I decided to insert the “No Good Deed” Deadpool short into the actual Deadpool 2 feature, and tried to transistion from that to when he heads towards the taxi, I intended to convey that the people responsible for murdering the homeless man were now after Wade for. I also took the opertunity to place Cable’s introduction at the beginning of the movie.
So yeah, here’s a try-out for another Turbo: A Power Rangers movie edit. I’ve opted to remove most of the opening act and open on Alpha detecting that Lerigot has arrived on Earth, and with the Rangers visiting Rocky in the hospital, with his back injury happening off-screen, I feel it gives the movie a more sombre feel. Also included is Bulk and Skull’s only appearance in this entire edit, as I cut out everything to do with their abduction and brainwashing.
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
“It was the faint sound of tiny footsteps that set him off that cold day in 2016” Louise said to the huddled group of keen and curious children gathered outside the restaurant.
“He didn’t quite catch it at first, but as the steps grew steadily louder, he found himself drawn closer and closer to the inky grey fog that blocked out all other sights, but never the sounds” she continued, sensing that her story was prickling away at the tender necks of her audience. She closed in for the kill
“Whatever he hears, he sets his sights on seeing, whatever commotion is going on, he intends to give you something to shout about, he…he…”
She set eyes to the right of her, waiting for something to come into gaze. Shortly enough, she got what she wanted. Bang on time.
The individual turned the corner, entered the street, and froze in his tracks as he saw the gathering before him.
“Not again” he whispered.
“…He’s right there, he’s come out of the fog, and he hears everything you’ve been up to” Louise cried out, pointing her finger at the remaining kids.
“Do you know where your parents are? Because they’re wondering just what it is their kids did last summer…YOU know, now so does HE, and no matter what you’ve done, he’s gonna say it’s ok. Don’t trust him; because it’s not gonna be ok. Never. EVER.”
The panicked kids saw this as their moment to depart in a hurry, scattering in a variety of directions, and out of sight of the perplexed police officer.
Bob peered out of the restaurant window to see nobody there except Louise and the cop. He stepped outside.
“Can I help you Officer?” he asked.
“Yes, please sir, could you kindly put a leash on your daughter?” he asked
“Leash jokes now? Oh you’re sick” said Louise.
“What’s this about?” said Bob.
“Yeah, ask and he’ll tell, Rudy sure as hell can’t at the moment” said Louise
“Louise, honey, Rudy’s fine, he was looking for you this morning, where were you?” asked Bob.
“I was down at the pound, I was looking for Chester” she said
“Whatever for?” said Bob.
“To treat him like the dog he is” said Louise.
“Yes, that’s what I was coming over to talk to you about. They figured it might as well be me that came to see your folks after we caught you harassing the animals on the CCTV cameras” said the cop, looking rather flustered as a kid crept up on him and kicked him in the leg before scurrying off.
“ONE animal and boy what an animal, an animal this cretin let back into society after declaring it wasn’t dangerous”
“Oh, so that’s why you’re telling all these haunting stories about the guy is it?” Bob realized, kneeling down and gripping a shaken Louise’s shoulders. “Louise, calm down, he’s just part of the system is all, he was the one releasing it back to his owner, and the people at the pound had declared the dog was safe. Blame them”
“Take on the whole system? Are you nuts, I go after things one piece at the time. Tear down the whole wall and society gets twisted a lot quicker, there’s no control over that, and you know me Dad, I’m a control freak”
“And someone who obviously cares enough for the men she controls in her life to take things too far with people who have jobs to do and need people to trust in them” said Bob, trying to instil some wisdom in his daughter.
“I have things I need to do, can I trust you to keep an eye on your daughter while I patrol the area?” said the cop.
“Sure, sure, just, the next time, try to be around kittens next time”
“The ones in trees?” said the cop sarcastically
“Yeah…well you don’t need to be snarky about it”
“Don’t tell me what my needs are, you need to focus on your daughter’s needs” argued the cop.; Louise stuck her tongue out at him.
“What exactly does my daughter need?” said Bob.
“Discipline for one thing” said the cop.
“Oh I’ve been as patient as I can be with you; you don’t want to see the wrecking ball, no sir”
“It’s true, she knows where one is. Construction sites just a couple of blocks back. She’s been in the seat. Had to pry her from it. She knows how to move it. I was a bit slow” said Bob.
The cop threw his hands in the air and opted to storm off, realizing his words were falling on what he gathered to be deaf or plain ignorant ears.
“Rudy almost died dad” Louise said, a little hint of dread in her voice.
“Minor scratches Louise” Bob reassured her, “He thought it was a pretty exciting moment when the dog went for him”
“Yeah, but he’s an adrenaline junkie, which is going to kill him if he doesn’t realize that soon” said Louise
“Hey, you’ll be there to hold his hand, and his inhaler, if he needs it, you know? You two are glued to the hip; you’ll pull him back from the edge”
“Yeah, but I totally wanna jump off the edge myself sometimes, just don’t want to smash any cupcakes on the way down” Louise said, partially giggling as some assertively positive thoughts got the better of her and sent a ticking sensation to her tummy.
“He can handle it, not everything’s sugar, sometimes there’s a lot of spice, that’s you that is, come on, let’s resume adding actual spice to our way of life” Bob joked, hoisting Louise up on his shoulders and carrying her back into the restaurant to prepare some spicy chicken burgers.
A little late, I had originally intended to release this back in spring, but other projects distracted me. No time, time, time, time…
…Oh no, not again!
…No time like the present
THE FIRST DOMINO
At the breakfast table, the Belchers were discussing the day before, a day where a decision had been made, a vow taken by the youngest of them.
“So this is a bit of a turning point isn’t it?” said Bob
“Definitely” replied Louise to her father.
“No more turkeys, even for thanksgiving?” Louise’s older sister Tina added as she poured cereal into each of the children’s bowls.
“Gene would you like milk with that?” said Tina.
Gene shook his head.
“If she’s off turkeys, I’m off what they produce” said Gene
“Gene, milk comes from cows, not turkeys” Linda noted
“UNNATURAL SELECTION” Gene snapped back.
“A Belcher promise is a guarantee…or your money back” Louise continued.
“Louise, we don’t pay you to eat” Bob replied
“You don’t even pay me to serve” Louise countered.
“Yeah, well, explain your allowance then” Bob replied.
“That’s not earned is it? That’s just something you’re obligated to give me until I grow out of it. Same with bus passes”
“Louise, who said you could have a bus pass?” Linda said.
“Regular Sized Rudy has one” Louise replied, taking scooping up some of Gene’s cereal with a spoon and consuming the dry golden grahams
“Hey, this tastes better without milk” Louise noted.
“As some other God intended” Gene replied.
“Honey, Rudy has specific needs” Linda replied.
“What about mine? “ Louise argued, “The change I use on the bus ought to go to a big bag of Starburst”
“Louise, you’ve only ever been on a bus twice this year, everywhere else Mom and Dad drive you….” replied Tina
“…Crazy” added Gene.
“Yeah, they do” Louise added.
“This is just a phase honey, come next year you’ll be in the spirit for it again” Linda assured her.
“Yeah, but the spirit of adventure is what it’s all about now isn’t it?” Louise argued, “If we don’t have that in our lives every year, eating turkey rather than tackling one is going to feel like a step down”
“Bob, did you give Rudy your Donna Summer cd?” Linda said, having gotten up to look through her and Bob’s music collection.
“Yeah, I sort of insisted on it” Bob revealed.
“We seem to be giving him a lot of hand outs lately…Louise, didn’t you give him your Freezer Dome belt?” Tina asked.
Louise rubbed her right shoulder tensely.
“How’d you know about that?” she asked.
“He took a fetching photo of himself wearing it. With feather boas. I may have forced him into it, but you have no evidence other than my confession, which may be a lie to cover up the idea he has peculiar notions of fashion sense different from mine” said Gene.
“Yeah, everybody at school’s already heard about that bird feathering himself” said Louise, scooping up more of Gene’s cereal.
“Louise, why’d you give him the belt? He was the first person you eliminated, and with virtually no effort required” said Tina.
“I don’t know, I guess I kind of liked that he insisted on his toughness and that he was willing to try his hand at it rather than cave in. Guy’s the most well-meaning wuss I know, he’s not satisfied with being the first domino you tip over y’know? He wants to mean something more than that” Louise explained.
“He’s your sweet little cupcake isn’t he?” Linda replied.
“MOM” Louise yelled
“Hey, your words not mine and I was there remember?” Linda replied.
“Wow, Louise actually called him her cupcake?” Bob replied
“I was emphasising just how much of a wimp he was” Louise replied.
“And what about you calling him ‘sweet little Rudy’ huh?” Linda responded, clasping both her hands as the warm and enticing notions of sentiment between her little princess and the pint sized ace with asthma gave her stomach butterflies.
“You won’t live to see the end if you bring that up again” snapped Louise
“Alright, you’ve gone from talking turkey to acting like one. Your room Louise, go there, now” ordered Bob.
“Fine” Louise said, and stomped out of the kitchen and headed towards her room.
As soon as she was clear of her family, she permitted herself a wry and humbling smile.
“He is my sweet little cupcake isn’t he?” she thought, before her outer adolescence let out a couple of barely audible curse words as she condemned herself for the very thought
THE LADLE OF THE LAKE
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
Disclaimer: Simpsons is trademarked by 20th century Fox.
Note: This story occurred to me after I watched the episode “El Pluribus Wiggum“, after seeing Lisa and Ralph’s brief but brilliant interaction, I knew this was a story I couldn’t pass up.
Homer skimmed through his laundry list of Netflix channels, looking for something to watch.
“Let’s see…White In A Kind of Orange, the story of a successful Caucasian rap artist who winds up in a Buddhist settlement…oh, they’ve done that so many times. Marge, why can’t they do something with a black guy converting to that?”
“Honey, a lot of Buddhists are black” his wife Marge replied
“Oh…wait, are those the monks that taught David Carradine and Johnny English how to fight?” Homer asked.
“Dad, could you let me stream Itchy and Scratchy’s collection on there today? Election coverage has been all over the place, they’ve got no time for Krusty today” Bart Simpson requested as he strolled into the room.
“That show’s been on so long now, don’t you ever get tired of it being the same thing all the time little guy? I knew when to give up the ghost when Casper went into space” Marge replied.
“It’s nice to compare and contrast the originals with the new stuff…plus it allows me to go back in and retrace my steps, and see how much of it I can remember for the trivia challenge Krusty set for us last week. Winner gets a special prize”
“What prize?” asked Marge
“A free trip to the set” Bart said joyfully.
Homer and Marge just stared at him.
“Honey, you’re one of Krusty’s biggest fans, you can visit his set anytime” Marge said, breaking the stirring and awkward silence in the room.
“Yeah, but I’m also known as his washed-up apprentice who annoyed half the town with “I didn’t do it”, you know what they say about going on these kind of rides…once it’s done, and if you want to go again, it’s back to the end of the line”
“I never hear the end of ‘the line’, because you’re always the one to cut in front” Homer mumbled.
“Homer’s right dear, you just want to show off with how much you know, but why don’t you let someone new take the visit and get inspired? Surely nothing Krusty does now can teach you anything different?”
“Entertainment’s always got room to grow Mom…and I ain’t been getting any taller these last few years, so until this spiky hair I got starts forming a bit more beneath this ol’ chin…” Bart began
“Bart, that’s already happened” Marge replied, interrupting him.
“Not naturally” Bart insisted.
“Everyone, they’re running Ralph’s old joint party election broadcast on the news again” Lisa said as she ran into the room, switching the Netflix service off and putting on FOX news, having been informed via a text by Milhouse.
Sure enough, there it was.
A political broadcast endorsing the young and very, very late developer Ralph Wiggum for President, part of a joint effort by both Republican and Democrats, an unprecedented feat.
The comparisons were being made between Ralph and another more hot-headed dunderhead in the more recent election coverage, and how dangerous it had been to convince the American public to put their faith in someone who doesn’t say or do all of the politically correct things.
Others in the debate argued, however, that Ralph’s innocence and sense of right made up for his lack of sense in other areas and that it touched a raw nerve with America’s concerned and equally underprivileged sections.
Lisa, as politically charged as ever, found the whole experience romantic.
“Can we watch something else?” Homer asked.
“No way, this is our little piece of history, adding to the crucial conflict of what it’s in the best interests of the voting public going forward this year” said Lisa.
“All I know is my friends took a lot of flack over that campaign…all the key players in Argentina caught wind of Lenny and Carl talking about Madonna…” Homer replied.
“Homer, they took issue with the pun aimed at Juan Pero…” Marge said, correcting him.
“And I QUOTE ‘Madonna, that was a bit much’” Homer insisted.
“Gee, Dad, you used QUOTE in all capitals, you must really CAAAAAAAAAAAREEEE” Bart said.
“At least the Fox news board had the sense to censor those quotes from your fellow Nuclear nincompoops in Latin America, except in Brazil for some reason” Lisa replied.
Marge knelt down and placed a hand on Lisa’s shoulder.
“I remember how Ralph was that day. The whole thing overwhelmed him at first, but you know who was there to fend off all those rotten reporters and callous candidates? You, my precious little Princess. You ran straight into that house and you told them to leave him alone, I was so proud of you when you told me”
“I felt even prouder sticking up for him…he wanted to use them, not the other way around, he was a bit overtaken, but he gutted it out, put on a brave face, and threw himself into the race as fast as he could, no matter how slow he was in other areas. For the briefest of days, he was able to get everyone to see his side of things…and even if it didn’t work out in the end, it was a good way to show what looks like a joke can subvert expectations, instead of what certainly IS a joke meeting expectations”
“So when’s the wedding “First Ladle?” Bart said, mocking what Ralph had said to Lisa after she endorsed him. Ralph had meant ‘lady’ but it had come out, in his usual irreverent and eccentric manner, as ‘ladle’
“Oh cut it out Bart, I was just humouring him” said Lisa.
“Sweetie, you certainly weren’t, I know the look you had on your face when you came back, I’ve never seen you so taken” Marge replied
“Mom, stop it, you’ll just encourage Bart to tell him” said Lisa
“Won’t say a thing, former scouts honour” said Bart.
“Thanks I guess” Lisa said.
Marge gave her daughter a hug, “You did so well that day, and if it weren’t for you liking the sound of Ralph’s ideas, he probably wouldn’t have the confidence to run. He’s your special little guy”
“Thanks Mom..while there will be days I’ll dip my feet in the lake and come out holding a different kind of sword, at the end of all those days, there’s a good chance I’ll still wind up with Excalibur”
“That’s a Stan Lee quote isn’t it?” said Homer
“That’s Excelsior dear” Marge said.
“D’oh” Homer grunted.
Lisa watched the footage play back over and over again, ignoring the ongoing debates surrounding his controversial standing, proud of the work her best friend had put into his campaign trail, proving that, just by being there, he could walk on water.
Petter Sellers would be proud of him, just as she was.
And as she thought about the future, she again got excited at the notion of being attached to this master of underestimation, to hold after many years, a slightly out-of-shape, bent Excalibur in her hand, to being Mrs. Ralph Wiggum.
The ladle of the lake.