Tag Archives: FANFICTION

Danger Mouse-He’s A Vamp, But I Love Him [Fanfiction]

 

DANGER MOUSE:

HE’S A VAMP, BUT I LOVE HIM

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS

Disclaimer: Danger Mouse (2015) and all trademarked characters are property of Freemantle Media and CBBC

It’s a peaceful day in a bustling London park.

A lazy Friday.

Good Friday.

That’s right, it’s Easter.

Two days to go before the kids tuck into the creamiest chocolaty eggs you can purchase off the high-street.

Two days before Kinder Surprise nets a tidy million in profits.

But before that, there is joy to be had, for the kids are off school, and are quick to embrace their fortnight of freedom.

What could ruin their good mood?

How about balloons?

Yes. You heard right.

Balloons.

Descending upon the park in their thousands, all pouring out of a giant airship with giant bat-like wings attached to each side and a large beak perched at the front.

This vessel can belong to only one creature, the most sinister showman in all of Transylvania, and a threat to the known world, Count Duckula!

“Now that was quite an introduction” said Duckula at the controls of his airship, “I’m glad I wrote it for you Mr. Narrator, and I’m just as grateful you had a chance to read it”

Ok, ok, now will you please cut my family loose?

“Certainly” said Duckula, turning to a trio of terrified human beings tied up in the far left of the airship. He pulled a switch which opened up a hole in the floor which the family fell through.

Yikes! My family is in deadly danger, and here I am depicting every detail of it!

This wasn’t in my contract…no personal stakes, I specifically put that in there, along with a minor raise and a trip to Vienna during mid-series breaks in between the holidays.

Somebody help them!

Fortunately, this narrator’s prayers were swiftly answered as the family came back up through the hole being held in the arms of a trinity of very special secret agents. This world’s finest. Danger Mouse, Jeopardy Mouse, and Penfold, all wearing rocket packs.

“Good thing the plot required us to hang about the back end of your airship Duckula” said DM.

“What is with the balloons Duck? Talk while you still have your beak attached” said Jeopardy

“The balloons contain a special form of gas that, when it comes into contact with the atmosphere, will permanently alter the vocal chords of everyone within proximity, and the first thing they hear afterwards will be what the chords will adapt to, and do you know who they’ll hear?” Duckula boasted, before throwing another switch.

“Mine”

A large series of loud speakers attached to the bottom of the airship were soon charged and ready to emit whatever sound was due to come through.

The top of the airship suddenly opened and an immense gloved hand containing an equally large drawing pin, it lowered gently down and menacingly hovered over the descending balloons.

“Think of it, a whole world speaking my kind of language, I’ll forever be the talk of the town” boasted Duckula.

“Not if we render you mute” said DM, and sped towards Duckula in his rocket pack.

Duckula transformed into a bat and glided across the ship, proving difficult to catch. He turned around and gave DM a taunting rasp, before glancing in horror as Jeopardy and Penfold encircled him in their own rocket packs.

“Penfold, grab him” said Jeopardy.

Penfold went in to grab Duckula by the throat, but the count quickly dug his fangs into Penfold’s fingers. Penfold squealed.

“Cor, ‘Chief, that really hurt” Penfold said, as Duckula ultimately flew down the hole and out of the airship.

“It was just a love bite Penfold” DM said.

“Yeah, well fat chance of us going out on a date, I don’t like the type that bite” said Penfold.

“At least he didn’t burst any balloons” said Jeopardy

“Now all we have to do is gather them up and take them back to headquarters and get them processed at the labs” said DM, “Let’s just hope Squawk doesn’t take it as a sign we’re trying to make up for that birthday party we kept ruining”

Back at headquarters, Professor Squawkencluck took a hammer and beat it down hard on the cotton socks in front of her, fierceness in her eyes. She folded up the socks, curled them into a ball, and griped them tightly.

Seemingly satisfied with what she could feel in her hand, she threw it into a pile of other compressed socks in the back of her lab.

DM, Penfold, and Jeopardy walked in, carrying a cart full of Count Duckula’s balloons. Penfold noticed the rather immense sock collection.

“What’s with all the woolly warmers Professor?” he asked.

“I’m going to attend a convention in the alps in a couple of days, the weather up there is said to be quite brutal this year so I’m enhancing all of my thermal wear with a special alloy that will keep me in pristine temperature even under the coldest conditions” she explained.

“Ah, always nice to present yourself as all warm and fuzzy, suits your personality” noted a sarcastic Danger Mouse.

“Just what is this business with the balloons Danger Mouse?” asked Squawkencluck, trying to change the subject before she snapped again at DM’s teasing.

“They carry a gas that makes you a personal member of a club reserved only for Huey, Dewey, and Loewy” said Jeopardy.

Squawkencluck examined one of the balloons with a keen and sharp eye, “Hmm, yes, yes, I can see the gas somewhat swirling around there, I’ll test it out on a couple of lab rats”

“But we’re the only two rodents in here” said DM, noting himself and Jeopardy.

Squawkencluck folded her arms and raised an eyebrow.

DM and Jeopardy quickly dashed out of the room, leaving her with Penfold.

“I heard you had a little brush with the count” Squawk noted.

“Please, If I ever had children with him, it’d certainly wouldn’t resemble a brush, probably more a stick of broccoli” Penfold replied in jest, before feeling a sharp pain in his right fingers.

“Penfold, are you sure you don’t want to have that checked out?” Squawkencluck asked, worried about Penfold’s condition.

“DM told me it was just a love bite” said Penfold.

“I’d be a bit worried if I were you, this is what the Goosewing institute for vampire research call ‘green fingers’, a process used by rare vampire ducks to convert their victims”

“Well it’s sure made me want to take a bite out of something…like a carrot, or some cucumber…”

“Cravings for vegetarian food? Oh that settles it, you’re not to budge from this lab until I get back” Sqauwkencluck said, “Stay right there while I get you a veggie burger”

Jeopardy and DM made their way over to the canteen, where Danger Moth was waiting.

“I’ll get us something to snack on, you two can talk shop” DM suggested, and headed over to grab a plate and begin making selections. His eyes were trained on a large stack of sandwiches in the far left, dripping with mustard, cheese and relish.

Trouble is, they were all wedged under white bread, and DM knew what scoffing down too much of them could do to your weight. In addition to that, they could block up your bladder.

So his next instinctive act was to check for any brown loafs instead. If anything else, they allowed evacuations to occur much more quickly, which could only be good for his long-term health.

Jeopardy and Danger Moth sat down at the centre table. A copy of the Metro newspaper had been left behind by the previous occupants; Danger Moth took to reading it.

“You’re aware that’s yesterday’s paper right?” said Jeopardy, pointing at the date at the top of the paper.

“Oh I’m not interested in the headlines for yesterday, today, or tomorrow, I’m checking to see if the crossword’s been filled in, or if the funnies are still intact” Danger Moth replied.

“Like to tackle a bit of a puzzle in the mornings then?” asked Jeopardy.

“This is the afternoon” said Danger Moth.

“Forgive me, I’m American, it’s the break of dawn where I come from at this time” Jeopardy said, checking her watch.

“Any news on that Ruby Diamond you’ve been tracking over here?” asked Danger Moth.

“Do you need to remind me of that?” Jeopardy replied, slightly irked.

“My apologies, DM had told me you didn’t take kindly to being lied to on that mission” said Danger Moth.

“Deceiving me in public is one thing, but did he have to do it in a dream sequence?” Jeopardy persisted.

“It’s his way” she said.

His way?” Jeopardy asked, a bit bamboozled, “His way is constantly thinking of ways to make himself look surer than he actually is. He wants to prove something all of the time to me. I should be flattered, but I’m always left feeling frustrated” she continued.

“Feeling frustrated is still a feeling” said Danger Moth.

“You trying to say something about how I truly feel about that manipulative mouse?” said Jeopardy.

“Certainly not, but he is my friend, I have the right to look out for him when someone shoots him ac cross pair of eyes” replied Danger Moth.

“Is that just a thought, or a feeling all of its own?” asked a suspicious Jeopardy.

Before Danger Moth could reply, Danger Mouse arrived with a couple of brown loafs, chips, and rice.

“Anyone for a chip butty?” he asked.

Squawkencluck re-entered the lab, veggie burger in hand, which was now immersed in darkness.

She demanded some sort of chill run down her spine, but it never occurred.

She wondered why that was.

Perhaps because she didn’t fear what was coming next, maybe it was because she never truly feared the dark.

Maybe she was far too trusting of it.

The lights suddenly flickered on and off, she tried to focus on anything that dared to move besides her.

“P-Penfold?” she said, “Ar-are you there?”

“I’m everywhere” echoed back a voice.

“Are you now?” asked Squawk, “Then would you mind being in the proximity of the light switch? I’m blind as a bat in here”

“Funny you should mention that” said Penfold, as the lights flickered on again, revealing that he was in front of Squawk, looking distinctly dour, the eyes behind his glasses were hazy and blood-red. He was also wearing what looked like a torn bin-bag over his neck.

“Aren’t you a little old for dress-up Penfold?” Squawk said, trying to humour him in light of knowing exactly what was occurring to him.

“I feel older now than my ancestors ever were” said Penfold

“Feel. Not are” Squawk replied, detecting the slick emergence of the Transylvanian accent in his voice.

“Ah, but what are we if we cannot feel? It’s so clear to me now, how much of a lost puppy I was. Me, a hamster…and all I do is curl up to the chief like I were a complacent puppy. I should be more a dog of war, not a dove of peace”

“I like puppies” Squawk replied, humouring him.

“Yes, but you’re also quite content to shoot the dog down sometimes, not pet it” said Penfold, slowly approaching her, extending his right hand, slightly swollen with shades of leafy green across the digits of his fingers.

“What do you want me to do with that?” said Squawk.

“Honour me as a gentleman” said Penfold.

Squawk tried to back out of the lab through the door, only for the lights to flicker again. When she turned to exit, she found herself sealed inside.

Alone with the monster before her.

“Honour me” he said, his mouth now wide open, revealing two sharp fangs.

Squawk screamed, the veggie burger dropped to the floor.

Dishonourable deeds soon commenced.

As the alarm bells rang all over H.Q, Danger Mouse, Jeopardy and Danger Moth sprinted through the bustling corridors amongst the teeming masses of panicking agents and maintenance workers scattering in all directions.

DM pressed a button attached to his right wrist, the hologram of Col. K immediately flared into life

“Status Colonel?” DM asked, “We’ve been running down these corridors ever since lunch, the least you could do is actually point us to a specific room”

“Sorry DM, it’s been a bit of a bad show for us so far” admitted the colonel, “Anyway, it’s been hard to keep track of activity from Professor Squawkencluck’s lab, and most of the people covering the security feeds are too scared to talk about what they witnessed”

“Why is everyone else panicking then if there’s nothing you can get out of the surveillance crew?” said DM.

“Oh, that’s completely unrelated…we’re having a clearance sale” said the Colonel, “People are scrambling either to collect their cards or hide their valuables before security appropriate them for the necessary bidding”

“Is this seriously how you pay for your budget?” asked a nosy Jeopardy.

“We’re on our way to Squawk’s lab Colonel, and whatever you do; please don’t commandeer my precious smoking jacket variant chess pieces”

The trio arrived at the lab, and found that the doors had been forced open and split in half.

They stepped into the inky black room, tip-toeing ever so slightly, only their bright eyes were visible in this black void.

“Professor? Professor?” DM asked.

“We’ve got to find the light switch” said Jeopardy.

“Oh no, don’t even mention that around me” said Danger Moth.

“We can’t see a thing” insisted Jeopardy.

“Yes, but if you so much as flip that switch on, I’ll be mucking about more with that that minding the mission” replied Danger Moth.

“DM’s right” said DM.

“Thanks DM” said…erm…DM.

Oh great, you’ve got me doing that again, how can I tell Mouse and Moth apart when you use the same initials?

“Sorry Narrator” apologized Danger Mouse,

Apology accepted.

The hologram of Col. K swiftly provided some light on this delicate subject. Literally.

“DM, we’ve finally managed to conjure some courage out of our surveillance unit, this is what they found”

The Mice and Moth looked on horror at what they glimpsed, their friend Penfold taking a nibble at Sqauwkencluck’s fingers, Squawkencluck fainting, Penfold prying the doors open, and then swiftly carrying Squawk out of the lab, before suddenly transforming into a fogey sort of mist that seeped through the walls of the Mayfare h.q.

“Penfold…is…a critter of the night” Danger Mouse said in his best William Shatner impersonation.

“Horrifying” said Danger Moth.

“He must have been turned by Duckula” noted Jeopardy, “Is there any way we can revert him back to normal? And where could he be going?”

“Shouldn’t be too hard to track him, I put a tracer in one of his fillings from that time I dragged him to the dentist in case he ever lost it, I could easily trace it and drag him to the dentist all over again to put it back in” replied Danger Mouse, taking a small tracking device out of his right pocket.

The device began to make an audible beeping sound.

“Ah, it still works a treat, come on, this ought to lead you right to him”

“What do you mean just us?” said a suspicious Jeopardy.

“I’m afraid I have to take my leave of you fine ladies” said DM, as he reached back into his pocket and produced one of the Professor’s latest inventions, a back-episode teleport bracelet, and attached it to his wrist.

“Where could you be going at this crucial minute?” said Jeopardy.

“There’s only one person that knows how to turn Penfold back from villainous vampire to harmless hamster, and that’s the blighter who bit him” said Danger Mouse.

“You’re going to ask for Duckula’s help?” Danger Moth asked in alarm.

“I’m afraid I have no choice” said Danger Mouse.

“Neither do I then” said Jeopardy, and laid out the Mouse with a swift right hook from a clenched and furious fist.

She swiftly descended upon the limp body and pried the teleport bracelet from his wrist, attaching it to her own.

“Are you sure that was necessary?” asked Danger Moth as she knelt over DM’s body and subjected him to some smelling salts to help bring him back around.

“Danger Dimwit never thinks these sort of things through” noted Jeopardy, “The Count’s plans being thwarted earlier will still be fresh in his mind, he won’t think twice about subjecting Danger Mouse to repercussions”

“What advantage do you think you’ll have then?” Danger Moth asked.

“With DM he’ll fancy a bite, it’s with me he’ll just fancy” Jeopardy replied, giving Danger Moth a wink and activating the teleporter.

And so we join Jeopardy as she rolls back several episodes back to Transylvania, where the Count is in the midst of administrating some of his own hot air to a fresh supply of balloons.

Say, why you so insistent on repeating a past crime Count?

“Because, you narrative nimrod, the writers have stuck me with a recycled script, they’re far too lazy to cobble together a fresh scheme for me to concoct. All they care about on their weekends off are complacent little asides for transmitted episodes”

So? Just rebel and doctor the script like you did before.

“I can’t, I need a security pass” The Count said, holding up the script and instructing you, the reader, to imagine a long hard stare at the fine print at the bottom.

I have to say IMAGINE because this story is read only and does not have the benefit of imagery.

“I can help you with that” said a confident Jeopardy as she materialized before the count, startling him, but also leaving him lovelorn and star struck in awe of her splendour.

“Jeopardy, to what do I owe this privilege?”

“I’m here to clean up your mess” Jeopardy revealed.

Duckula let out a sigh of relief.

“About time, the sanitation workers want me to pay for all the bags they bring to store what I’ve got littered around the place” Duckula said, pointing to a mountain of grime and debris.

Jeopardy grabbed his beak and snapped it shut, looking into his eyes with a stealthy glare from her own.

“No, I meant the mess you left poor Penfold in. He’s turned into a vampire and is converting the whole base into a castle”

“What do I get out of it?”

“The only reason you can’t doctor a script is because I made sure to secure them all with a pass code that only I have knowledge of. Help us undo whatever you did to Penfold and you can alter the script to make me say anything you like”

“Anything?” said Duckula.

“Anything”

The Count pondered the possibilities, and gave his answer with a tender pressing of lips to the back of Jeopardy’s right hand.

“I’ll write you a cheque coming in” he joked.

Jeopardy withdrew her hand and rubbed it across her right hand side in disgust.

“Just promise me you won’t make me say something you’ll regret” she said.

“You have my word as a gentle-duck” said Duckula.

Back at H.Q, Moth and Mouse were trying to enter the Colonel’s office.

“It’s no use” Danger Mouse said as he strained to turn the knob, “This door is weighed down in fourteen carrots”

“I didn’t know the colonel’s accommodations were so expensive” Danger Moth replied.

“No I mean Penfold’s wedged fourteen carrots together around the door knob, making it tough to open” Danger Mouse said, correcting her.

The two agents began to notice that the corridors were slowly transforming, becoming much wider, and several portraits of Penfold and Sqauwkencluck, arm in arm, dressed from head to toe in Edwardian era garb standing over mountains of undressed potatoes and both holding muskets loaded with cabbages, lined the walls.

Danger Mouse inspected one of the plaques on the portraits.

“What does it say?” Danger Moth asked.

“This way up” said Danger Mouse, pointing to the sentence and an arrow pointing him in such a direction.

Danger Mouse looked upwards to find the top end of the musk bleed like a three dimensional object out of the canvas. The fearless mouse pressed the edge of the musk in slightly with the tip of his finger.

The door to the Colonel’s office slid to the left and left in its wake a long black passageway. With every step Mouse and Mouth took down it, the steps lit up.

Danger Moth was easily distracted by the bright lights, and hovered joyously over several of the steps, forcing Danger Mouse to grab her by the collar and hold on to her tightly to prevent her from being preoccupied.

Finally, they reached another thin door, Danger Mouse kicked it down and the two fell down a warp hole into a vast chamber alight with all manners of flickering blue, crimson and emerald flames.

At the centre of the room was a small mountain, atop which sat a throne, and perched on that throne was Penfold.

To his right was a bird cage containing Squawkencluck, who had been converted to a vampire, and who was letting out a few high notes and soothing Penfold to sleep.

“He’s asleep, let’s make sure whatever he’s hearing now is exit music” Danger Mouse said, and made a dash towards the mountain throne.

Suddenly, bleeding out from the walls came shadow goblins, each with Penfold’s glasses attached to their faces, a pair of scythes slowly slid out of the thick black coating that formed their hands, they charged without hesitation at Danger Mouse, who stood poised to engage in combat.

Danger Moth took the decision out of his hands, flying overhead, she honed in on him and plucked Danger Mouse up before the shadow goblins could gut him with the scythes.

Penfold, without opening his eyes, snapped his fingers. The bird cage’s doors flew open and the vampire Squawkencluck sprang out, transforming into a bat-like creature and chasing over Danger Moth, digging into the back of her with ferocious pecks from a sharp beak.

Danger Moth was weakened by the continuous pecking and her hold on Danger Mouse slipped and he crash landed at the tip of Penfold’s mountaintop throne, and as he stirred, he found himself face to face with the heinous hamster, now fully awake.

“Cor Chief, you look pale, oh wait, that’s because you’re traditionally white, we’re going to have to put some fresh ketchup in your veins to bring all that colour back to you” Penfold said, cackling.

“Penfold, you’re not yourself, let us help you” Danger Mouse pleaded.

“Will you honour me first Chief?” Penfold said, lunging at his former friend with his sharply tipped green fingers, eager to convert the mouse.

As he did so, Count Duckula and Jeopardy swiftly materialised before him, Jeopardy gave Penfold a ferocious roundhouse kick that sent him reeling, while Duckula transformed into a winged matador, flying up to Squawkencluck, and tempting her bull-headedness with a red blanket.

She ceased her attack on Danger Moth and flew towards the blanket, Duckula swiftly stood aside and Squawkencluck crashed into the side of a wall.

Duckula and Danger Moth joined Danger Mouse and Jeopardy on the mountaintop throne, ready to close in on Penfold, but he had another trick up his sleeve.

Indeed, he produced from his sleeve a sharply tipped piece of steak and threw it like a javelin at Jeopardy.

Duckula threw himself in the line of fire and opened his beak, the steak went through his mouth and lodged in his throat.

“Oh no” cried Jeopardy as Duckula leaned backwards into her arms, weakened greatly and choking.

“There’s one delicacy Vegetarian Vampires fear, and that’s a nice warm meal” said Penfold.

Jeopardy’s memory raced back to earlier in the day, a flash of inspiration came to her.

“Do you have anything left over from the time we spent in the cafeteria?” Jeopardy asked Danger Mouse.

“Just the usual burger I take with me on the way out” he said, producing the burger from his pockets.

“Excellent, your greedy stomach may have saved us all” Jeopardy replied.

“Ready yourself for the end Chief, for tonight we might dine on tomato soup” Penfold replied.

“Doesn’t really have a blood-curdling tone to it does it old chum?” Danger Mouse replied, etching closer and closer to Penfold as he was lulled into a false sense of security through the small chatter.

“Can’t say it does Chief, we’re all so limited by our choice of diet” said Penfold.

“Maybe you need to see an expert on these kind of matters, here, I’ve arranged a meat and greet for you” said Danger Mouse, thrusting the burger into Penfold’s mouth and forcing Penfold to bite down.

Swiftly, Penfold transformed back into his humble hamster self, and the changes made to the Mayfare Mailbox were undone.

Colonel K’s hologram lit up.

“Ah congratulations DM, it’s a good thing I locked myself out of the base earlier, heavens knows what kind of show tunes young Pip-squawk in there would have had me chirping”

“That’s Penfold sir” corrected a perplexed Penfold.

He then turned his attention to Squawkencluck, dusting herself off.

“P-Professor? You’re not mad at are you?” a humble and apologetic Penfold asked of his victim as she observed herself in the mirror inspecting her fangs.

“I know it wasn’t entirely your fault Penfold, but I am going to have to see a shrink” she said.

“Oh no, I’ve mentally scarred her” said Penfold, reduced to a fountain of tears.

Squawkencluck patted him on the head as she reassured him that was not the case.

“No, no, that was short for one of my patented minimising rays, just to bring these large fangs you gave me down to a more manageable level” she said.

“Oh, could you give mine a once-over too?” Penfold asked.

“No, I think you’ll just have to get yours pried out by the dentist, you’ve got to pay some sort of price” Squawkencluck replied.

Penfold laughed, assuming she didn’t mean this.

“I wasn’t joking” Squawkencluck asserted.

Penfold fell silent and hung his head in solemn frustration. Squawk smiled and gave him a hug.

Danger Mouse walked over to Jeopardy as she cradled Duckula’s barely conscious body. She was performing the Heimlich manoeuvre on him.

She eventually succeeded in dislodging the piece of steak trapped in his throat, she reached down into it and pulled it out.

“Jeopardy, are you sure that’s wise? If you make him chew the meat, you stand a chance of converting him back to normal”

“Do you really want to turn a normal vampire loose on this mailbox Mouse?” said Jeopardy.

“Good point” Danger Mouse replied.

“Besides, he’s a vamp, but I love him” she continued.

Realising what she said, and suspicious of what drove her to say it, she withdrew her hold on Duckula just as he sprang right back up.

“Ok Count, you’ve had your fun, now get out of here before the script insists I arrest you” she said.

“What fun? I haven’t written anything yet” Duckula replied.

“You must have written something before we arrived then” she said.

“No, I came here with you as soon as we were both ready” insisted Duckula.

“Wow Jeopardy, I never pegged you as a vampire’s vixen” noted Penfold.

“I’d never be one, he made me say those words” a frustrated Jeopardy said.

Duckula shook his head, then recollected something.

“Oh I almost forgot, I did write something into the script before we arrived” he said.

“Ah ha” she said, glad that her hunch was apparently right.

A bell rang and a bell boy walked into the Colonel’s offices, handing Jeopardy something.

True to the Count’s word, a cheque had come in.

“I told you I’d write you a cheque” he said.

“It’s blank” Jeopardy noted.

“I said I’d write you a cheque coming in, and so it did, I didn’t say anything about money being part of the package

A frustrated Jeopardy chased after him, furious that she had not only let it slip she actually liked him, but that he had cheated her out of a tidy profit for all her troubles in today’s episode.

“Well Duckula, I hope this teaches you a valuable lesson” Danger Mouse cautioned.

“What’s that?” Duckula replied as he narrowly avoided several swipes and kics from Jeopardy

“Never write cheques your mouse can’t cash”

THE END

 

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Danger Mouse-Authors of Pain [Fanfiction]

 

DANGER MOUSE:

AUTHORS OF PAIN

(Contains Spoilers for “Colonel Danger Mouse”)


In the cafeteria of the Danger Agency headquarters, two close friends were exchanging choice words about the world’s most untrustworthy former head agent.

“The nerve of him, the sheer nerve of him” complained Danger Moth as she took another bite of the chips recovered from Baron Greenback’s island resort, beckoning Professor Squawkencluck for a bottle of ketchup.

“You think the nerve of that mouse can unnerve you, think of what his ham-fisted hamster friend said to me as soon as I took charge” she said, reflecting on Penfold critiquing her attempts at preparing the Agency for the chip crisis.

“You’d think the males in this agency would get the memo by now, we don’t need to take instruction from those that can’t take it well themselves” Danger Moth continued, before a sharp pain shot through her mouth.

“Anything the matter?” asked Sqauwkencluck

“I’ve only gone and bit down hard on a tooth I got smoothed over today at the dentist. She told me not to chew down on anything too hard, but after the chewing out I got from the front office, I’m in no real mood to take it easy on anything”

The two girls calmed themselves and sought other topics to cover, but everything came back around to the urgent mission they were presently on.

“You think Col. K was serious when he told us to consume all of the chips transferred back to headquarters?” Danger Moth asked.

“I’m pretty sure this was a command direct from Danger Mouse before he stepped down” replied Squawkencluck.

“The absolute madmouse, is he aware of the figure I’m trying to keep?” Danger Moth responded, once more slightly irritated.

Danger Mouse entered the cafeteria, opting to inspect how the mission he had placed upon the Agency’s finest was coming along.

Danger Moth spotted him, and steadily rose from her seat, planning to sneak up upon the agent who’s brash ego had gotten in the way of her attempts to prevent landmarks from being shrunk and collected by Greenback.

Squawkencluck grabbed her arm and gave her a stealthy and cautionary gaze, urging her to sit perfectly still and not cause much incident.

Danger Mouse turned and spotted Danger Moth resume her seat, and waved over to her.

“I was hoping I’d find you here” he said.

“I was hoping to do my job without you looming over my shoulder instructing me on how to pull it off sir” Danger Moth replied venomously.

Danger Mouse sighed, “Yes, about that, I wanted to apologize Danger Moth, it was my confidence getting in the way of your expertise. I should have trusted you to do things your way”

“Your confidence? That’s what you’re calling your ego these days?” replied Danger Moth.

Danger Mouse let out an unnerved chuckle.

“My ego? Don’t be ridiculous, we’re all conditioned to be a little selfless you know” he said.

“Then you won’t mind me being a little selfless now, have a handful on me mate” Danger Moth said, grabbing a plateful of chips, mashing them up in her hands, and thrusting them in Danger Mouse’s mouth.

DM buckled and spat them all out in rapid-fire succession, pinning Danger Moth to the wall.

Squwkencluck couldn’t help but laugh, which reminded her of what she and Penfold had gotten up to when Danger Mouse had first taken up duties at Col. K’s desk dressed in the un-snazziest of suits.

Being reminded of sharing laughter together compelled Squwkencluck to get up and seek Penfold out, with the aim of apologizing.

Danger Mouse walked over to the stricken Danger Moth and pulled her off the wall.

“Apologies again for this particular serving” said Danger Mouse.

Danger Moth looked a little down.

“No, I still think you’re at fault sir, but I should not have stepped out of line like that, especially when I read the report on how you used that same technique to put things right and apprehend the Baron” Danger Moth replied.

“Perhaps I can serve you better this evening, with a little of that earl grey mix you look to cosy up to during first run episodes of Quality Street, and some mash to go with it”

“I hope you’re not going to make the mash off the writing on this wall” Danger Moth joked, pointing to the regurgitated concoction that she had been pried away from.

“I think we’ve authored enough pain between us for one taxing day” assured Danger Mouse, and kissed her right hand.

Danger Moth let him cross his right arm with hers and lead her out of the dining room.

Batman Beyond-Everything Tips (Fanfiction)

p209814_b_v8_ac

BATMAN BEYOND:

EVERYTHING TIPS

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS

NOTE: This contains spoilers for BATMAN AND HARLEY


Commissioner Barbara Gordon was waiting patiently for a phone call; she didn’t have much time for a call of any other kind.

But, sure enough, there he was, his colossal Batmobile hovering outside, its pilot perched atop it in an upright position, arms folded.

“She’s picked them up. Thought you’d like to know” the pilot said.

”Bruce keeping track of police bail out records McGuiness…or you?” said Barbara.

”I figure I’d finally get some practice in that regard, Bruce is still a little shaky from what the boss of those twin clowns put him through” Terry McGuiness, the Batman of this future time, replied.

“Well it’s good to know my sources still come from those close to my chest, even if they seek to tug a little bit at my heart in a more wrenching manner”

“I’m not here to argue…we just patched the family up” Terry replied

“Some of the family maybe…but that’s why you came isn’t it? To learn a bit more about the missing members…the pieces of the puzzle”

“Those twins grandmother was Harley Quinzel…you told me she went off the grid when The Joker died the first time. Fell off a building. Body wasn’t recovered. You lied” Terry revealed.

“Harley posed no threat without The Joker” Barbara insisted, taking a sip of her coffee.

“Her next kin proved just as volatile in place of her when he did show up again” Terry continued.

“Kids are a handful…Bruce should know by now. I never will”

“That a personal choice or something else happen?” Terry asked, doing exactly what Barbara had feared and taking shots where he could. He couldn’t help his impulsiveness; he had gone through a harrowing experience that had left a man close to him in a bad way.

Barbara put down her coffee and stood up, greeting Terry at the window and giving him her usual manner of composed ferociousness. Not raising a voice, but making sure her disappointment in him could be felt with each utterance of a collected word.

“Kid, if there’s one overriding emotion in this world, its guilt. Guilt can pull you away from so many people. So can insecurity. The closer you get, the scar tissue can be seen, you have to set boundaries for yourself eventually, make sure you take the time to enjoy a relationship, and don’t let it stray too far from your work. I know that’s hard to find in your line of duty, but find the balance…you’ve got plenty of guilt, so make sure you have plenty of love to go with it, and try to spread it around”.

“Are you married to your husband, or your job?” asked Terry.

Barbara felt the sting of the accusation, but chose to ignore it.

“You want to know why I lied. Because a little piece is what you and Bruce deserve, a little glimmer of a clear path down your journey into night. Besides, it was the best I could do for someone close to me”

“Who’s that?” Terry replied.

“That’d be me” said a voice from behind her. Barbara turned around; Terry looked on in shock as he recognized him.

“No way, is that…” Terry responded at the older man leaning within the frame of the doorway to Barbera’s office.

“So that’s Bruce’s new toy…he doesn’t look half chewed yet” the man replied.

“I told you to stay out the record” Barbara replied.

“Since when do I listen to the bats in my belfry Commissioner?” the man replied.

“Dick Grayson” Terry said in recognition, “I thought you were stationed in Bludhaven”

“I commute now and then, me and my wife like to check in on family…and I have more than one to take care of”

“Bruce and you parted on bad terms, I know that much” Terry said.

“Twice on bad terms, and yeah, the last sting’s kind of lingered in all that time, but what happened to him shook Barbara up, and anything that concerns her will always concern me”

“What does your wife have to say about that?” Terry replied, putting his deduction skills to visible use.

Barbara was fully prepared to end the conversation here and there, but the egos of both men were in lockstep. Neither would budge from their engagement in banter.

“My wife’s got her own cares in the world. Poisonous ones, but other cares. She understands”

“Does Sam?” Terry asked of Barbra. She stayed silent.

Terry began to clamber back into the Batmobile, giving the pair of them a glance.

“Guilt and love can’t be balanced this way. Eventually, everything tips. You know what it’s called then? Justice”

The Batmobile dashed off, becoming one with the night as it blended seamlessly into it.

The phone rang. Barbara looked over at Dick, Dick nodded, she picked it up.

“Sam…Hi, listen, I…have to work late tonight. Yeah, it’s the shift…it can be a dick” she replied, before hanging up.

“Come with me to the hospital, we can tell Bruce…” she began, Dick cut her off.

“He’ll flip if we tell him, and you shouldn’t let his kid pull at you like that. He’s got a lot of growing to do himself” Dick replied

“He tends to raise the blackest curtains Dick, he’s the best of us, what he’s done with Bruce is miraculous, I wish you’d let me show you” Barbara pleaded.

“Harley told me she was heading home in an hour after she and the grandkids spent some time with Ivy. She doesn’t see her half as much as we see each other”

“Funny isn’t it? How it all started between you two…her on the outs with The Joker, you wanting a little nugget of information, her just wanting a nugget off you…”

“She was having one of her on days…went back to Joker when she turned her inner light off, didn’t tell him about the bun she’d cooked in the oven just before they got back together…had to keep pretty quiet about that when I moved me and Stephanie to Bludhaven”

“You patched her up after that horrible night with Tim…Bruce was livid, but you knew without that clown’s influence, the light inside of her would come on again”

“It pays in more ways than one to have a lunatic with a lightswitch” Dick joked.

Barbara kissed him on the lips, wrapping her arms around him. After the embrace, they stared, out at the calm and still evening outside, holding their hands tightly together.

“Do you think everyone in this city comes to know some kind of justice in the end?” She asked.

“There’s other cares in this world Babs. As for Justice…that’s up to God”

“That’s not what Bruce calls himself in his sleep” joked Barbra.

“There’s a comforting thought” replied Dick.

 

Bob’s Burgers-An Expected Hit

belchers

BOB’S BURGERS

AN EXPECTED HIT


“How far do I have to be?” asked Bob.

“Just a few inches more Bob” Linda replied, Bob slowly backing away from the restaurant.

“Lyn, you’re kind of backing me up onto the road here”

“That’s the point silly, now raise the ad up high” Linda instructed.

Bob raised a placard he held in his hand, with the word HIT scribbled on it, with a triangle in the middle.

Lyn, I really don’t want to hold up any traffic here

Oh you’ll be peachy Bob, now hold still while I take the shot

The Belcher children swiftly arrived on the scene

“Whoa Mom, you trying to get Dad whacked or something? Louise asked, taking note of the sign Bob was holding

“No, nothing of the sort kids, we’re just trying to move some business along”

“Lyn, come on” Bob said, as a few cars had already stopped dead in their tracks, their drivers aggressively telling him to move off the road.

“Looks to me that the traffic isn’t moving along” said Louise.

“Mom, what’s with the triangle on the sign?” said Tina.

“It requires an eye, like on the corrupt dollar bill” said Gene.

“Now Gene, what did we tell you about not taking the whole root of all evil thing seriously? ” Linda cautioned.

“I will not sleep soundly with a sound mind, my hats are made of tin for a reason. Assure me this is the work of the devil or I will be no angel today”

“Gene, I’m docking your pay for that remark” Linda said, annoyed.

Gene sulked.

“No, really mom, what’s with the triangle?” Tina asked

“It’s pointing to the restaurant, it says hit because that’s what the recent food reviews in the papers called us”. said Linda

” Whoa, whoa, wait Mom…that’s meant to be an arrow from a front angle?” Louise asked, slightly bamboozled.

“Yeah, the idea is we list the name of the street we’re on, take a picture of the road in the town, post it online and then the customers who view it on their apps and whatnot can pinpoint where it is.

Wouldn’t it have made more sense to write the name of the business on the sign? By just having it read ‘here’, you’re not giving it much information

“And if anything, the fact the rival restaurant is right behind him will probably make everyone think he’s advertising THAT” Louise pointed out

“Linda, they’re honking at me” cried out Bob, “I also think one of them’s contemplating stepping out of his car, yep, he’s rolling up his sleeves. The sleeves are rolled. ”

“I think you should give Dad the all clear Mom”

Louise suddenly felt someone tug at her skirt, she peered around and found pocket-size Rudy from school commanding her attention

“Oh, hey Rudy, fancy meeting you here”

“I wanted to give you this” Rudy said, handing Louise a thank you card. Louise read the message aloud.

“Be it small, regular, or large, you make everything feel fun size”

“Oh gee, that’s sweet of him…this is for saving him from those loons who loomed over him at lunch right? ” Tina asked.

“Yeah, thanks short stuff, it was my honour” Louise said, rubbing her hand across Rudy’s hair and scruffiying it up a tad.

“Aw, my little angel’s looking out for all her little cupcakes that begin with the same name”

“Don’t read into it Mom” Louise said, trying to cover her tracks. Linda gave her a knowledgeable stare, respecting her daughter’s desire to keep her true feelings for a Rudy of the regular kind private.

“Linda, for god’s sake, just write the address on the sign next time” Bob said

“Ok Bob, come away from the traffic, the kids have gotten me to change my mind”

Bob walked back, apologizing profusely to the drivers. It had been, however, too late to appease one of them, who had levelled his face with a mean right hook.

“We’re really going to have to hold family meetings if we’re going to plan big boosts for business” Bob said. Linda walked over to him and nursed his black eye.

“I guess this campaign led to a most expected hit” said Tina.

Doctor Who-My Angel

Zygon

Photographs.

Prior to the sensations one experiences with the real thing, it is photographs that are your infant footsteps into the mists of time.

The day you’re born, the day you marry, the day life you’ve yourself created comes to life, and the cycle repeats.

All of it contained in photographs.

In her attack on Bannermen Road, Sarah Jane Smith was looking over one such photograph, trying to solve a puzzle. She had been resisting a desire to sort it out at later date, but something was compelling her to examine it more thoroughly now.

It had been sent to her via a time/space telegram courtesy of her computer Mr. Smith, who had intercepted it. The photograph, a colourful photo of what appeared to be a bright and bustling summer’s day, two young and energized people standing still in the midst of a traffic jam surrounding a vast futuristic city with golden spires and lush gardens growing from every rooftop.

They stood transfixed, one holding the other tightly, beside him a small grey and white cylinder.

It was tranquil, it allowed her present mood to settle.

She turned back to her computer to resume her Skype call, all too suddenly reminded why she had put off her examination.

“You alright Mum?” Luke Smith asked as they continued their online chat.

“Tell me more about this Earl ‘Early’ Ladd” she asked

“Well, he kind of got that nickname from how early his social care buddies always were with him. He’s sort of become the envy of the rest of the dorm at the moment, his carers caught wind one of his interests was professional wrestling, so they found someone who had connections with the business and were keen to give him an opportunity to interview them”

“Oh my, I hope he doesn’t feel too overwhelmed” a concerned Sarah asked

“He did sort of vent to me about it, he said he was starting to feel less like a person and more of a project, something for the programme to brag about if he ever achieved success through those opportunities”

“He should make that clear to his carers then, when’s this interview due?”

“It’s just past midnight, so sometime this afternoon, Saturday the twenty-ninth, the choice is entirely up to him”

Luke couldn’t help but notice that Sarah Jane was starting to look a bit distant. Her eyes had widened, her face looked visibly fragile. She peered over at a calendar and let out a small giggle.  Luke kept his eyes trained on her eyes.

“Mum?” he asked

“Oh don’t mind me, it’s silly” she said.

“No, it’s sad” came a voice from behind her.

Sarah turned around to find a lean, tall, somewhat elder man standing in front of a bulky police call box situated in the centre of the loft.

“Mum…is that…” Luke began as he recognized the police box as belonging to a friend of the family, The Doctor.

Sarah swiftly turned back to the computer and cut him off.

“We’ll talk later, ok? You be a good boy and pop off to bed, dream of the next day, or the day before, pick and choose, just don’t worry about tonight”

“Any dream will do” said the man.

“But Mum…” Luke spoke.

“I love you” Sarah continued.

With a punch of a key, the Skype chat was cut off, and Sarah turned to address her visitor.

“Yes, well, memories can be sad as well as kind I suppose” she said

“Tell me what’s wrong” The Doctor replied

“It’s an important date today, surprised you remembered it” Sarah said, folding her arms.

“I count all the anniversaries…none of them get past me” The Doctor replied.

“We both know from experience some people evade time” Sarah replied.

“Not always by choice Sarah” The Doctor responded.

“That photograph you sent me…from the far future correct?”

“Correct” said The Doctor.

“Who’s future is it? Yours, or mine?”

“There’s a third answer to that”

“Yes, well I’m not entertaining it”

“Yes, I imagine you wouldn’t” The Doctor remarked.

“I shouldn’t even have asked you the first question” Sarah replied.

“Days like these to a time traveller…they provide all sorts of questions,  even the answers are riddles to us all” The Doctor answered back.

“Is that why you’ve come…to help us sort something out? Keep that future in place, or are we to prevent it from happening?”

“That would entail running towards something, I just dropped in to say why I’m not dropping in on this day a lifetime ago…why it has to be me”

“Why?”

“I got careless Sarah…incredibly careless. Something happened at the Olympic Games last year for you…so many years past for  me now”

“I saw it on the news, you carrying the torch, I was beaming with pride” Sarah replied.

” I was there twice that day Sarah, a runner with the torch came under attack. I saved him”

“Saved him from what?”

“I delivered him from Angels” The Doctor replied, walking over to a table and flicking small traces of dust from atop it.

“So what was the problem?”

“The Angel found its way into the TARDIS, it gathered up as much artron energy  as it could muster and it hid itself away,  lurked undetected and followed us all the way back to Manhattan where we dealt with other Angels…and when we tucked time back into place, it picked it’s moment to strike…and it took them Sarah, my friends…sacrificed to it…’my Angel'”

“Is that how you lost her?” Sarah asked, knowing what this meant.

“She chose her heart over her head, it’s love, it triumphs, that’s all I can take from this”

“You must tire so easily these days”

“Of what?” The Doctor asked

“Of how many times your hearts break”

“So many of them stray so far beyond me…this one was different, this one encouraged me to go on..just for a bit longer”

“And you did?” Sarah asked.

“Eventually, life sent forth a spark, one that lit the milky way, it will take a very special star in the eye of another to match what I saw in that…whoever that may be, I intend to give their name and their face a place in my memory”

“You’ve forgotten the last one? You?” Sarah said, slightly aghast.

“It surprises even me too”

“But you remember the feelings that person gave you, it’s strong…as strong as when you said…”

She trailed off, not wanting to add further tension, The Doctor opted to finish her sentence for her

“…As strong as when I said goodbye to  you. You and one other”

“Other? There was another?” Sarah asked.

“Her name was River…” The Doctor replied.

A chap came from the TARDIS doors, The Doctor’s plump and oafish assistant Nardole stepped forward.

“Interrupting am I?” he asked.

“Hopefully it’s with good news” The Doctor remarked.

Nardole waved to Sarah, who nimbly waved back.

“Doctor, the temporal tears over Manhattan were made of the same artron storms as those over Coal Hill”

“Are you trying to tell me our attempts to deflect the tears caused them to bounce off one continental radius to another?”

“Were they supposed to?” asked Nardole.

“I’ve got to get over there as soon as possible, someone may lose an arm or a leg over all this” The Doctor remarked, and ushered Nardole back into the TARDIS.

He took a look back at Sarah.

“I’m on call” he said.

“Do your duty” she said.

Before he entered The TARDIS, The Doctor froze, and looked back up at her.

“When River and I last parted…I said goodbye, but I never called her mine. She’d kill me if I ever claimed her as my property”

“It’s never been about property Doctor, it’s always been about the promise. Promise me you’ll be safe…that you’ll always be safe”

“Goodbye, my Sarah Jane” The Doctor replied, permitting himself a wry smile, before entering his faithful ship.

As he began punching in co-ordinates and cross-examining tears settling across the Manhattan and Coal Hill skyline, Nardole saw fit to intercede again.

“You know I was running a background check on that photograph you sent Ms. Smith and I was fascinated by it, apparently it’s meant to be a representation of a secret commitment ceremony that Time Lords make to those they consider compatible soul mates that they are torn from by time and duty …was there any particular reason you…”

“If I were you, I’d just answer the call” The Doctor remarked.

“That didn’t work out so well for Melissa McCarthy” remarked Nardole.

The TARDIS dematerialized, leaving Sarah Jane Smith to tend to her moist eyes, her tense emotions, her photograph, and her eternal promise.

“God speed my Doctor…….MY angel” she whispered.

 

Doctor Who-Leave The Dead To Dust [A Short Screenplay]

Zygon

“LEAVE THE DEAD TO DUST”

A SHORT SCREEN PLAY BASED OFF OF “HELL BENT”

 

  1. EXT- DESERT-DAY

Several Gallifreyan younglings are playing a game of tag with one another when a stern, commanding middle-aged woman urges them to seek shelter within-she has spotted someone approaching in the distance.

This person- THE DOCTOR- his coat slung over his shoulder, his head flooded with sweat under the searing sun of his homeworld. He has walked many miles and the fatigue is visible on his weary head.

Still, he walks with purpose, heading towards the hut. It is a place very familiar to him-very personal-he begins to reminisce…

CUT TO-

  1. INT-HUT-NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

Flashback to “LISTEN”, where CLARA OSWALD’s familiar voice sooths the frightened and distressed YOUNG DOCTOR. She assures him all is well.

CUT BACK TO:

  1. EXT-DESERT-DAY

A CLOSE UP OF THE DOCTOR’S FACE,  there is clear and visible anger here…a man driven to his limits. Clara’s voice can still be heard to echo all around our ears.

CUT TO:

  1. INT-HUT-DAY

The Doctor enters the hut and is greeted by the woman, the younglings cowering behind her. CLOSE UPs of their frightened faces. The woman looks concerned…for a moment.

The Doctor does not say a word. He lets his eyes do the talking. 

The Woman’s facial expressions go through a series of expressions-curiosity turns to excitement-she recognizes him!

Then, as quickly as that expression appears-it’s gone, as a looming dread washes over her.

Her hesitation to speak ends abruptly.

WOMAN:

They’ll kill you

CUT TO:

OPENING TITLES

CUT BACK TO:

  1. EXT-GALLIFREYAN CAPITAL-DAY

Within the domed capital of the planet GALLIFREY, we see panic on the streets as the familiar tolling of CLOISTER BELLS ring from every corner of the city. 

We PAN UPWARDS from the streets of the city to a majestic ,gleaming TOWERING STRUCTURES. Buildings belonging to the most elite and privileged of Gallifreyan society-THE HIGH COUNCIL OF TIME LORDS.

We steadily ZOOM IN on the central tower. Peering out of the structure is a robed figure- a stressed and perturbed expression on his features, his head resting against the metallic hand he has leaned on the glass of the window giving him a view of the city

CUT TO:

  1. INT-HIGH COUNCIL CHAMBER

It is a frantic and bustling scene as Time Lords of supreme stature receive a visit from the captain of the CHANCELLERY GUARDS. He leans down on one knee and bows before the assembled Time Lords

GUARD CAPTAIN:

My Lord President

The President turns from the window to address the captain

LORD PRESIDENT

The entire cloister is ringing Captain Gastron…how many of the Wraiths are active?

GASTRON:

All of them sir.

LORD PRESIDENT

Then we are facing great danger

Another of the assembled Time Lords, THE GENERAL, last seen in “DAY OF THE DOCTOR”,  intercedes

THE GENERAL:

What of The Doctor?

GASTRON:

Returned  to his roots sir, the orphanage just east of the capital.

LORD PRESIDENT:

Despatch a squadron to retrieve him immediately.

The General takes The President aside

GENERAL:

Lord President, I have been in contact with Karn. Ohlia of the Sisterhood requests an audience

LORD PRESIDENT (angry)

They are exiles, cut off from our society, they should have no influence on the affairs of this planet!

GENERAL:

Now is not the time to remind us of how divided we are. The hybrid is a danger that threatens all corners of the Universe.

The President’s ire is quick to fade , his face one of solemn resignation to the matter at hand.

LORD PRESIDENT

Very well

CUT TO:

  1. INT-BARN-DAY

The Doctor is enjoying a piping hot bowl of soup. The Woman keeps the children at arm’s length, watching The Doctor silently. The Doctor does not say a word, he takes a few spoonfuls.

One child chooses to be brave and breaks off from the sheltered group to ask The Doctor a question

CHILD

You’re sad. Most sad. I can see it in your eyes. Why is this so?

The Doctor stares coldly at the child, there is no compassion even in moments where there should be.

The Woman pulls the child back, The Doctor resumes his meal.

A distant rumble can be heard in the distance. Steadily, the noise gets louder, the table and soup bowl begins to shake.

Some of the children begin to talk amongst themselves. Some are frightened.

THE WOMAN

Wait here

She exits through the main door, the bright and searing sunlight seeps into the room, illuminating The Doctor. The children remain transfixed by him…and somehow all their fears evaporate

The Woman steps back into the barn, she steadily approaches The Doctor, anxious, but resolute.

THE WOMAN

They’ve come for you

The Doctor stares back at the children. He slowly rises to his feet and walks up to the Woman.

THE DOCTOR

Tell them everything will be alright

The Woman finally permits herself a grin. The children smile too. Though his soul is lost, The Doctor is not without heart.

The Doctor pats the Woman tenderly on the shoulder and opens the door

CUT TO:

  1. EXT-BARN-DAY

The Doctor peers out of the door to find a small platoon of Gallifreyan storm troopers awaiting him. Towering high above them is a Gallifreyan assault ship, it’s weapons firmly and locked on to the soil on which The Doctor stands.

The leader of the platoon, BESTRAL, approaches The Doctor and extends his hand in a gesture of friendship

 BESTRAL

Doctor, I am Captain Bestral, on behalf of the high council, I welcome you back…

The Doctor has no time for pleasantries, especially from this type of person. He quickly takes a few steps backwards back into the barn and slams the door firmly shut, leaving the guards flabbergasted.

BESTRAL

Put me through to the High Council

CUT TO:

  1. INT-HIGH COUNCIL CHAMBER-DAY

Bestral is granted an audience with the assembled Time Lords. The President a tad overeager for progress to be made. His iron gauntlet shimmers with sheer power as if to more clearly convey his frustration as he tries to maintain a sense of composure.

LORD PRESIDENT

Why do you delay?

BESTRAL

                 He is being… difficult…Lord President, as you had foreseen

The President turns to The General, his features contorted as he juggles disbelief and paranoia.

LORD PRESIDENT

What does he want?

THE GENERAL

What any victim of the confession trials want and seldom never receive my Lord…a reckoning.

CUT TO:

  1. INT-BARN-DAY

The child that had noted The Doctor’s sadness from earlier spots the Time Lord searching through a casket. He removes several items, including several fob watches and an Edwardian era Jacket. At one point, he finds a packet of Jelly Babies. He takes a few out and offers them to the boy.

THE DOCTOR

Care for one?

CHILD

No one’s supposed to touch anything in there

THE DOCTOR

Because a grownup said so?

CHILD

We have to obey orders, they say we’ll become soldiers one day

THE DOCTOR

How long has it been since this planet last saw war?

CHILD

They say war is as eternal as time.

THE DOCTOR

And just like time…it inevitably passes.

The Doctor finds what he is looking for, a musical instrument, a wooden, six string guitar, he plays a solemn version of Clara’s theme on it. The children all gather around him as he plays, transfixed by the occasion. Even The Woman, trying to maintain a semblance of structure and attempting to pry the children’s attention away from The Doctor, cannot help but be moved.

CHILD

There was such sadness in your eyes…now there is pain in this song. This one, does it have a name?

The Doctor spots something in the crate, the small soldier figurine from “Listen”, he stares at it, a sense of longing in his ancient face

THE DOCTOR

I think it’s called…Clara

A voice from behind the door swiftly interrupts them

BESTRON

Doctor, this is your last warning. Accompany us to the capital, or we will be forced to remove you from this dwelling by force

CHILD

What are you going to do?

The Doctor begins playing a different track on the guitar, “Excuse Me While I Kiss The Sky”

THE DOCTOR

Don’t worry, it’s empty words. I trust them to follow their conscious. They know what I did in the last war.

CHILD

What did you do?

THE DOCTOR

I did some counting

  1. INT-HIGH COUNCIL CHAMBER

We find the President  is again in great distress, his frustration knows no limits as the guards delay outside the hut

LORD PRESIDENT

Who do they think he is to warrant more delay?

THE GENERAL

The man who won the time war sir

Ohlia and the Sisterhood of Karn enter the chamber, flanked by guards

OHLIA

I see The Doctor’s homecoming has not come without it’s inevitable problems

LORD PRESIDENT

He blame us for the horrors he faced in the confession dial

OHLIA

No, not at all..he just blames YOU

CUT TO:

  1. INT-HUT-DAY

The Doctor is perched on a straw bed, hearing the music he’d been playing earlier played back to him by the child, who he is now allowing to play with the guitar. He hears another loud hum overhead. He steadily rises to his feet, he seems to know this is the kind of  house call he had been desiring. His reckoning is here

  1. EXT-HUT-DAY

The President of the Time Lords, flanked by Bestron and his guards, stand outside the hut

  1. INT-HUT-DAY

The Doctor takes the Edwardian jacket from the pile left on the floor and puts it on. He make his way to the door. The woman and children are there to greet him. The woman is conflicted, not wanting to defy the President, but does not desire The Doctor to give himself up when he has brought much joy to her children.

WOMAN

He’s waiting for you…I don’t think we should delay any further. If you knew the stories about what he can do…I don’t wish for that on the boys, you understand of course.

THE DOCTOR

Yes. I know. This is where we part, thank you for all you’ve done for me

The child, still holding the guitar in his right hand, tugs at The Doctor’s coat with his left.

CHILD

Will we see you again?

THE DOCTOR

In time…and maybe in space. It’s a big universe. You could do with running straight into it when you’re older

The Doctor pats the child on the head and boldly takes steps to exit the Hut.

CUT TO:

  1. EXT-HUT-DAY

The bright searing Gallifreyan sunlight bursts forth and some of its rays illuminate the tense showdown between The Doctor and the President

LORD PRESIDENT

We did not go to this much trouble for you to create discord upon your return

THE DOCTOR

Get off my planet

The President laughs

LORD PRESIDENT

You have no gratitude. Were it not for my orders, you would not standing before me now with a new face…a new life

THE DOCTOR

This face is old, this life is scarred. Also by your orders. Another life has been lost. I do not forget these deeds.

LORD PRESIDENT

Your companion’s death was a result of her own reckless overconfidence

THE DOCTOR

You set a trap for me and she walked straight into it

LORD PRESIDENT

We required your assistance

THE DOCTOR

You could have summoned me

LORD PRESIDENT

And give our location away to our enemies? We are more vulnerable now than ever Doctor, we have seen much conflict since returning to this universe. Many have tried to stand in Gallifrey’s ruins.

THE DOCTOR

There were other ways

LORD PRESIDENT

You would have been difficult to deal with if merely summoned. You may not have been willing to tell us all you know about the Hybrid, a danger to us all

THE DOCTOR

The Hybrid was a story

LORD PRESIDENT

Every story ever told is history Doctor, history that has either been prevented by us, or history that is bound to happen if we leave it unchecked

THE GENERAL

You said you were the Hybrid Doctor

THE DOCTOR

Yes I did, and no, I didn’t. Have you been paying attention to history?

LORD PRESIDENT

Tell us what you know

THE DOCTOR

Get off my planet

LORD PRESIDENT

Gallifrey is mine

The President raises his iron glove, it begins to glow

THE GENERAL

Lord President, please, this is not the way

THE DOCTOR

No, let him sic his mitten on me, it’s bringing out the colour in those ice-cold cheeks

LORD PRESIDENT

I do not jest Doctor, I shall go to any lengths to get the truth. In the confession dial you died time and again…and where we come from, time has no desire to leave the dead alone.

The Doctor stands firm, we continuously CUT BETWEEN CLOSE-UPS of the two staring intently at each other, neither backing down from what they mean or say.

Finally, one Time Lord can stand it no longer.

GENERAL

Lord President, do not-

The President unleashes a sudden burst of energy from his glove, the General throws himself into the line of fire and becomes a smouldering wisp of smoke and ash.

The Doctor catches the President unawares with a firm right hook, the President falls to the floor, The Doctor places one foot soundly on his glove as guards swarm over them

The Doctor removes the President’s glove

THE DOCTOR

Take a look at what he is willing to do here, make a choice.

The Doctor stares at the remnants of the General’s clothes, a pained yet stern and commanding presence on his face as he recalls the smoke pouring from Clara’s corpse in “FACE THE RAVEN”

The soldiers drop their weapons and pick up the fallen President, restraining him, their choice made

LORD PRESIDENT

I am Rassilon, the redeemer, Rassilon the resurrected, Gallifrey is mine. You will obey me!

THE DOCTOR

Noone is your servant and you are not The Master, and I mean that quite literally. You do not rule over these men or any other. Not any longer.

Rassilon is taken back to his ship, he looks over at the children staring back at him. The young boy plays ‘Excuse Me While I Kiss The Sky’ on the guitar

THE DOCTOR

Nicely played kid.

BESTRAL:

My Lord Doctor, shall I order the potion mixers back at the capital to prepare the General for resurrection?

THE DOCTOR

No, no soldier, he’s  earned his rest. Even as it comes to claim us all, it’s best for life and time if we merely leave the dead to dust.