied up, Duckula could’nt reach up to his features and pull the cape off, he was forced to let whoever was coming into the cell commence with the deed.

Soon, that too came to pass and the cape was removed from the tip of his beak by his visitor…and what a sight it was to see.

Jeoparday Mouse.

“You look dangerous gorgeous” said Duckula as he beamed at the sight of her.

“All I want is answers to a question or two Duck, just routine…although routine is not how I’d describe the last few hours I’ve had”

“I’m all ears…well, and fangs” said Duckula.

“One minute, I’m being awarded the medal for best Danger Agent in the whoe world, the next I’m smacking my superioer officer on the bottom with a tennis racket. I don’t even remember how it got there. All I know is the incident embarrased me and I wound up detained for hours, I almost lost my posistion until word came back from the reports filed by Danger Mouse’s plump pal that I’d endured some last minute rewrite of reality”

“So your thoughts, as always, turned to me did they?” said Duckula.

“I know you’re rewritten scripts on this show before Duck, so I want to know exactly what you were up to at Big Ben, and who put you up to tampering with my matters in the morning?” Jeopardy asked.

“Now, now Jeoparday, I would’nt have dreamed of messing with your moment. That was all Danger Mouse’s idea. According to Penfold, I was getting ready to mess with reality using my new temporal editing software, and I had framed him for a string of felonies which brought you out into the field to arrest him. You and the Danger Agency beat him fairly soundly and led him away to jail, making you the hero”

“You edited reality just to make me look good?” said Jeoparday, trying to disguise how flattered she actually was.

“Not just you, but also open up a slot for me to take DM’s place as Danger Duck, the world’s most star-struck secret agent. Just imagine what you and I could have acheived together with Danger Mouse out of the picture and you and I crossing over each and every week…why I’d even have understood your need for company at Thanksgiving earlier in the week”

“Yeah, well if Danger Mouse was meddling with me this morning, I know just who I won’t be inviting over in the future. Some friend he turned out to be. He’s proven to be a timely jerk”

“Well, the biggest thing you bruised other than his body was his ego…sometimes that’s hard to shake” said Duckula.

“So, I really whipped Danger Mouse into shape did I?” said Jeoparday.

“Is that a routine question, or one that’s seeking a complimentary answer?” said Duckula.

“I could do with some soothing after my ego’s own bruising” said Jeoparday.

“Well if anything, take comfort in the fact that there’s a version of reality on the cutting room floor which proves how vastly suprior you are to Danger Mouse when you’re forced to step up and kick tail”

“It’s funny, but I don’t think DM even has a tail” said Jeoparday, making sure to attach Duckula’s cape to his back as a way of thanking him for supplying the information.

“Any chance you could get the rest of my clothes sent to me?” he asked.

“I’ll arrange it” Jeopardy promised.

“It’s a real pity Penfold had to ruin what fun I could have had with that device” lamented Duckula . Imagine if I could edit the entire CBBC morning schedule? Maybe I could even place your big defining moment that DM deleted on their upcoming weekend show and place it on loop”

“I think we’ve had enough repeat offenders for one day” joked Jeopardy, blowing a kiss to Duckula and waltzing out of the room.