Tag Archives: sqawkencluck

Danger Mouse-The Mouse Behind The Curtain (fanfic)





(Contains spoilers for “Dark Side of the Mouse”)

Well, apologies are in order aren’t they DM?

“I’m glad you agree narrator” said DM as he and Penfold made their way back to headquarters, having saved the world from the grip of the cretinous Crumhorn and a mind-controlling device that made even myself turn against the world’s greatest secret agent and ridicule him, but he managed to overcome all obstacles after leading a team consisting of members of his reviled rogues gallery, whom he’s left up on Crumhorn’s space station dueling with one another over who should take the credit for the heroic deeds Danger Mouse has pulled off.

“All single-handidly I might add” said DM.

“Single handidly?” Penfold asked, slightly baffled, “But Chief, you had help, from them, from me”

“Now now Penfold, let’s not leave things to technicalities, they helped in part, but I’m the main cog in this wheel, and it’s me that’s kept everything spinning”

“Sometimes Chief, just by knowing what you’re like, I get the strangest feeling that when the Danger Agency ganged up on you after Crumhorn took over, they weren’t brainwashed” Penfold noted.

The Mark III flew back into headquarters and DM and Penfold made their way to the lab to rendevouz with Squawkencluck.

“Professor?” asked DM as Squawk threw darts at imagery of Crumhorn on the survelance monitors.

“The nerve of that Crum bum” she said

“I think you’ll find his name is Crumhorn Professor” corrected Danger Mouse.

“He even wanted me to call him Crummy” Squawkencluck said in a fit of emotional release, taking the container of darts and tossing them to the floor.

Penfold walked over to her and gave us a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

“Nevermind Professor”

“That’s precisely what I was Penfold, I was never in the right mind because of that device, and I turned against you and everything I worked hard to secure. To think the episode ended without any of us being recalled in the casting sheet to say sorry to you and Danger Mouse and to reward him for single handidly saving the Earth”

“You seem awfully complimentary Professor” said Danger Mouse.

“I just felt the sudden urge to” said Squawkencluck.

“Really now?” Penfold said, folding his arms and huffing.

Colonel K’s hologram lit up and he urged Danger Mouse to come to his office for a special reward. Penfold opted to stay with Squawkencluck.

“Go ahead Chief, the Professor’s in a real state, it’s best she lean on a friend’s shoulder”

Squawkencluck promptly accepted the invitation and buried her head atop the right shoulder, her frustrations over being emotionally compromised moisting the sleeves of his right arm. Penfold’s lip quivered and he too felt the urge to emote.

Danger Mouse, courageous and confident, steeled himself for his encounter with the Colnel.

“I have to admit, you really are being quite courteous to me today”

“Well you single handily saved the day Danger Mouse”

“I know, I feel like I ought to thank people for making that all possible, my enemies, my assistant, my writers, the CBBC staff who introduce my show every week..but I feel the sudden urge to bypass all of that. Anyway, time to get what’s coming to me”

He entered the Colnel’s office, the door slammed shut behind him, and greeting him was every Danger Agent armed to the gritted teeth with clubs and mallets.

“Colnel, are you still under Crumhorn’s mind control?” asked an alert DM.

“I think you’ll find this entire office is now immune to brainwave tampering DM…but it’s not so safe for you” the Colonel assured him.

A monitor in the office came to life and the Professor and Penfold, seated comfortably in their seats munching down on a bag of popcorn, greeted him.

“I’ve been tracking the readings of the mind altering device since it went offline, small vestiges of it are still active, and they’re responding to commands from you” Squawkencluck revealed.

“You used the psychic bran scrambler to get everyone to lavish praise on you. For some reason, I wasn’t affected, but the narrator and Squawk were…luckily, Squawk realized what was going on and alerted the Colonel just before you arrived” said Penfold.

“All this time we thought you were the great and powerful…we never took into consideration that we were puppets on a string, made to the dance to the merry tune of the mouse behind the curtain” said the Colonel.

“You’ll get your thanks for saving the world in due course Danger Mouse, but we do need to teach you that fine lesson, that you must leave your ego at the door” said Danger Moth with a hint of dread and empathy in her voice.

“But, but I did’nt do anything, I felt the urge as much as you did to take all the credit for myself…I had nothing to do with it”

“Then who did?” asked Danger Moth.

“Someone who clearly wants my fame to be my misfortune…and there’s only one person I can think of who’s obsesed with fame. Duckula”

DM led the Danger Agents out of Mayfare and, pitchforks and rotten tomatoes in hand (the critics of Rotten Tomatoes, not actual rotten tomatoes), they stormed Castle Duckula in Transylevania.

Witnessing the Danger Agency arriving at his doorstep, Count Duckula severed the connection he had with the mind control device, swung his throne around and leapt out of it, heading to a secret passage. He instructed someone in a scarlet coat to see their way out.

“Go, your neck’s on the line here, and not from a dose of my feindish fangs, if they catch you here, your reputation’s sunk like the Titanic…sorry I could’nt give DM the razzie he deserved for embarrasing you”

The cloaked figure held the Count’s hand and gave him a tender kiss on the cheek, before vanishing through the door and down the long corridor.

As the Danger Agents crashed through the door with a battering ram, the cloacked figure made it outside just as a raging commotion commenced in the castle. The figure pulled the hood back, revealing the sollem features of Jeoparday Mouse, watching the castle eagerly ..before common sense dictated that she get a move on.

All she wanted was to gain revenge on Danger Mouse for editing her portion of reality in a previous episode, framing her for embarrassing her superior officer. Duckula already had an existing soft spot for her, she felt he would make the appropriate ally.

She walked from the scene with many thoughts playing through her head, how she had refused to keep her own ego in check in an attempt to make DM’s occasional ego trips his undoing, how she sided with a known felon because he would rather place his life in hers.

She knew she had made many compromises, played with many lives, and she resolved that in future missions she would never make such mistakes again, least it poisoned her soul.

She vowed there would be no further lives put at risk of ruin within her own.

So we end this session of Danger Mouse back in the lab, with the Professor and Penfold watching the scuffle in the castle, taking handfuls of popcorn out of the bag, settling in and admiring the spectacle of a comfort fight with comfort foods.

Can I have one?

“No narrator” said Squawk

But I suddenly have an urge to eat

“Oh for heaven’s sake, has that device not been switched off yet?” said an annoyed Squawkencluck.

Curse you Jeopardy.

“Why are you cursing her? She wasn’t even in this episode” said Penfold.

Oh if only you knew the mouse behind the curtain Penfold.

Danger Mouse-Easy Listening (fanfic)





Penfold marched back into Mayfair H.Q well and truly burnt from the whole dating experience, and flying too close to a setting sun.

Oh wait, that was Danger Mouse’s fault.

He put his feet up on the couch just as Professor Squawkwencluck followed him into the lounge area.

“Come on, tell me how it went” she said, offering Penfold a parcel.

Penfold opened it, and beamed at the contents

“It’s make-up Ice Cream” she explained, “I was going to share these with Danger Mouse after we had our falling out over how best to give you advice on dating, but since you’re the one who got the girl I figured you were more in need of celebrating with it”

“Thanks Professor, but I don’t think me and Scarlett are going to work out” Penfold replied.

“She seems to flip flop on things…she says she does’nt want me to be defined by heroics, yet then she got addicted to the dangers me and the Cheif got up to when confronting my evil twin. She boasted about saving the universe, no humble pie in the pit of her stomach at all…and then insisted we set about doing more heroics”

“An action starlet is always going to want a piece of the action” Squawkencluck replied, “The important thing you can do is ground her expectations a little, if not a lot..by engaging in little home comforts. Take some of this ice cream to her and she’ll cream at the sight of it”

“That’s a bit lude for kids telly Professor” said Penfold.

“At least you’re listening to me this time” the Professor said.

Danger Mouse-A Dagger to Her Mind





Disclaimer: Danger Mouse (2015) and all trademarked characters are property of Fremantle Media and CBBC

The world has just been granted a pardon.

Yes, you heard right, you do the crime, you do the time.

Even I, your humble narrator, found himself singing jailbird blues.

But nobody felt as low as the genius responsible for the planetary lockdown.

Professor Professor Squawkencluck, who, at this very moment, is in the midst of filing a report to the World’s Greatest Science Council.

“My fellow scientists, it is with deep regret that I report on the latest setback in project Days Off, the initiative set up to relieve the Danger Agency of unendurable stress levels and overworked hours. The cause of the setback was once again…once again…oh I can’t do it”

She closed the laptop.

The door to her lab slid open and Penfold, assistant to the greatest secret agent in the agency, Danger Mouse, arrived with toast and a cup of tea in each hand.

“And just what are you doing in here Penfold?” said an irritated Squawkencluck.

“I was wondering if you’d care for some bread and egg” Penfold said.

“I don’t see an egg” the Professor noted.

“I was hoping you’d help with that, you are a chicken after all” Penfold replied.

Squawencluck felt her blood levels rise; she got out of her seat and towered over the terrified hamster.

“Oh, I see, you haven’t quite come down from mount unpleasant” he observed, “Don’t worry Professor, I can relate”

“Oh you can?” Squawkencluck said in a snarky tone.

“Yeah, all that time in prison caused me to search my very soul” Penfold explained, ” It got me to open things up to the Chief that I hadn’t ever told anyone…about my great crime in days of my youth, like borrowing that pencil and never returning it…keeping it with me, like a dagger close to my chest. Oh how it crushed me, every day where I felt ever so slightly upbeat, I’d end up cursing my own enthusiasm because there was always that low point of my life beating as loudly as my heart.”

“But then Danger Mouse used the pencil to trap Big Head in a logistical trap , causing her to overload, explode, and liberate us…your particular pencil problem proved to be a dagger to her mind” Squawkencluck noted.

Penfold permitted himself a meek smile, “The Chief always knows how to relief me of my burdens, and he always teaches me an important lesson in using what mistakes we make in the past to create fresh solutions for the future”

“That’s something I’ve got to learn myself…I’ve been reluctant to tell the council about my latest failure with Big Head, but I realize if I don’t open up about it, we won’t learn how to correct the faults in the next model”

“The next model?” a flabbergasted Penfold asked, “You mean, after all this, you’re just going to rebuild her again?”

“I will not be frustrated by failure Penfold, I’ll keep working at Big Head until we’re finally able to keep her under control” a stubborn Squawkencluck insisted.

“Well, if anything I’m impressed at how much faith you have in yourself, especially with the way you acted once you were incarcerated” Penfold noted, recalling the rather depressing sight of Squwkencluck despairing at Big Head’s malfunction and tyrannical prison system, a system that had sapped the courage and willpower out of virtually all except Danger Mouse.

“I was thinking about my mum and dad the whole time, that’s why” Squawkencluck revealed, “If they knew their daughter had been locked away with all of the other petty filth that plagued this planet, the shock of that would have crushed them…then it got worse when I realized my parents were probably locked away for that incident with the garbage monster, you know the one”

“Oh yes” Penfold said, recalling when the Professor’s mother had transformed her own husband into a grimy, murky and monstrous being that had reduced most of London to literal waste.

“Never mind Professor” Penfold replied, trying to spin the conversation back towards a positive note, “Maybe learning nothing at all from your experiences somehow inspires you to aim for bigger and better solutions”

“You think so?” the Professor asked.

“Sure. Your mum wanted to turn your dad invisible the next time, that doesn’t seem like it’d harm anybody else and what else could Big Head do that could top incarcerating everyone and everything? How do you step it up from there? You’re itching to find out aren’t you? That’s what this agency demands of its members every day…raw ambition”

Squawkencluck knelt down and gave Penfold a big hug.

“You think so big for someone your size…do me a favour and never curse that enthusiasm of yours again” she said, squeezing him tightly.

“You got it…Squawky” Penfold said, grasping for air.

“Ok, only I call myself that, for that, you owe me the toast” she said, grabbing the toast off the plate, eating a portion of it, and tossing the crumbs into the bin.

“How about I go get you that egg? At least one out of the refrigerator” Squawkencluck offered. Penfold gleefully nodded, and, arm in arm, they exited the room and headed towards the Agency cafeteria.



Dangermouse-A Day Reserved For Magic




Disclaimer: Dangemouse (2015) and all trademarked characters are property of Fremantle Media and CBBC

Christmas Day. London.

In the wake of a dicey dance with the cold colossus The Snowman, Penfold and Dangermouse have settled down in their may fare mailbox to share with one another the gift of giving. DM had been a generous spirit all day, being mindful of both the poor and the privileged.

He’d even given Tiny Tim an armed defence crutch. Armed with high explosives to fend off any foreboding foe that attempts to take advantage of a spy when injured.

He just forgot to tell Tim how to disarm the explosives.

Then again, the gift was’nt intended for Tim, but for Penfold.

Penfold, who was all a glow at the realization he had not gotten anything that could bring his enjoyment of Christmas down with a bang and then a bit of whimpering from him as he suffered the aftershock of dealing with a dangerous gift.

As he tried his warm, woollen cotton socks on, Penfold noticed poor Father Christmas struggling with the list of demands given to him by Professor Squawkencluck.

“Say, Santa, don’t be glum, I’ll take that list off your hands and help pay it off if you want” Penfold suggested.

“Ho ho ho, you are a helpful little Elf” said Santa, “If you can pull this off, you may be in line for chief aid”

Penfold clapped his hands wildly at that, only to be kicked in the shin by Santa’s cheif aid.

“Hey, cut that out, the crisis is over” said Penfold.

“You’re not nicking my job in a hurry you merrily mole” replied the irritated elf.

“Hamster” said Penfold, “I’m a hamster”

“Mess with me, and you’ll find I’m no spring chick” she said, nipping at Penfold’s toes with her beak.

Penfold scrambled behind Professor Squawkencluck out of concern for her safety.

“What are you doing behind me you big Jessie?” said Squawkencluck as the elf converged on Penfold

“‘Sick ’em, attack, defend” commanded Penfold.

“What do you think I am? A henpecker?” she said

“Well you’ve got the beak for it” said Penfold

“Oh you know me so well” sarcastically replied Squawkencluck.

“Look are you going to rise to my defence or not?” asked Penfold.

“Well, it is Christmas after all” she said, and began circling the elf, pecking holes in the floor. Swiftly and suddenly, the floor gave way, the elf remained suspended in the air for a fraction of a second for the type of comical effect found abundant in animation, before being pulled down by the laws of gravity.

The Professor dusted off both her hands and gently rubbed her beak.

“Whew, chipping away at the that floor can leave a beak feeling pretty bleak” said Squawkencluck.

Santa handed Penfold her list and then dived down the gaping hole in the floor to collect his elf before she hit the floor.

“Penfold, you’re going to take care of my list?” The Professor observed

“I’m not so secret a Santa am I?” replied Penfold.

“I don’t know…you make yourself to be a lot of things…” the Professor continued

“Really?” asked Penfold

“Sure…a spectacle of yourself, a target of yourself…” she began, until she noticed Penfold’s head, his expression highlighting a look of sure sadness about it.

“Hey, hey don’t be glum, despite making yourself look all those things, you always have the strength to face up to them as well, you’re honest about yourself, even to a frank degree, I’m like that too, though I come across as more cross than you are about those things. I envy how you can bottle that in at the best of times” the Professor continued, her compliments raising a tender smile out of the little agent.

“You’re a real champ Professor”

“Just tell me one thing though…why do you always get me a hair-dryer?” Squawkencluck asked

“Well, I…oh it’s nothing…it’s just…” Penfold began, but nerves began to overtake him.

“It’s got something to do with my appearance. A girl can afford to be flattered you know” the Professor said, urging him on

“It’s…well, yeah it’s kind of that. I always like to picture you with your hair down and you using something we’ve given you to make you look better and brighter every morning, no matter what mood you’re in, which is normally all feisty and ferocious, it’s nice to know that while you’re projecting fear into us, you spend those first few hours every morning bringing out the best in yourself…gives us something to think about”

Sqawkencluck gave Penfold a nod and a reassuring smile, placing one hand over his forehead and stroking cit, losing her eyes briefly as she took all those words in.

“Pr-Professor? You ok?” said Penfold as her hands slowly ruffled through him.

“You know…forget that list Penfold, you can get me the same thing every year” she said.

“Cor, thanks Professor, say, why did you reckon Santa wasn’t real?” asked Penfold.

“I didn’t want to think there was magic in the world…I’m a scientist, I always have to rationalize everything, to let logic take hold over ludicrous realization of fantasy…guess it’s a silly thing to think, especially around a day reserved for magic”

“I’m glad you’ve realized that” Penfold, clutching her hand, “You shouldn’t deprive yourself of the magic, in order for that to come, you have to make time for those moments”

The two stood where they were, transfixed in a precious moment of time, staring lovingly into one another’s gaze, each hoping one would make the move on the other without having to wait for the descent of mistletoe.

The alarms suddenly went off, DM sprang forward to answer the call as Col. K and his brightly lit Christmas jumper disrupted the moment.

“Penfold, Dangermouse, you must scramble immediately, those rouges Greenback, Loocifer, Duckula and the rest are threatening to tarnish the next 24 hours by staging a real boxing match between all of them on Boxing Day, get that group separated ASAP” the Colonel commanded.

“On our way Col.K, come along Penfold, and don’t stop for Christmas punch, we have to halt the literal kind from coming to pass” ordered Dangermouse.

“Heh, don’t want to get punch drunk then” Penfold said nervously to Squwakencluck.

“Another time?” said Squawkencluck

“Another moment in time…I’ll be ready” said Penfold.

“…Ready…to believe” replied Squawkencluck.

Disengaging from their grip on one another’s hands, Penfold and Dangermouse dashed into certain danger.

“Be safe” said Squawkencluck, waving to them as they darted into the Mark IV hovering outside and speeding off into the snowy skyline.

Dangermouse-Room For A Good Life




Disclaimer: Dangemouse (2015) and all trademarked characters are property of Fremantle Media and CBBC.

It was the simplest instruction.

Stay out of the lab.

And it wasn’t followed.

He’s supposed to the world’s greatest agent, and he couldn’t stick to this very basic request.

A request for privacy.

A request to serve her own basic need for personal security.

She wanted to rely on him. She wanted to trust his judgement.

And in this instance he dared to disappoint her most dangerously.

And the results were catastrophic.

She had dared to contact him while she attended the rock concert, letting him know that what had been uttered by her translator wasn’t intended to come off as hurtful, she was just concerned for the ongoing security of her work. She thought she’d even give him a little look at what she got up to when she would literally let her hair down, to show what a kid she was at heart.

She wanted him to see her as she was.

When she got back, and learned of what he did, learned that he had proven her trust issues valid, she wanted to violently tear his face off so she could peck it into a billon pieces.

She had been through so much over the course of a few weeks, she had fought valiantly beside her friends, valiantly beside him, and she had also been through a traumatic experience with a pair of terrifying tentacles intruding on her within a most private of areas, the women’s lavatory. Any normal woman would have screamed.

The only thing that could her scream was the loss of trust and the misplaced faith she had in one mouse.

And yet…when all was done, when crisis was averted, she accepted his invitation to dinner

Just like that.

It wasn’t even a question.

It was yet another exercise.

An exercise in trust.

She knew how it usually went. She’d been through it in school.

Someone would reach out with their hands.

You would fall backwards.

You’d trust that they’d catch you.

That’s how it worked.

That’s what she was counting on.

A chance for him to catch her as she too fell backwards into a state of ease around him.

And even when the floor caved in beneath her, before she could reach the dinner table Dangermouse and Penfold had set up for her, even as she fell and knew she couldn’t be caught, one question came into her mind.

Was this faith worth the pain?

“How are you feeling Squawk?” asked Dangermouse as he stood at the edge of the doorway that led into the infirmary containing the prone and injured Squawkencluck.

“Do you…want me to sign your name on the cast?” Penfold offered, pointing to her cast.

“Knock yourself out” the Professor replied.

Penfold smashed his head against the side of her bed and dropped to a heap on the floor.

“Must he always take things so literally?”

“I think it works subconsciously, he knows when to take himself out of the equation to invite privacy on me at a moment of great reflection”

“Dangermouse, there’s not one mirror in this room, so your usual patented narcissism is going to have to table its appointment”

“Ah, a funny” said Dangermouse, “Good attitude to have, a cracking joke always elevates the sting of pain”

“I wasn’t joking. I never joke about mistrust” said an irritated Squawkencluck.

“Yes, about that…look, it was done with the best of intentions, I just wanted to water that seed for you” Dangermouse replied.

“If that had been less irregular, I would have asked you of that, but it was isolated in the lab for a reason. You of course couldn’t see any other reason other than to…to…”

“To what?” said Dangermouse.

“Impress me” she answered.

“Come to think of it, I was being awfully impressionable” Dangermouse added, stroking his chin as he pondered his choice of action.

“Offering to water the plants is a very domestic thing, it wouldn’t be out of place in The Good Life” Squawkencluck continued, “But in a world as fragile as ours, in a universe that’s hard to predict, there can’t be any room for a good life now can there? Everything has to be chaotic, and then it has to be controlled”

Dangermouse walked over to her cast, took the felt tip pen from the unconscious Penfold’s hand, and penned a small picture of a buttercup daisy with a dove flying overheard on Sqawkencluck’s cast.

“What’s that for?” she asked

“To remind you to never stop thinking of a good life”

“Casts come off you know”

“Then imprint it on your memory, and never let the dream die”

“You are such a lost cause…but you know what? If dreaming of a good life’s worth the pain, then I guess you are too” Squawkencluck replied, permitting herself and Dangermouse a wry smile.

Once again, she was showing him a more affirming part of herself.

She knew it would cheer him up.

And he would do better in future to make her feel better.

All to find room for a good life.

Dangermouse-The Pen Is Mightier




Disclaimer: Dangemouse (2015) and all trademarked characters are property of Fremantle Media and CBBC.

Penfold got up in the midst of early morning still wearing his princess attire from the activities of the day before.

He didn’t want to change clothes just yet.

He felt too pretty.

And he needed that feeling.

Because he couldn’t bear to confront the ugly underneath.

He had risked it all to save London from a perilous pink dawn.

A wise sage once said ‘Too much pink energy is dangerous’

He wasn’t sure if that was from ancient text or Saturday morning television.

He and DM had managed to diminish that energy before it could manifest worldwide.

The fight had taken a lot out of them, DM still couldn’t quite shake the stench that had emitted from the pony that belonged to the prickly Princess, a conceited and spoiled child who had, as a result of a mishap involving her tiara and one of Professor Sqauwkencluck’s inventions, become a serious threat to national security and even commonplace male pride and dignity.

Still, a woman’s touch was never without flare. It always livened things up. It could always elevate your mood, no matter the weather.

And in saving the day, Penfold and DM felt most fine indeed. Nothing really dampened their spirits when dressed to impress.

Penfold only wished the woman with this magic touch had been a bit more concerned with him rather than her possessions.

This was the second time Squawkencluck had shown more compassion and empathy with things that she owned or had created. It happened in Tokyo also, when her artificial chip was placed in his trust and he let it slip from his hands.

When it was recovered successfully, she called it her ‘baby’ and lavished it with kisses.

Today, after another mishap in the lab, Sqauwkencluck had been awash with concern, thinking she had almost lost something priceless.

Turned out it was her pen.

Penfold’s heart sank there and then.

When Squawkencluck used her makeover skills to prepare him and DM for their infiltration of the Princess’ mansion, Penfold used his conversion as a shield, to hide the hurt he’d been feeling. Of the notion, the evidence, that pen was mightier.

And then he froze in his tracks down the long and gloomy corridors of H.Q that stretched from his bedroom to the executive washroom.

There she was.

Not wearing her glasses, her long layers of hair down, and wearing a bright vest and stripy pyjama bottoms, a small night cap over her head, the Professor gently rubbed her eyes and greeted Penfold

“Hey Penfold” she said.

“What are you doing up?” asked Penfold

“Bit of a habit, care to watch?” invited Squawkencluck

“Lead the way” said Penfold.

The pair entered Sqauwkencluck’s lab and hopped on top of the elevator pad that rose upwards and climbed several stories. The manhole positioned just at the very front of the pavement slab that was home to the letterbox H.Q of the secret service opened and permitted them access to the great land above.

A quiet street. Scarce traffic.

The only signs of life were milkmen, mailmen, and paper delivery antelopes, all on their early bird routines.

And in the Professor’s case, the routine fit her role.

“Sun’s just about up” she said.

“Professor…I…um…hope you had fun yesterday” said Penfold.

“Oh that I did Penfold. But don’t tell DM I said that” the Professor requested.

“Yes, you were awfully persistent you didn’t have fun ,why was that?” asked Penfold, “I mean, you’ve shown us you DO like to have fun, remember when he broke into your lab to look after that plant and you called him from that concert…”

“Yes, well, that was a different sort of enjoyment…you’ll find I was dressed like a real tomboy” explained the Professor, “Yesterday was the first time I got a chance to be a real girl, I relished it. It shows I should put more concern into my appearance than actual things”

“Maybe put more concern into people while you’re at it” insisted Penfold.

Sqauwkencluck looked at him, and put one arm on his shoulder, “Penfold, if this about the pen incident…I’m sorry about that…it’s a bit of a coping mechanism I have. It’s part and parcel with my professionalism. I can’t get too close to the people I work with; the risk is so great, so I put all that concern into things I know can’t instil any fear in me whatsoever. Whenever I do that with a pen, or a chip, it’s done to…”

She cut herself off.

“Nah, I think I’ve said too much, I’m not firing on all cylinders this morning. Once the dawn breaks and I do my thing I ought to be ready to face the day”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” asked a curious Penfold.

“Oh you know, a little girl-to-girl natters, and you’re still dressed for the occasion” she said, giggling, “And may I say, my Pen, you look on-point”

Penfold blushed, “Nobody’s ever called me Pen before…wait, does that mean…?”

“Shush now” said Sqauwkencluck, “The dawn is breaking”

“Let one rip Professor” Penfold said, now clued in to what was about to transpire.

Squawkencluck stretched out her arms, put her hands together, cracked her knuckles, breathed in, and let out a dynamic and deafening cockle-doodle doo that resonated across the London landscape.

Penfold, both fingers inserted into his ears, was relieved to find the pitch wasn’t so high in frequency that it could shatter his glasses.

Just as he was now felt more and more assured the Professor couldn’t break his heart.

Dangermouse-With Eyes Wide Open




Disclaimer: Dangemouse (2015) and all trademarked characters are property of Fremantle Media and CBBC

Penfold walked into headquarters with his head high and a giant grin etched all over his face.

Surely everyone had to take notice at some point.

What else could he do?

Each day he seemed to top one achievement with another.

Just yesterday he had used cowardice as a tactical advantage to help the chief out, telling him to put up a pathetic and petty front to sour a galaxy’s worth of alien tourists on him as a gallant hero and as an attraction for them.

Penfold wondered just how long it would take for people to clue into the fact he was steadily earning his keep, that he was steadily earning the right to be an agent in his own right.

He paused briefly, wondering if he was thinking just a bit too much above his station.

His tutors at school had always told him to leave something at the door.

He always assumed it was a sandwich.

Or a milk bottle.

Or a tip for a well-earned education.

But no, it was something else.

He just didn’t know what it was, he couldn’t place it.

When he finally waltzed into the main lounge area, he found Sqawkencluck spread across the couch, her eyes wide open, curled up over a blanket, and snoring loudly.

He went over to her and nudged her just a bit.

“Professor?” he asked, Squawkecluck stirred

“Pen-Penfold? What is it? Is there an emergency?” she said.

“No, no, I was just wandering what you were doing sprawled on the couch like that” asked Penfold.

“Could’nt you see I was trying to get a bit of shut-eye?” she said.

“You were keeping your eyes open the whole time” Penfold replied.

“They were? Oh, yes, that’ll be a direct result of what I was up to back there on the moon” she said.

“Oh, when you were serving refreshments to those alien tourists?” Penfold asked

“I just zoned out eventually, it’s a little trick I learned from my uncle, who picked it up from Dangermouse himself, to essentially go into automotive sleep mode, keep your eyes open and still serve your basic function, but the whole time you’re actually sleeping and replenishing your energies. The whole time on the moon I focused on a single thing, the craters, and I imagined little things poking out of it. Usually cute critters, nothing like the little monsters I had to keep serving. It became almost second nature” Squawkencluck explained in detail.

“Sounds like a great method to cope…kind of like how I used my cowardly tactics as a means of coping with the pressure points of fame which allowed him to save the day” Penfold gleefully replied.

“Check it at the door Penfold” an unimpressed Squawkencluck said.

“Check what?” Penfold asked.

“Your ego. Nobody likes it when they brag. I think that’s why nobody notices it when you save the day, you then remind us daily that you did, so we just sort of zone out” she said

“Oh crumbs, sorry” Penfold said.

“Don’t worry about it, I can fall into that trap too, being the glorious innovator and inventor I am” she said, “Indeed, that’s sometimes why I practice this kind of sleeping technique, so I can centre myself and not get so high and giddy on my own genius” Squawkencluck added. “It gets me ready to face the day in a much more humble manner”

“Do you think I could join in then?” Penfold asked.

“Sure” she said.

And so the two relaxed on the couch, falling into a slumbering state, their eyes open, their minds dormant.

And their egos firmly in check.


Dangermouse-A Dance Amongst Raindrops

Been a while I know, but I’ve had a bit of a trying month this October. Buisness will resume as normal with fanedits soon, but for now, here’s some fanfics based off the new Dangermouse series.




Disclaimer: Dangemouse (2015) and all trademarked characters are property of Fremantle Media and CBBC

London, and at St. Beak’s Hospital, the world’s most petrified assistant to the world’s greatest secret agent, is accompanying the city’s most revered beaked boffin to a ward situated within the facility.

“Thanks for coming Penfold, I needed a pal” Squawkencluck uttered as they passed through into reception.

“Think nothing of it Professor, I just wish DM had put his foot forward with this” Penfold replied

“Now, now, you can’t expect him to make every meet-and-greet when he’s busy tackling a fifteen foot tall lighting fast lama” Squawkencluck said, pointing to the ensuing battle that was still ongoing outside one of the hospital windows. “If he can get my special lighting lasso around him, the calm and nullifying energies emitting from the lasso it should slow down his metabolism and bring his rampage to a halt”

Penfold started out at the visual of Dangermouse taking the Mark III and doing his best to encircle a rampant powerful yellow streak of lighting that left vapour trails in the air that resembled the bodily imprint of a lama. Sometimes DM would lasso those vapour trails rather than the actual thing.

A few meters away from the sight, several buildings had already been hit and left singed by the hoofs of the quick tempered and even quicker paced creature. Charged and seemingly in charge, it’s prowess and power was something DM would have trouble matching even with his quick reflexes.

Penfold followed Squawkencluck up to the elevator and through to level 3, where he then accompanied her to ward Blue 32.

Sqawkencluck tapped on the door, alerting a kindly elderly antelope patient just three beds away from her stationed in the ward.

“It’s my special knock, she can tell it’s me without speaking” Squawkencluck revealed.

“Why can’t you just say who you are out loud?” asked Penfold

“It’s a little homage to a show we like to watch together sometimes…she calls me the one who knocks”

“Squawk, darling, how nice to see you” the lady spoke.

Squawkencluck shed a few tears

“Aw, what’s the matter Professor? She seems to think you’re a sight for sore eyes”

“She’s blind ya dingy” Squawkencluck snapped.

“Oh crumbs, I’m sorry Professor”

“No, no, it’s alright Pen hen, you did’nt know, I can’t get my feathers ruffled by that…bad enough this was all my fault”

“How so?” Penfold asked

“She knew my Uncle, the original Squawkencluck that worked with you and DM a few years back, I was still a naive young little chick and I wa so transfixed by technology that I kept touching everything my uncle created…including ultra sensitive sunset blinders. Janice over there loved sleeping with blinders on, so I thought I’d swap her old ones with my uncle’s invention, I thought they’d help her enjoy a good night’s rest…”

“…But instead, the blinders actually blinded her” Penfold replied, finishing the sentence for her.

Squawkencluck nodded, and shed another tear. Penfold clasped her hand.

“Don’t blame yourself Professor, you were just trying to impress at a young age, we all do that”

“Come over here Squawk, it’s been so long since I last saw you” Janice uttered, beckoning her over.

“Does she KNOW she’s blind, or is she in some sort of denial?” Penfold replied.

“She can still see things vaguely and up close, you know that superhero movie where the blind man can only see his love interest fully when the rain starts? It’s a bit like that, that’s all we are to her visual eye…raindrops”

She approached Janice nervously, a part of her wanted to finally confess to Janice that it was all her fault all those years ago, and that it wasn’t an act of nature as Janice had to believe.

“Did you enjoy the music samples I gave you last month?” asked Squawkencluck, attempting to dry her eyes.

“That I did chick, though my one wish would be if I could dance to those numbers” Janice lamented.

Penfold pondered something. Slowly but steadily, a light bulb formed in his head.

“Be back in a giffy” Penfold replied, and darted out of the ward. He pulled out a small eraser from his right pocket and rubbed his thumb print on it. A holographic projection of DM emitted from the piece of rubber.

“Penfold, what is it? Aren’t you supposed to be minding the St. Beaks meet-and-greet?” said Dangermouse.

“I am, which is why I need the tiniest of favours from you for when you eventually lasso that lama… I just thought of a way you could help at least one patient down here” Penfold replied.

Back in Ward Blue 32, Squawkencluck was talking to Janice.

“Your Uncle always said the craziest things about his inventions…I told him always that he ought to spend more time creating and enabling life than coming up with anything that encouraged war”

“Yeah war, what is it good for, as the old song says, all it does it cause mischief to manifest” Squawkencluck replied, lightly feeling the back of her own neck as a tingling, frightful and guilty sensation coursed through her body and crept into her soul.

“Janice…I really need to tell you something” Squawkencluck replied.

“Can’t it wait ’till the rain comes on?” Janice replied, “You always have such good news, and it always brightens your complexion to the point it brightens my soul”

“It’s pretty sunny at the moment Janice”

Suddenly, a massive lighting bolt broke through the roof of the building, a terrifying rumble could be heard coming from the heavens, and rain came pouring down into the ward. Squawkencluck looked upwards to find Dangermouse in the mark three circling a cloud, a tight yellow rope attached to the back of the car, attached to that was the lama.

Penfold rushed back in. Squawkencluck, furious, marched straight at him, picked him up by the shirt and shook him violently

“Before you pass out from enduring my righteous fury, kindly explain to me just what is that Dangerous Dingbat and you are up to?” she angrily uttered.

“W-w-well” Penfold said, as Squawkencluck continued to shake him, “I told DM, when he finally managed to get his hands on that critter, to hoist him into the clouds, I figured him landing as many bolts as he did would kick-start some kind of brief storm and generate enough sufficient rain to…well…look”

Squawkencluck turned around to see the breathtaking sight of Janice twirling around like an energized ballerina.

Suddenly, Penfold found himself being steadily swayed back and forth in a celebratory and loving twirl from Squawkencluck as she gave him twenty or so pecks on the cheek and nose, joyous and grateful for the gift he’d just given her.

“Wow…where are we going with this?” asked Penfold.

“I’m thinking back to that movie…how about a dance you little Daredevil?”

And as the doctors and nurses poured in to tend to the situation, Penfold, Janice, and Squwkencluck twirled, turned, and merrily waltzed their way through the storm until the clouds cleared and the sun burst through, but even by them nothing could dampen or diminish the dance spent amongst the raindrops.