Tag Archives: FANFICTION

The Simpsons-Extract From Another Series [Fanfic]

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EXTRACT FROM ANOTHER SERIES


“Hi, I’m Troy McClure, you may remember me from such tv movies as “To Have and to Hold My Beer”, and “Where There’s A Wi-Fi, There’s No Will”. Today I have a very special treat for you, a recently rediscovered deleted scene from the pilot episode of Chief Wiggum: P.I, that long-running series starring Springfield’s very own Chief Clancy Wiggum and Seymour Skinner. The scene covers a great deal, and there’s even more to expect from everyone’s favorite family The Simpsons as they drop in to wish both of their old friends luck. Let’s drop in on them now…”

“Well family, we’re here, and just in time for Mardegras” said Homer as the family car came to a halt.

“I wasn’t aware you knew what day Madegras festivities fell on” said Bart.

“I still don’t, it just happens to be going on as I parked the car” said Homer.

“Homer, you’ve parked right in the middle of the whole thing” observed Marge as they stepped out into the street.

“Now, we’ve got two options…one is we join in on all the activity, largely to avoid being caught for disrupting the thing, or we could go and visit our old friend Clancy Wiggum”

“Dad, you’re not friends with him, he’s arrested you more than a couple of times and his son stalked Lisa” remarked Bart.

Lisa savagely elbowed Bart in the shoulder for his trouble.

“What’s up with you?” said Bart.

“Leave Ralph alone, he was confused at the time, besides he did a lot of nice things for me in those days” said Lisa, trying to conceal how hurt she was.

Bart quickly caught on to why she was acting funny.

“I knew there was a reason we came here, it’s because you want to check up on him isn’t it? You never got a chance to say goodbye to him when he left Springfield” Bart realized.

“Mom, tell him to keep his inquiring mind at bay” Lisa pleaded.

“Look dear, Lisa has been thinking about Ralph a great deal, I remember I pushed my sisters to take me to the east coast just so I could hand an old friend of mine, Patricia Phelps back her jump-rope after it spent a good seven years in my care”

“Hey, I was the one who had to retrieve that, my car broke down and your sisters volunteered to drive me the rest of the way, then they left me there. You had to pick me up, how can you not remember that?” Homer replied.

Marge hummed to herself.

“Sometimes to make one feel good about yourself with a cherished memory, it’s necessary to invent one”

“I just worry about how Ralph is keeping up” Lisa explained, “First his dad gets fired for mass corruption, then his parents divorce. He’s such an innocent, delicate soul, you can break his heart pretty easily”

“You speak from experience” Bart said.

“Mom” Lisa yelled.

“Don’t tease your love-struck sister dear” said Marge.

“Mom” Lisa aggressively whispered.

“Oh, right, should have left that part out” said Marge.

“It’s more guesswork than actual fact” said Lisa.

“Yes, but the way you told me to keep quiet indicates otherwise” replied Marge.

“Let’s just try to focus on the important things shall we?” insisted Lisa.

“Yeah, like finding out just what kind of depths even our ex Principal Skinner is sinking to around here. I heard he moved here along with Wiggum” said Bart, rubbing his hands together with a mischievous energy.

“That whole Tamzarian business really did bring his whole world crashing down, he’s got just the right kind of backstory needed to fit in to a shadier world like this” Marge observed.

“All the more reason to give him one last phase of torture” Bart revealed.

“I think I spot Wiggum, let’s dress up and sneak up on him” said Homer, lifting a Mardegras outfit off of a citizen and placing it on Bart.

Lisa took a look around, she was certain she had spotted someone she had been longing to look at again, she was sure she had spotted Ralph in the crowd riding the shoulders of an altogether different person.

And he looked happy.

Lisa breathed a sign of loving relief at that.

“Well folks, while Lisa remains oblivious to the fact Ralph was spending time with his kidnapper, what can I say to something that touching other than maybe ”Too bad you can’t get to touch it..for now”, that deleted scene can’t be found on the upcoming official DVDs unfortunately, but they can be found as a hidden Easter Egg. A literal one. Try to find them scattered around your local parks. Until then, I’m Troy McClure, you can expect me in some upcoming projects as ‘Three Days of the Doctor” and “Where’s Your Hummer Gone?”. Thanks for watching”

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Amazing Spider-Man-Moments of Need [Fanfiction]

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THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN:

MOMENTS OF NEED

(Contains spoilers for Amazing Spider-Man#1 by Nick Spencer and Ryan Ottley)


When a weary and troubled Peter Parker dropped by Mary Jane Watson’s apartment, It was one of those moments in time where everything paused, and all that was laid out before them was their eternity together.

Thier eternity as friends, as lovers, as partners.

Reality had meddled in those moments, diminished them, stripped them of the belief those moments could be eternal, and they had been more than content to invite this cruel paradigm in.

But recent days, recent events, had drawn them closer to their eternal connection once more.

As Peter bore his soul to her, as he had done so many times, and was as unsure and as frightened as he’d ever been when sharing his failings and insecurities, Mary Jane had thought it motivated by the recent death of Flash Thompson, sacrificing his life to halt the rampage of the vindictive and calculating Norman Osborn.

She thought it’d even had something to do with how willing she’d been to stand side by side with him and Venom against Osborn.

Perhaps these moments in their endless waltz together had touched him as much as it’d touched her, causing her to reflect on what she had come to reject in the past, perhaps realizing that it was, again, just another instance in eternity of all too fleeting hesitation.

Peter continued, telling her that he was uncertain of whether or not he was making a mistake, apologizing for asking this much of her.

But Mary Jane didn’t care much for the insecure moments, she focused on the one precise moment that counted.

The moment of need.

It was Peter conveying his need for her in his life, to help him survive the unsustainable moments, that convinced her, at this precise time, to embrace Peter with a warm embrace and a gentle reaffirming kiss.

He had told her he was in need of her once before, back when they were trapped in an airport under siege, and some anguished part of her had always told her Peter had salvaged something back then, something she felt was just out of her soul’s reach, but one she felt compelled to grasp through this latest re-connection.

If there was something that had been lost, it would be found again…perhaps even born again.

All it took to draw her back into Peter’s world were those precise moments of need.

“We’re in this together Pete…and we always have been” she said to him, as their endless waltz resumed again.

Pokemon-Gotta Catch Ya Now! [Fanfiction]

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GOTTA CATCH YA NOW!

BASED ON “GOTTA CATCH YA LATER!”


With the Johto League Super Conference behind them, Ash and his friends decide to take a well-earned rest in Viridian City before they began the short journey back to Ash’s home of Pallet Town.

As they stood atop a small hill on the road leading into Viridian City, the three friends took in the lush woodland around them. The mixture of scented flowers and brisk air awoke strong nostalgic memories in Ash, memories of family, and of one day in particular.

So strong was the memory that Ash could hear the voices of the past echo all around him

You be good to your Mom”

Can I step into the wild you Dad?”

Come and catch me”

“Ash? Is something the matter?” asked a concerned Misty

Ash, on the defensive, looked her in the eye and let out a hefty laugh.

“Never better Misty”

Ash’s faithful Pikachu had taken to the green around the travelers, searching for some wild Pokemon to chase about or to even battle so his partner could catch a few. It loved a challenge, and despite being exhausted from his Johto experience, was eager to keep his battle prowess in tip top condition.

But there was to be no playtime of this caliber to come, as Ash beckoned Pikachu to get a move on as they made their way through the forests.

“Hold up a second Ash, Misty’s shoelaces have come loose” said Brock.

Ash, however, was drifting in and out again, the nostalgic pull of the voices in his head compelling him to think back to simpler times.

“Don’t you leave me behind Ash Ketchum” snapped Misty as she tied her shoelaces together.

For some reason, it was this that caused Ash to snap back out of his trance-like state.

“What? Oh, yeah, sure Misty, I promise” he said dismissively as Misty caught up with them.

“Our first port of call ought to be the Pokemon Center” said Brock enthusiastically.

Ash and Misty gave each other knowing looks, they knew what he really wanted.

“Keen to try your luck with Nurse Joy again I see” Ash remarked.

“We see Joy in virtually every town” Misty added.

“See, yet never handle. That’s due to change” said Brock, oozing confidence.

Heading into the city, the Pokemon Center was indeed the first port of call for the young trio, and Nurse Joy was of course there to greet them.

Ash handed in his pokeballs, each containing a well worn-out Pokemon still recuperating from their exhausting battles.

“I couldn’t help but notice you’re carrying one too many balls, mind if I help lighten your load?” Brock asked, trying his best to conceal his flirtatious intentions by earning his way into Joy’s good graces.

Joy, however, was having none of it.

“I’m afraid the ball is out of your court” said Joy, and gripped one Pokeball she couldn’t carry by hand in her teeth, carrying all of them over to the resuscitator.

Brock sighed. Misty patted him on the shoulder.

“Nevermind Brock, you’ll get the balls rolling some day” Misty.

A distraught Brock looked Ash’s loyal Pikachu dead in the eyes, Pikachu gave Brock a thumbs up and a wink.

Having replenished the Pokemon and returned them to their owners, Nurse Joy took some time out to examine the trio that had ventured into her place of work, she was trying to place their faces, as she was sure she’d seen them before.

Eager to prove her hunch was correct, Joy browsed the center’s vast computer database and looked up a list of trainers who had been present at the center some months prior. She soon struck paydirt as Misty’s profile and information, including her known relatives, was soon displayed on the screen.

Confident she had found her woman, Nurse Joy returned to the center’s waiting room.

“Excuse me Ma’am, you are related to the Gym leaders of Cerulean City aren’t you?” Joy asked her.

“Yes, what of it?” Misty replied, curious as to what was up.

“A few days ago, your sisters dropped by Viridian City and requested we pass along a message to someone fitting your description. They have been summoned to a private beauty pageant in an undisclosed region and may be gone for some time, they have entrusted the running of their gym to you”

Misty let out a faint gasp and frustration built up inside of her, she swiftly let Nurse Joy know how she felt

“How could they do this to me? What about all my free time? I’ve got a life too you know, there are people I want to spend more time with, this will cut into everything” she said

“I’m very sorry, I wish I could do something” said Joy.

Misty calmed herself, and turned to her friends for support.

“Guys, I really don’t know what to say” she said.

Brock seemed pleased at the news, “Trust me, when the Pewter Gym was entrusted to me, I felt like a huge weight had been placed on my shoulders, but boy did I learn to lift”

Misty wasn’t buying how sincere he was.

“Brock, you haven’t been near your gym in ages, you left it behind to be with us, then you shacked up with she-who-must-not-be-named, then came crawling back to Pallet Town when that went belly up . Don’t lecture me about the responsibilities of the world when you’re still refusing to take any on board”

Brock looked at her with a sheepish expression, he had been firmly put in his place.

Misty turned to Ash, a slight lump in her throat as an unsettling and unnerving calm took hold of her

“Ash, say something” she said.

Ash produced a smirk and gave her a wink.

“You’ll do great Misty” he said, “Besides, it’s only until they come back right?” he said.

“Did’nt you hear what Joy said? We don’t know how long this pageant will take…and it doesn’t help that I can read my sisters like a book, they’ve been on these kind of extended vacations before, but that was when I was little. Now I’m at the right age, they see fit to just get on their bikes and dash off to wherever and leave me with their workload” Misty continued.

“Oh, speaking of bikes, I have another surprise for you” said Joy, heading outside towards the center’s garage and beckoning the trio to join her.

Joy soon emerged from the garage with a very special gift.

Ash’s eyes lit up, while Misty’s eyes teared up.

“It’s your old bike, the one I ‘borrowed’ to help get Pikachu to this center for emergency medical treatment when he got injured protecting me. I remember how mad you were, guess you don’t need to follow me around much anymore do you?” Ash joked.

Misty, however, didn’t see the funny side, to her this was all coming full circle too fast.

“How can you be so calm about this?” she said, “We’re being pulled apart and you seem to think it’s like every other day”

Misty’s words were falling deaf on Ash, as he was recalling, once again, an altogether different day, and altogether different voices.

The voices were known to him, as echoes of the past tended to be. He could see in his mind’s eye, himself at a younger age standing outside his house, his mother behind him and his father in front, a heavy bag slouched over his shoulders, and slowly walking away from the pair

Can I come into the wild with you Dad?” said the young Ketchum

His father turned and smiled.

“You know how I get to keep all of my wild Pokemon don’t you son?” he said.

“You catch them” said Ash.

Think of where I am now as something you admire from a distance, but when you’re old enough to understand, when you’re ready to step into the wild, come and catch me” he said.

Ash wanted to ask him one last question, one he felt he ought to ask someone now.

But first he had to settle for the questions that lay in wait for him in the here and now

“Ash Ketchum, are you even listening to me?” Misty snapped angrily.

“I’m sorry Misty, my mind’s been elsewhere” said Ash apologetically.

“Maybe it’s me that needs to be elsewhere” Misty said, and dashed off towards the mountains.

“Misty, wait” said Ash, but Misty was too emotionally distraught to pay attention, she needed some space.

“Ash, go talk to her” Brock said.

Ash kept himself closed off.

“Will you guys excuse me? I have to make a call” Ash replied

“Of course” said Nurse Joy.

As Ash headed inside the center, Brock was left with a feeling of unease, feeling as if nothing had truly prepared him for these emotional winds of change.

“Neither of them are taking this well, Ash is so distant” Brock said to Joy

“You three have been together a long time haven’t you?” said Joy.

“We’ve led quite a roller coaster life, but we haven’t had to deal with the kind of adventure the real world tends to bring” lamented a saddened Brock.

Back at the center, Ash contacted his mother Delia via video phone

“Hi Mom” he said.

“When are you due back in Pallet Town sweetie?” Delia replied.

Ash cleared his throat, he let his mind wander backwards into the past one last time, hearing the voices of his father and his child self resonate, taking that final exchange they had not as something to cherish, but as something to heed.

Still apprehensive, Ash responded as firmly as he could.

“That’s just the thing Mom, I might not be back for a while” Ash said

“Any particular reason?”

“Mom, do you remember when I set off on my journey to be a Pokemon master?” Ash said.

“Proudest day of my life. You’ve grown into a great trainer. Your advancements in the Johto league were all the neighbors could watch on tv and talk about the next day. Every step you take further and further into the world beyond Pallet Town takes you that further to filling in the shoes of your dad. I know he’s as proud of you as I am”

“How is dad?” Ash asked.

“He hasn’t come home yet, but when he does we’ll celebrate how far you’ve come” she assured her son.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about him lately. I bet you have too” Ash said.

“Every day” she replied.

The tone of the conversation turned less jubilant between mother and son as Ash posed a question

“Does it get harder?” he asked.

Delia fell silent, if only briefly, her smile diminished, she briefly closed her eyes and held her hands close to her chest.

Ash felt a pang of guilt, but felt compelled to continue. Something was eating away at him, a choice memory that had been persisting since they arrived in Viridian City.

His mother’s voice soothed his inner sense of uncertainty as she finally responded.

“Whenever he or you are far from home, I reach down into my memories and I pick out all of the moments we spend together, and I bring them to the surface. Nothing that brings me such joy could ever equal a burden, don’t ever think of yourself or your father as something that could bring any day difficulty. What you leave behind, the promises you make for tomorrow, are what see me through today”

Ash let these words from the heart ease himself back into the memory of one such promise. One he’d dismissed earlier

“Don’t you leave me behind Ash Ketchum”

“I promise”

The promise he’d made then took his thoughts back further to another conversation, in another lifetime.

Catch me later” said his father.

Why not now?” asked the young Ketchum

Ash stepped out of the projected memories, past and present, with renewed conviction, and at peace.

“Is there anything troubling you dear?” Delia asked of her son. Ash shook his head and gently wiped away a small selection of minute tears.

“Nothing Mom. It’s nothing…and everything. I’ll call you again as soon as I can” Ash said.

“I love you sweetheart, catch you later” she said.

Ash smiled.

She always would keep his Dad close to her.

Ash came out of the center and found Nurse Joy, he examined the bike.

“You guys did a real swell job” he said.

Nurse Joy beamed with an approving smile. Ash turned back to look at her.

“…But it could do with a slight modification”

A few hours later, Misty had calmed down and had returned from her trek through the mountains, and had caught some water type Pokemon deep in the cavern rock pools. She saw Ash and Brock awaiting her with the bike.

Resigned to her fate, Misty took a deep breath and walked over to them.

“Guys, Ash, I wanted to say sorry for…” she began, but quickly cut herself off as she examined the bike, noticing a significant change had been made to it.

“Ash, my bike, why does it have an extra seat?” she asked.

Ash walked over to the bike and stroked the second seat gently with his right hand.

“I thought we could ride back into Cerulean City, you and me, together”

“I’m flattered Ash, but don’t you need to head back home?” Misty replied.

“I am” he said.

“Ash, what are you saying?”

Ash gripped Misty’s hands tightly with his own. Misty felt a flutter in her chest as her heart beat faster.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about my dad, about a question I asked him when I was younger, he never answered it, he took off into the wild and I’ve been trying to catch him ever since. My whole journey has been trying to grasp something always just out of reach, I can’t let this happen again to someone I also admire, someone I care about”

Misty blushed, she held back fresh tears.

“We’d see each other again” Misty assured him, reminding him of what he’d said earlier “, It’s only until my sisters come home, I can tolerate a few million days and nights by myself once I put my mind to it”

“Then we’ll wait for them together, sometimes it’s better to have someone keeping you company” Ash argued.

“Your ship needs a captain” Brock remarked, reminding him of something he said the last time he parted company with them.

“How about you Brock? We could always use an extra hand” Misty said.

“Nah, you were right, I need to get back to Pewter City and run the gym, maybe I could work out a bit, put some muscle on so I’m as chisled as my Onyx” Brock joked.

Ash and Misty mounted the bike, Misty’s Togepi was deposited in the basket attached to the front, while Pikachu climbed aboard Ash’s head.

The pair waved goodbye to Brock and proceeded to head in the direction of Cerulean City, leaving Brock behind to start his own journey back.

But first, he’d try his hand once more at flirting with Joy.

“Are you sure Brock can take care of himself on the way back?” Ash asked Misty.

“Oh knowing him, he’ll get a lift from Officer Jenny once she comes over to arrest him for harrasing Joy at her workplace” joked Misty.

Ash clung to Misty’s back tightly, Pikachu spotted something up in the sky and prodded Ashe’s head, prompting him to stare upwards too.

Misty brought the bike to a standstill so she and Togepi could stare upwards at the mesmerizing sight also.

High above, a magnificent bird flew over them, a Ho-Oh, native to the Johto region.

“It’s beautiful” said Misty.

“It must be heading home” Ash said.

“Just like us right?” said Misty.

“I guess” said Ash.

Misty smiled, she could tell what Ash was thinking,

“You want to try your luck catching something like that?” she asked.

A part of Ash would have jumped at the opportunity, but he opted to stick by his current decision.

“I meant what I said, it’s better I leave things to the wild and catch what you have in front of you for now” Ash revealed.

As the pair resumed their journey, it came to an abrupt halt as the bike fell into a connivningly camoflaughed pit.

Thrown from the bike, Ash struggled to get his bearings and almost slipped into unconsciousness. Only Pikachu and Togepie’s cries kept him active and alert. He scrambled to Misty’s location.

Ash noticed the fall had left Misty with a bruised leg and some minor cut. He shook her gently, trying to bring her around.

“Come on Misty, wake up” Ash replied.

Much to Ash’s relief, Misty came around.

“Anybody ever tell you you badly need a bath?” she said, noticing the specks of grime on Ash’s face.

Ash gripped her hand tightly and brought her to her feet. Pikachu and Togepi high-fived one another once it was clear Misty was simply shaken.

“What just happened?” Misty said, observing the deep crater they were in.

“Someone’s cruel idea of a prank, this could have been worse for others, what if some kids were playing nearby?” Ash responded.

“Unfortunately for you, playtime is over” uttered a snark voice from above them.

Ash and Misty found themselves face to face with three individuals towering over them.

“Who are you guys?” Ash asked.

“Prepare for trouble” said Kai.

“Team Rocket?” Misty asked.

“Not quite, we’re the Triple K, Kim, Kail and Kai, the best trappers and trainers in all of Viridian City, and we’ve been tasked by Team Rocket with acquiring that Pikachu, hand him over” said Kail.

Misty stepped forward, shielding Pikachu.

“Oh look, she wants to be a hero” observed Kim.

“Get behind me Ash” Misty said.

“Misty, come on, it’s my Pikachu they want, let me in on this action” Ash replied.

“I can handle this myself Ash” said Misty.

“I promised you we’d be all in this together from now on, not one soul’s an island woman” argued Ash

“Hey, are you having a quarrel down there?” said Kail.

Ash and Misty looked at each other, their faces red with embarrassment.

“I guess Team Rocket’s descriptions of these two were accurate, they are lovebirds” Kim said.

“Enough stalling. Kai, send in your Hitmochan” ordered Kail.

Kai did as instructed and sent Hitmochan into the pit.

“I’m sorry Ash, I guess with you willing to live under my roof, I got a little overprotective” Misty remarked as the Hitmonchan came closer.

“Real world responsibilities, don’t let them shake you, let me share them” said Ash.

Misty nodded.

“Ready Pikachu?” said Ash. Pikachu nodded while Togepi retreated to the remains of the bike and hid.

Ash give Misty a confident and sharp look.

“Ok tigress..pounce” he said.

“Go Politoed” Misty commanded as she set one of her own Pokemon loose.

“Use water gun” Misty instructed. Politoed obeyed and let out a gush of high pressure water at the physically intimidating Hitmonchan. It proved super effective, knocking him out instantly.

The triple K sent in two more Pokemon, Hitmonlee and Hitmontop, which surrounded Politoed.

“Pikachu, thunderbolt attack now” instructed Ash.

Pikachu’s delivery of the bolt was swift and devastating to Hitmonstop, stunning him. Politoed used the bubbles attack on Hitmonchan, while Pikachu delivered another ferocious thunderbolt to Hitmontop and Rapid Spin on Hitmonlee. It wasn’t long before the team of Pallet and Cerulean’s finest had mopped the floor with the forces of the Triple K.

Ash and Misty clambered out of the pit and approached the trio, who all backed away slowly

“Hey, nothing personal you know, simply business” Kim said.

“If this was buisness, consider this pleasure” said Ash, and instructed Pikachu to again use thunderbolt, Misty joined in with Politoed and water gun.

“I guess these stories about blasting off are also true” the trio all screamed in unison as they were captaulted into the air and vanished into the distance.

“Well, guess Team Rocket won’t be paying top dollar for those cheapskates services anytime soon” remarked Ash.

“Yeah, but who’s going to pay for my bike, it’s wrecked again” said Misty as she climbed back into the pit to pick up Togepi.

“Oh I’ll sort that old thing out once we get back to the gym. I need to find something to occupy my time while you’re accepting Gym battle challenges” Ash said.

“I’d much rather you challenge me every day, at least I know I’d stand more than a fair chance against you” Misty remarked as she climbed back out of the pit.

“Hey” Ash said, slightly annoyed.

Misty smiled and rubbed her hand gently through Ash’s hair, handing him back his hat. She kissed him tenderly on the cheek.

“Relax Ash Ketchum, you’ll learn a lot. By the time we’re done, we’ll be the talk of town, and not just as Gym leaders” she said.

Ash pondered what she meant by that, and his mind again drifted back into the mists of time to something Misty had said to him.

An unintentional sign at the time?

No.

A promise.

“You and I will be married someday too”

“I’ll hold you to that” Ash said aloud.

Misty, having not been privy to his innermost thoughts, was confused.

“I did’nt quite catch that” she said.

Ash laughed and began to run enthusiastically towards the direction of Cerulean city. Misty, clutching Togepi tightly, took off after him with Pikachu dashing alongside her.

“Don’t you leave me behind Ash Ketchum” she yelled happily.

“Sure Misty, I promise, just so long as you catch me first” Ash yelled back at her.

Now was as good a time as ever.

WWE: Steamed Hams But It’s An In-Ring Promo (fanfiction/parody)

 

WWE:

STEAMED HAMS BUT IT’S AN IN-RING PROMO

ADAPTED FROM “22 SHORT FILMS ABOUT SPRINGFIELD”

“Welcome to the longest running weekly episodic program in television history, this is Monday Night RAW” said Micheal Cole as he opened the latest edition of World Wrestling Entertainment’s

“As you can see, Miz TV is set up in the ring” observed Corey Graves.

“You just know the a-lister has got what’s sure to be a critically acclaimed plan for dealing with Roman Reigns tonight” said Booker T.

The Miz headed to the ring accompanied by his Miztourage. All three of them stepped into the squared circle and welcomed the large capacity crowd to the event.

“Welcome one and all to the most must-see show on any brand, RAW is the home of Miz TV and I have come with a peace offering for Roman Reigns, one might say this will be an unforgettable luncheon” he said, snapping his fingers so as to alert his Miztourage to their next course of action.

They unveiled in the center of the ring a small oven, smoke was slowly pouring out of it.

“Hmm, yes, it’s coming along nicely, you can tangibly taste the smell of that roast cooking in that oven. Yes, succulent delights await Roman when he arrives, or rather if he arrives, I hear he’s taken a slight detour. All the more for us I guess” said The Miz, confident that he would be able to help himself to the meal if Roman couldn’t make it.

Suddenly, Roman Reigns music hit and the crowd came alive.

“The big dog has made it Miz, despite your directions” said Cole on commentary.

Bo Dallas checked the oven and found the chicken was significantly burnt, he relayed this information to his employer.

“What do you mean my roast is ruined?” The Miz whispered back.

Curtis Axel suggested that he head over to a recently reopened fast food joint near the arena so he could purchase something and disguise it as their own cooking.

“Delightfully devilish Axel” The Miz said.

Just as Curtis was about to exit the ring and head towards an exit in the area, Roman stepped into the ring and glared at him.

Miztourage with their crazy explanations

Roman Reigns is gonna need his adulation

When he hears the fans negative reactions

There’ll be trouble in town tonight

“Axel” Reigns yelled as the crowd booed and jeered him.

“You can tell the WWE Universe is having fun” said Cole.

“Oh Roman, I was just stretching my calves on the ring apron, isometric exercise, care to join me?” said Axel, who already had leg positioned on the side of the apron.

Roman noticed the smoldering contents of the oven.

“Why is there smoke coming out of your oven?” he asked.

“Oh, that isn’t smoke, it’s steam, steam from the steamed clams we’re having. Hmm, steamed clams” replied Bo.

Reigns was swiftly distracted by the arrival of Samaoa Joe, who had come to taunt Reigns for losing his Wrestlemania clash with Brock Lesnar.

Curtis seized the opportunity and bolted from the ring and to the fast food joint.

“The only things steaming up in this arena is the heat between you and me Roman. Your failure to conquer the beast only fuels the fire necessary in me to put you out to pasture permanently at Backlash” taunted Joe.

“At Backlash, you’ll find this is still my yard, and this dog still has a lot more bite left in him” promised Roman.

After a few additional back and forth exchanges, each promising to take down the other in an assortment of unpleasant ways, Joe took his leave, Roman turned around to find Curtis had returned

“Roman, I hope you’re ready for mouth watering hamburgers” said Curtis, holding a stunning dish serving the meal.

“What are you feeding me here? I thought you said we were having steamed clams?” said Roman

“No, no, we said steamed HAMS. That’s what we call hamburgers” said Bo with a swift and assuring confidence.

“You call hamburgers steamed hams?” said Roman, clearly not buying it.

“Yes. It’s a regional dialect” said Bo

“Uh-huh… uh, what region?” said Roman.

“Uhh… upstate Florida?” Curtis said.

“Really? Well, I’m from Pensacola, and I’ve never heard anyone use the phrase “steamed hams.”

“Oh, not in Florida, no. It’s an Albany expression” remarked Bo

Roman nodded in agreement I see.

Roman took a handful of the burgers from the plate. The Miz quietly hid the burning oven beneath the ring while he was distracted. The Miztourage joined in on eating the burgers.

“You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they used to have at The World” said Roman

“Oh ho ho ho… no, patented Miztourage burgers. Old family recipe” assured Curtis

“For steamed hams?” Roman asked.

“Yes” Bo replied

“Yeah, so you call them “steamed hams” despite the fact they are obviously grilled” said Roman.

Bo suddenly noticed the smoke was starting to intensify beneath the ring.

“Ye- hey- you know, the- one thing I should- excuse me for one second” he said, clambering out of the ring and conversing with The Miz as they checked under the ring. Bo stepped back into the ring stretching his arms. The Miz whispered instructions to Curtis.

“Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all, I’m pooped” Bo said.

“Yeah, if you think this is going to pacify me after the way you cheated me out of the intercontinental title, you’re very mistaken. It’s payback time” said Roman, pumping up his fist for a swift superman punch.

Suddenly, he noticed the smoke rising from the ring.

“Just what is happening down there” he said.

“Aurora borealis?” said The Miz.

The crowd booed.

“Uh- aurora borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely beneath the ring?” barked Roman.

“Yes” said The Miz

“May I see it?” Roman asked.

“No” said The Miz.

“This house is on fire” said Cole as the crowd broke into a “Miztourage” chant.

“No Micheal, it’s just the northern lights” joked Graves.

“Quiet, quiet, when my hand goes up, your mouth goes shut” said The Miz as he raised his arm to silence the audience

“Well Miztourage, you are odd fellows, I must say you steam a good ham…but I throw a good haymaker” said Roman, and took out the entire group with a barrage of superman punches and spears, all as the crowed jeered him, rejecting the latest attempt of getting him over.

Bob’s Burgers-Not The Corpse [fanfiction]

belchers

 

BOB’S BURGERS
NOT THE CORPSE

“Come on Bob, it’s starting” Linda Belcher commanded as her husband continued to snooze.

She rocked his body back and forth, urging him to snap his eyes open and make an appointment with the television

Bob stirred, and stared at the clock, alarmed at how early it was in the morning, the world was still cloaked in darkness, but for today the world was alive.

Linda excitedly wandered into her children’s rooms, each stirring them awake.

“Up and at ’em, none of you are missing this” said Linda.

“Who died?” asked Louise as she got up, Linda dragged her into the living room.

“Please don’t be a whale, please don’t be a whale” pleaded Tina to whatever God oversaw everything above.

Linda switched the television on to receive the breaking coverage of the royal wedding.

“Oh for Pete’s sake, not this” said Louise.

“What? It’s the most heartwarming thing you’ll see all year” said Linda.

“I don’t know Mom, I’ve seen the end to Babylon 5” said Gene.

“Sweetie, that was heartwrenching, learn the difference” Linda insisted.

“Louise calls that a different kind of happy, and I’m inclined to believe her” retorted Gene, looking to Louise for validation.

“Whatever, I’m making a call” said Louise, picking up the phone and dialing in a number

Soon enough, the receiver picked it up.

“Hey Rudy” she said

“You feeling alright Louise?” said Rudy as he picked up the phone.

“Yeah, just doing my part in the vocal minority contributing as little to the royal shenanigans as possible” Louise replied

“Me too” said Rudy

“Oh nuts, sorry Rudy, I didn’t stop to think…weddings remind you of your parents don’t they? Sorry about that buddy” she said.

“No, it’s fine I’m good…more than good, I’m above the norm” said Rudy

“Really? What’s stuck your head in the clouds?” she said.

“You would know, I heard when you got on that bike, you just took off” said Rudy

“Totally, wish I’d had your ramps so I could have achieved that literally” replied Louise with a devilish laugh

“I’m proud of you Louise, but more so, I’m proud of myself…it took me a while to come to terms with it, but with how special those cops made me feel, I’m willing to come to school tomorrow in full acceptance of who I am…maybe I can help others accept who they are too” Rudy replied.

“And what are you exactly?” asked Louise.

“I’m still trying to figure that out myself…maybe God has the answer, he’s seen me in action, this is how he wants me to see him…by answering that question” Rudy explained.

“Rudy, I hope you know this is just because I had to convince those cops to clear the alleyway and allow us to play with the ramps” Louise revealed

Rudy pondered this for a minute, then resumed talking

“You mean you know what kind of man I am?” he said.

“Sure, you’re a cupcake, I’ve said as much before” said Louise.

“I’m as cool as the icing on top, but I’m not quite a cupcake any longer, I’m fly like an eagle, that’s what those cops were getting that, they were in awe of me”

“Hearing this ego trip is awe-ful Rudy, come on, come down to Earth a little, you know, for me?” Louise asked.

“I’ll touch down if you promise me another benefit” Rudy requested.

Louise knew at this point he was just playing with her, having figured out her deception was all to keep the lady with the van at bay and allow the kids to play in peace.

“Oh very coy Rudy, that wasn’t even all for you you know” Louise replied.

“You can’t take it back, you said you threw a benefit for me, your own words, just letting you know I appreciate it so much I demand an encore performance” Rudy continued, teasing her

“Ok, first, it was totally a lie, at least you know that now, secondly, If we kept pulling one off, it’d look less and less special. What do we want to do? Recruit the whole police force to come down next time? The magic all depends on circumstances Rudy” Louise revealed

“Maybe you can arrange my wake next time then?” said Rudy.

“Getting a little ahead of yourself buddy” Louise replied.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right…still, it was nice of you to at least make up a charitable event in my name Louise, It’s just everyone is buzzing about the wedding and I’d much prefer the kind of attention it’s getting from everyone in the neighborhood” Rudy revealed.

“You’re the man Rudy, while some people are annoyed they’re not the bride or groom, you’re annoyed that you’re not the corpse” Louise concluded, smiling affectionately, though Rudy could not see it.

The Simpsons-Sliding (Annoyed Grunt) (fanfiction)

Simpsons-logo-1-

SLIDING (ANNOYED GRUNT)

(A rewrite of “I Love Lisa”)

Submitted for your consideration, a young girl on her way home from school. She is about to be met on her journey by a young boy that she gave a valentine’s day card to out of what she believed to be pity.

You may have seen one version of these events play out already. A most tragic outcome, where one child’s inability to bring herself to order led to public humiliation and rejection of the young lad.

That version of events you may know…this is not that version.

In your reality, the little girl you know as Lisa Simpson often asked herself the burning question ”what would have happened if I’d went about things different?”, here, for your enjoyment, is one possible answer out of millions.

Lisa is only a few miles away from her house when Ralph Wiggum accompanies her, still on a high after reading her valentines’ card.

He tries to make small talk as best as his mental prowess can allow, but he is finding difficulty conveying anything of interest to Lisa.

” … and my doctor said I wouldn’t have so many nose-bleeds if I kept my finger out of there” he said.

“That’s a little graphic Ralph” said Lisa.

“I don’t remember drawing any graphics, we did’nt do computing or art today” replied Ralph in a confused state.

“No, no, there are two different meanings for ‘graphic'” Lisa replied.

Lisa spent the majority of the walk home conveying to Ralph the differences between graphic design and graphic, and grotesque, physical acts, and why it grossed her out so much.

She didn’t seem to make much progress on this front either.

“So if I eat my mom’s nail polish, that’s not me painting my insides the way they paint the inside of the house?” Ralph asked.

Lisa tutted and tried her best not to look Ralph in the eye. Something inside of her was tempted to emit a vocal, and mocking, laugh, the kind of laugh that compels you to say things at school of the encounter the next day, but a saner, softer side to her rose to the occasion this day, making her understand the boy’s condition more.

Lisa instead opted to head towards her house as it came into view

“Well, here’s my house” she said, creeping ever so delicately towards the front lawn.

Ralph remained transfixed on her with a dream like gaze, he gently waved to her as she began to rush to the door.

Once safely inside, Lisa went to the window and stared outward. Ralph hung around a minute or so more, skipping a little down the lane lost within himself.

Lisa felt something in her stomach that made her uneasy, she tried to calm her nerves, but they sprang up once more just as she began to settle.

She could not understand where this sensation was coming from, it wasn’t quite clear to her just yet.

She walked past her older brother Bart and Homer, her father, who were watching television. It was another episode of Itchy and Scratchy. A valentines themed episode.

Itchy gave Scratchy a heart shaped box, Scratchy was confused as to why it was empty. Itchy took out a sharp edged kitchen knife and carved Scratchy’s chest open, taking his heart out of it’s compartment and depositing it in the box. Scratchy shed a small tear as part of him appreciated the gift given to him, until the lack of a vital artery ultimately resulted in him crashing to the floor in a lifeless heap.

Bart, who had laughed a great deal at the violent act, was left slightly annoyed afterwards by Scratchy’s reaction.

“What’s your malfunction boy?” asked Homer.

“It’s one of those darned sentimental episodes they make to remind everyone that, though it appears they be enemies, there’s a caring, sensitive side to the characters. That blows man” said Bart.

“Well it’s a little more tolerable than the public information film with those two involving the kite and the phone lines above the train tunnel, those shorts are real scary” Homer replied

“Dad, that wasn’t an Itchy and Scratchy short” Bart replied.

“Then who was the cat and the mouse then?” said Homer.

“That was Snowball II trying to catch a rodent in front of the tv” answered Bart.

“Oh yeah, I was wondering if that was non-canon considering the cat killed the mouse” said Homer.

Krusty the Clown, the children’s entertainer, appeared on the screen in a tuxedo.

“Hey, kids! Don’t forget to watch my 29th Anniversary Show, featuring clips like this one of Sideshow Mel wacked out on wowie-sauce”

Krusty showed a preview of what to expect, showing a clearly drunk and disorderly Cecil giving Krusty a piece of his mind.

“And you shall be informed, forthwith, you clueless clam, that I, nor my compatriots to the right and left of me…or in whatever direction they are in that happens to fit my present vision, that you can take this job and shove it right between your…”

The clip stopped and Krusty reappeared.

“…Peak prime time viewing hours, that’s totally what he was going to say right kids? At least, for the purpose of this segway anyhow. Find out what he was really talking about and so much more…when you turn 15 years old. In the meantime, come to my special at your current age and let the magic grow with you until then” Krusty continued.

“I’d do anything to go to that show” said Bart.

“I’d sell my first-born son” said Homer

“That’s cold man, you’re way too old for Krusty anyway” Bart angrily retorted.

“Hey, you forgetting that time I filled in for that clown?” Homer replied.

“I’ve tried with every rerun from that era” snapped Bart.

Lisa chose not to partake in this latest of family squabbles, and went to the kitchen to see her mother, little knowing tempers had cooled down in the living room as Bart chose to go outside to lose a little steam, leaving Homer to eavesdrop on the conversation between mother and daughter.

Deciding to intercede, Homer walked into the kitchen with the apparent intention of taking a beer out of the fridge, but he hung around the general area with his head lost in the chilled container picking up every trace of what Lisa had to say about Ralph.

Finally, Lisa asked the million dollar question which sprang Homer into action

“What do you say to a boy to let him know you…you’re not…well…” Lisa began, but trailed off

“…A woman yet?” Homer replied, trying to finish her sentence

“Homer!” Marge retorted, telling him off with just the sheer pronunciation of his name.

“I was going to say ‘interested'” said Lisa.

“Oh honey, a girl is always interested when a boy starts to show a little curiosity in them…what you mean to say is you’re not ready yet” said Marge.

“Yeah, just rattle off these little fireworks” Homer said, checking his fingers.

“Let’s seem, you should give him something to fight for, so say I’ve met someone, or I’ve met someone who looks like you, I know this boy, he’s dumb as a rock, just give him a photo of himself to show what his ‘rival’ looks like and he’ll attack the photo thinking it’s literally him”

“I won’t be that cruel Dad” Lisa replied.

“Sometimes you have to be kind to be cruel to be kind dear” Homer said

“Homer, you just laid out a scenario where Lisa would just be cruel for cruelty’s sake” said Marge.

“Ok Marge, for your sake, since you’re so hell bent on us giving little Lisa heaven sent advice, let me try again…Lisa, try these six simple words: I’m not gay, but I’ll learn”

“Heavens above” Marge replied.

“My advice was that good?” Homer responded, in a vein hope his latest contribution had struck some sort of divine pay-dirt.

Lisa took her mother’s advice to heart more so than her fathers’, and the next day at school made her intentions clear to Ralph.

“Sorry Ralph, but I’m just not ready for this level of interest yet from you or any boy. I hope you understand” she said.

“I guess so” Ralph replied, taking his time to not only comprehend Lisa’s words, but to also decode their meaning.

It was a thought that would pester him all the way to his own abode, and well into dinnertime.

Ralph approached his father, Chief Clancy Wiggum.

“Dad, my friend Lisa doesn’t want me interested in her, but she also said she wasn’t interested in boys YET” Ralph revealed, believing he had pinpointed a subtle clue in the delivery of Lisa’s speech turning him down.

“Just shows she’s playing hard to get, the key to a woman’s heart is persistence, keep at it and before you know it, you’ll clip that lovebird’s wings and she’ll fall graciously into your arms”

“Is that how you met Mom?” asked Ralph.

“Persistence is one thing, but seeing a man in uniform? That’s an entirely different kettle of fish” Wiggum replied, giving Ralph a cautionary look.

“I hope you know my saying that in no way permits you to fill my uniform with boiling hot water and trout again, am I clear?” he asked.

Ralph laughed and nodded.

As another week ticked by, the days leading to Krusty’s big anniversary bash drew closer, and Krusty was in a reflective mood as he talked of the show’s history to his audience, with Bart and Lisa watching on television at home.

“The executive bigwigs…woo boy, and I mean that litterally, they were as bald as a ball-point cucumber, said we would’nt last six weeks on air when we started. We did’nt, we got picked up by another network which had crashed and burned marketing telenovellas to the public. We remain their savin’ grace”

“Oh if only we could nab tickets to that show, but our parents would have to be pretty high in society to be able to afford them” Lisa said anxiously.

Homer walked by the living area and overheard this, he looked quite down afterwards.

“Why am I so addicted to eavesdropping. Hmm…if I’m around Flanders, does it mean I’m adamandevesdropping?” Homer continued.

The doorbell rang, Lisa wandered over to the window to catch a glimpse of who was waiting for them on the other side of the door. She froze.

“What’s the sytch sis?” asked Bart.

“It’s Ralph, oh this is’nt good” said Lisa, clutching her stomach as it became a tense knot once more.

“I thought you told him to take his ball and go long with it” Bart asked.

“I did, but maybe he thinks I’m being difficult to attain on purpose…oh Bart, if he’s not willing to listen I don’t know how I’ll be able to rid myself of him” Lisa said in a helpless state.

She opted to hide, and urged her father to make up an excuse as to why she could not come and see Ralph.

Homer answered the door and greeted Ralph.

“Hi Mr. Simple, is Lisa here?” Ralph said.

“It’s that time of the month, come back later” said Homer.

“No dad, we want him gone for keeps” whispered Bart.

“Can I help her? I’d do anything for Lisa” said Ralph.

“Really now? Well, I think she said something about the roof needing some re shingling…” Homer replied, seizing an opportunity to make the most out of Ralph’s lovesick obsession with his daughter.

“I’d be glad to help with your roof dingaling, could you give Lisa this from me in the meantime? ” he said, handing out a package.

Homer took the package, and walked over to the closet where Lisa was hiding

Lisa gently stepped out of the closet and accepted the package, she headed back over to the living room and opened it up with Bart watching.

“Oh, the latest in the Malibu Stacy convertible range, I hadn’t planned on getting this until sometime in the summer with my holiday money” Lisa said.

“Look, there’s a note attached” Bart said, taking out the note

“Look in the tunk” he said, reading it aloud.

“Aw bless his heart, he means trunk” said Lisa.

Lisa opened the trunk of the convertible and found two tickets to Krusty’s anniversary show.

“Oh that slow little devil, he’s only gone and booked the two of you in the front row” Bart said furiously.

“How was he able to afford this?” Lisa replied,.

“It’s not fair, I’m ten times the fan you are, I even have the autographs of all his ex-girlfriends” said Bart.

“Bart, I’m not sure going with Ralph to this is such a great idea” Lisa said.

“Precisely my point, you don’t even like him, and if you go with him, he’ll just assume you’re ok with whatever he’s willing to do for you” said Bart.

“Well, it’s not exactly that I don’t like him, what’s not to like about a gift like this? It’s just I don’t want to leave him with a broken heart…” Lisa said.

“Look, if you’re this wound up, I’m behind you all the way, I’ll even go in your place disguised as you” Bart said

“Bart, what if he wants to…you know…hold hands? or Kiss?” Lisa asked anxiously.

“Hey, you’ve seen me in high heels, if I walk like a vixen, I can sure kiss like one” said Bart.

“That sounded more enthusiastic than someone of your sexuality is known for” said a despairing Lisa.

The two suddenly heard a thud, they walked over to the window to find a dazed and confused Ralph lying on the lawn.

Homer came through the front door to assure the two everything was ok.

“Not to worry kids, Ralph was getting to work on the roof and passed out inhaling the tar fumes” he said.

“What on earth was he out there doing that for?” said Lisa, rushing out of the door and towards Ralph’s hands as he remained disoriented.

“I told him a little white lie about you wanting some work done on the roof, he leapt at it…no really, prior to me fetching a ladder, he tried leaping Six Million Dollar Man style onto the roof, couldn’t get anywhere but a few inches, you should have seen it, it was a hoot”

“Maybe he’ll die before the special comes on tv” Bart said, which further annoyed Lisa.

“He’ll live Bart, and I’m definitely going now” said Lisa as she helped Ralph to his feet.

“Dad, talk to her, stop her, she’s only going out of guilt” whispered Bart.

“What’s she got to feel guilty about? Her Christmas presents have come so early, I may as well just stick Ralph in a Kris Kringle beard and keep him around for the rest of the year” said Homer.

The big day soon came, the night of Krusty’s anniversary show, and Chief Wiggum had offered to drive Lisa and Ralph to the event personally.

Lisa stared at herself in the mirror, admiring the dress her mother had provided for her.

Marge stepped into the bedroom and was taken aback by how beautiful Lisa looked.

“Oh my little starlet, Ralph’s a very lucky person” she said.

“Easy for him I guess, I feel my luck’s completly run out” said Lisa.

“Oh honey, just focus on having a good time, I’m sure Ralph won’t say something too out of line, or nothing too exotic” assured Marge.

“Mom, Bart thinks I’m going to this show out of guilt, or obligation, but a part of me is really very appreciative of what Ralph did for me…I just don’t want him to think it’s more than that” Lisa admitted.

“Oh dear, it’s not like he’s going to proclaim his undying devotion for you in front of millions. Go in as friends and seize the night” said Marge.

The doorbell rang, Lisa and Marge gave each other a reassuring hug and went downstairs to greet the visitors.

Ralph was dressed in a striking and swanky grey coat and shirt , he was looking his best.

“Hi Lisa, wow, you look like a looker” he said.

Lisa smiled, but something was different this time, she didn’t feel so anxious, she instead felt her mood lifted considerably by the compliment.

Chief Wiggum chauffeurs Ralph and Lisa to the anniversary show in the back seat of a police car.

“Mr. Wiggum, how were you able to afford the tickets?” Lisa asked

Wiggum proceeded to tell her of an encounter with Krusty at an adult movie theatre, Lisa cut him off before he could get further into it.

“This isn’t very appropriate Mr. Wiggum, I’m only nine” said Lisa.

“I’ve been telling stories like this to Ralph since he was seven” Wiggum replied, shocking Lisa.

“Is this true Ralph?” she asked. Ralph nodded.

“Usually at bedtime, Dad says so long as he helps the town sleep at night, the stories should help me sleep too” Ralph replied.

“And do you?” said Lisa.

“I have lots of exciting dreams about nabbing robbers and protecting people, I get so excited about them I play them out at night” Ralph said beaming with positivity as he reflected on his adventures.

“So you don’t sleep for long then?” said Lisa.

“Sleep is for cats, I read that was a saying somewhere, my cat’s name is Mittens” Ralph said.

“I have a cat too, it’s called Snowball II” Lisa replied, now most interested in Ralph’s choice of pets.

“You have a sequel as a pet, that’s funny. I own Empire Strikes Back, but it doesn’t react to me” said Ralph.

“Alright kids, this is your stop, play nice” said Wiggum as the car pulled up at the studio. Lisa and Ralph disembarked and made their way to their seats.

Lisa looked at the teeming mass of youthful humanity pouring into the studio sound-stage, she was relieved to find not so many were from her class.

Some caught a glimpse of the two and began making small chatter among themselves, Lisa sat in her seat besides Ralph, who waved at her innocently. Lisa waved back, she felt surprisingly calm considering all that was conspiring against her in the back.

The show began. In the audience were Bill and Hillary Clinton.

“Hey, Ms. Clinton! I campaigned for the other guy, but I voted for you” Krusty said as he made his way onto the set.

Krusty introduced a clip of Robert Frost in 1963 reading one of his poems. Krusty made some faces at the camera before depositing a large load of synthetic snow on Ford, who continued to read out his poem regardless.

The next clip was from 1973,`’Kroon Along With Krusty”. A rocking and rolling Krusty sang, back-dropped by psychedelic Laugh-In colors.

“I think this is one of those instances where I have to ask myself what I was literally smoking” Krusty said aloud as the clip came to an end.

Ralph had decided around this time to indulge in some refreshment, and took a pair of chocolate ice creams out of a miniature container that he had carried into the studio with him, he offered Lisa one, but as she reached out for it, Chief Wiggum’s hand snatched it from her.

“Mind if I confiscate that son?” said Chief Wiggum. Ralph nodded.

The chocolate, however, slipped from the top and dripped down onto Wiggum’s lap.

“Oh great, excuse me a moment kids, I gotta go wipe this off” he said.

Lisa giggled at the calamity that had just occurred, but soon noticed Ralph himself was getting apprehensive without his father around.

“Ralph, what’s wrong?” she said.

“People are talking about me, I can hear them. I need an adult” Ralph said, his eyes beginning to slightly water.

Lisa held his hand tightly.

“Everything’s alright Ralph, you don’t need to worry about what they say, just focus on what I think of you” she said.

“Your brother said you only came because you felt bad for me” Ralph revealed.

“Maybe that’s how it started, but I’m having a great time, you’re good company Ralph, you’re generous and you’re interesting, I don’t think many of the kids in our class can measure up to that” Lisa said reassuringly.

“Now for my favourite part of the show…interacting with the audience” proclaimed Krusty.

Ralph’s eyes widened with joy, Lisa was a little more nervous, but was steadily finding it easier to maintain her composure

She knew Bart was at home recording the program, she knew more of the kids in her class were watching at home. The kids in her class that were attending the event continued to make chat among themselves, taking little bets that the camera would soon be trained on Ralph Wiggum and whatever mad thing would emit from his lips at the expense of anyone associated with him.

Sure enough, Krusty approached Ralph and asked him what he was doing there.

“I’m on a date” he said

Lisa could hear faint bursts of laughter coming from behind her.

“A date huh? I take it the person sitting next to you is the lucky lady right?” Krusty said.

“Yes, her name is Lisa Simpson, she’s the kindest girl I’ve ever known and when I grow up, I’m going to marry her”

All of the young audience’s eyes were swiftly trained on Lisa, she gulped, realizing the worst fears had come to pass, now the ball was in her court

In your reality, Lisa let her anxiety overtake her, she told Ralph in a fit of unparalleled frustration and rage that she had only given him that card out of pity, that she never loved him, and that she would never be his bride. The humiliation shattered a very tenuous link that Ralph had to the world and for a time he retreated into himself.

This is not that reality.

Here, Lisa opts instead to bring herself to order, this was such a special occasion for Ralph, a proud moment for him, and she was not about to ruin it for her own sake.

Besides, she no longer felt guilty, or apprehensive, or resentful. Those feelings had been purged from her system upon taking into consideration all the things Ralph had done for her over the last few days.

This was not guilt motivating her, nor was it bravery.

This, perhaps, was love.

“I, well, look Mr. Krusty, Ralph’s sweet and everything, but we’re just friends at the moment, would I like it to be something more than that? Maybe when we’re older we could give it a go, but for now I’m just glad to be here with someone who wants to make himself and one other happy” she said.

“Sounds like you got friend zoned live on air kid, I feel for ya” Krusty said, nudging Ralph in the arm and resuming his show.

Ralph looked at Lisa, who stared back at him with sincerity in her eyes.

“You still just want to be friends?” Ralph asked, disappointed.

“Please don’t be mad at me Ralph, it’s just too soon for us” she said.

Ralph sighed, resigned to the knowledge his persistence had not paid off, now he had to respect Lisa’s wishes.

“I’ll be ok I guess” he said, before latching, once more, onto something she had said.

“Did you mean that? Will you be my girlfriend one day?” he asked.

Lisa smiled, and clutched his hand even tighter.

“Ralph, you never know how we feel about someone as you get older, but with luck, if you can stay true to who you are, and I can stay true to who I am, you’ll always be someone I consider in the future” she said.

Ralph beamed and the two gave each other a warm embrace.

Back at home, Bart was watching the events unfold on television.

“Aw, and I was so looking forward to recording the precise moment his heart broke in half” he said aloud in despair.

Bob’s Burgers-The Power Behind Me [fanfiction]

belchers

 

BOB’S BURGERS

THE POWER BEHIND ME


It can take a good few years for some to prepare a speech.

Some take longer to rehearse it.

Thus it fell to Louise Belcher, now older and wiser in her years, and in the quickest manner of time, to write and prepare something for her best friend Rudy on the eve of his big town hall meeting where he would speak on the importance of keeping to a strict approach in power point presentation.

After putting together something she hurridly raced to where he’d parked his car outside of the restruant and fastend the speech to the front of the car.

Rudy stared at her out of the window coldly

“What the hell is this?” he said.

“Your speech, you can rehearse while you drive” Louise replied.

“How in the hell can I see where I’m going” Rudy said.

“That’s the meta context of the speech talking right?” said Louise.

“No, it’s reality about to take me on a ride before a good hard crash” snapped Rudy, before clutching his chest in pain.

“Oh Rud Dog, you’re the only dweeb I know who lets his jitters give you the willes” said Louise, handing him his inhaler.

Rudy took a deep breath. Louise rolled her eyes.

“Right, I might as well look over this now” he said, getting out of the car and reading the speech fastened to the front of the wind screen wipers.

“Power has a point

Do you think I’m serious?

Do you think I’m serious?

Do you think I’m serious?

Power has a point

I may just be very serious

I’m suddenly a new kind of man”

Louise crossed her fingers.

Rudy glanced at her with a cold and icy glare

“Louise, this is’nt a speech, it’s an entrance theme, you’ve even written the musical notes above it all”

“Oh, sorry, I forgot to give you the original manuscript for when you have to read it” said Louise, making Rudy wait an extra five minutes while she searched her room for it and handed it back to him.

“Louise, this is in japanese” he said

“Yeah the whole song is in japanese, I recently came off a crash course on it as part of home university. The english version is to be photocopied and handed to everyone in the meeting so you know what to say when you read off the original manuscript”

“You want me to make my presentation singing Japanese?” said Rudy.

“I keep telling you, the presentation is all there, you just have to show them what’s on there while singing, it’ll prove a hit don’t worry. I suggest you let Gene bring his keyboard along, he’s got the right mix of tracks, you’ll do great, and you can record everything on a selfie stick attached to your microphone” she said, handing Rudy the item.

Rudy was tempted to take another breath of his inhaler.

“I always thought this job would be too much”

“Hey, you signed on for it” said Louise

“I did’nt mean the presentation” argued Rudy.

“Oh, it’s me is’nt it? I’m the job to you all of a sudden” exclaimed a cross Louise.

“I’m just mad it is’nt 9 to 5” said Rudy, stroking her hair gracefully and picking her up in his arms.

Louise smiled and rubbed her nose on his before taking a bite of it.

“All those sleepless nights lately with that Australian flu really made you miss this huh?” Louise remarked.

“Considering you’re the one I contracted it from, you sure did make me feel like your body wanted some space from mine” Rudy joked.

The two twirled around the spot where they stood before Rudy realized he was two minutes late. He gave Louise an impactful kiss on the lips, Louise responded with a tender sting of a slap before Rudy got back into the car with the Japanese version of the manuscript. He refused to take the English version.

Louise was impressed at the choice.

“You sure you won’t need it?” she said.

“I know a thing or two about the langauge, they don’t, I’m going to look like Mr. Yakuza to them, nothing but the rising sun in my attitude and the power behind me”

Rudy touched Louise’s nose with his finger

“Which also happens to be what’s currently in front of me” he said.

Rudy kissed her one more time before driving down the edge of the warf.

Lousie watched him go, and took a look at the english manuscript, humming the bars of the japanese music to herself as she ventured back inside.