THE MOUSE BEHIND THE CURTAIN
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
(Contains spoilers for “Dark Side of the Mouse”)
Well, apologies are in order aren’t they DM?
“I’m glad you agree narrator” said DM as he and Penfold made their way back to headquarters, having saved the world from the grip of the cretinous Crumhorn and a mind-controlling device that made even myself turn against the world’s greatest secret agent and ridicule him, but he managed to overcome all obstacles after leading a team consisting of members of his reviled rogues gallery, whom he’s left up on Crumhorn’s space station dueling with one another over who should take the credit for the heroic deeds Danger Mouse has pulled off.
“All single-handidly I might add” said DM.
“Single handidly?” Penfold asked, slightly baffled, “But Chief, you had help, from them, from me”
“Now now Penfold, let’s not leave things to technicalities, they helped in part, but I’m the main cog in this wheel, and it’s me that’s kept everything spinning”
“Sometimes Chief, just by knowing what you’re like, I get the strangest feeling that when the Danger Agency ganged up on you after Crumhorn took over, they weren’t brainwashed” Penfold noted.
The Mark III flew back into headquarters and DM and Penfold made their way to the lab to rendevouz with Squawkencluck.
“Professor?” asked DM as Squawk threw darts at imagery of Crumhorn on the survelance monitors.
“The nerve of that Crum bum” she said
“I think you’ll find his name is Crumhorn Professor” corrected Danger Mouse.
“He even wanted me to call him Crummy” Squawkencluck said in a fit of emotional release, taking the container of darts and tossing them to the floor.
Penfold walked over to her and gave us a reassuring pat on the shoulder.
“That’s precisely what I was Penfold, I was never in the right mind because of that device, and I turned against you and everything I worked hard to secure. To think the episode ended without any of us being recalled in the casting sheet to say sorry to you and Danger Mouse and to reward him for single handidly saving the Earth”
“You seem awfully complimentary Professor” said Danger Mouse.
“I just felt the sudden urge to” said Squawkencluck.
“Really now?” Penfold said, folding his arms and huffing.
Colonel K’s hologram lit up and he urged Danger Mouse to come to his office for a special reward. Penfold opted to stay with Squawkencluck.
“Go ahead Chief, the Professor’s in a real state, it’s best she lean on a friend’s shoulder”
Squawkencluck promptly accepted the invitation and buried her head atop the right shoulder, her frustrations over being emotionally compromised moisting the sleeves of his right arm. Penfold’s lip quivered and he too felt the urge to emote.
Danger Mouse, courageous and confident, steeled himself for his encounter with the Colnel.
“I have to admit, you really are being quite courteous to me today”
“Well you single handily saved the day Danger Mouse”
“I know, I feel like I ought to thank people for making that all possible, my enemies, my assistant, my writers, the CBBC staff who introduce my show every week..but I feel the sudden urge to bypass all of that. Anyway, time to get what’s coming to me”
He entered the Colnel’s office, the door slammed shut behind him, and greeting him was every Danger Agent armed to the gritted teeth with clubs and mallets.
“Colnel, are you still under Crumhorn’s mind control?” asked an alert DM.
“I think you’ll find this entire office is now immune to brainwave tampering DM…but it’s not so safe for you” the Colonel assured him.
A monitor in the office came to life and the Professor and Penfold, seated comfortably in their seats munching down on a bag of popcorn, greeted him.
“I’ve been tracking the readings of the mind altering device since it went offline, small vestiges of it are still active, and they’re responding to commands from you” Squawkencluck revealed.
“You used the psychic bran scrambler to get everyone to lavish praise on you. For some reason, I wasn’t affected, but the narrator and Squawk were…luckily, Squawk realized what was going on and alerted the Colonel just before you arrived” said Penfold.
“All this time we thought you were the great and powerful…we never took into consideration that we were puppets on a string, made to the dance to the merry tune of the mouse behind the curtain” said the Colonel.
“You’ll get your thanks for saving the world in due course Danger Mouse, but we do need to teach you that fine lesson, that you must leave your ego at the door” said Danger Moth with a hint of dread and empathy in her voice.
“But, but I did’nt do anything, I felt the urge as much as you did to take all the credit for myself…I had nothing to do with it”
“Then who did?” asked Danger Moth.
“Someone who clearly wants my fame to be my misfortune…and there’s only one person I can think of who’s obsesed with fame. Duckula”
DM led the Danger Agents out of Mayfare and, pitchforks and rotten tomatoes in hand (the critics of Rotten Tomatoes, not actual rotten tomatoes), they stormed Castle Duckula in Transylevania.
Witnessing the Danger Agency arriving at his doorstep, Count Duckula severed the connection he had with the mind control device, swung his throne around and leapt out of it, heading to a secret passage. He instructed someone in a scarlet coat to see their way out.
“Go, your neck’s on the line here, and not from a dose of my feindish fangs, if they catch you here, your reputation’s sunk like the Titanic…sorry I could’nt give DM the razzie he deserved for embarrasing you”
The cloaked figure held the Count’s hand and gave him a tender kiss on the cheek, before vanishing through the door and down the long corridor.
As the Danger Agents crashed through the door with a battering ram, the cloacked figure made it outside just as a raging commotion commenced in the castle. The figure pulled the hood back, revealing the sollem features of Jeoparday Mouse, watching the castle eagerly ..before common sense dictated that she get a move on.
All she wanted was to gain revenge on Danger Mouse for editing her portion of reality in a previous episode, framing her for embarrassing her superior officer. Duckula already had an existing soft spot for her, she felt he would make the appropriate ally.
She walked from the scene with many thoughts playing through her head, how she had refused to keep her own ego in check in an attempt to make DM’s occasional ego trips his undoing, how she sided with a known felon because he would rather place his life in hers.
She knew she had made many compromises, played with many lives, and she resolved that in future missions she would never make such mistakes again, least it poisoned her soul.
She vowed there would be no further lives put at risk of ruin within her own.
So we end this session of Danger Mouse back in the lab, with the Professor and Penfold watching the scuffle in the castle, taking handfuls of popcorn out of the bag, settling in and admiring the spectacle of a comfort fight with comfort foods.
Can I have one?
“No narrator” said Squawk
But I suddenly have an urge to eat
“Oh for heaven’s sake, has that device not been switched off yet?” said an annoyed Squawkencluck.
Curse you Jeopardy.
“Why are you cursing her? She wasn’t even in this episode” said Penfold.
Oh if only you knew the mouse behind the curtain Penfold.